Hey!!
I wanted to ask you wifeys here that how much does your husbands pay to his parents being a son just for themselves? I mean what percentage of his income? Here I am considering the case where you live separate with in laws.
Do your in-laws really demand this from him or he just gives by himself?
Or you prefer compensating it all with gifts on different occasions?
Is it something on monthly basis? or bulk amounts?
I just wanted to have some idea.
Re: How does it work?
Depends on the husband.
Instead of setting a percentage of salary to be given to parents. Why not set aside a budget? Find out what their monthly requirements are. if they are affordable to you, pay them an amount every three months so its not a burden on you guys.
There will be months when they will need extra money or you might need some. so you need to set aside some form of emergency fund system as well. If you pay on a monthly level , then money gets lost easily. As in it starts getting taken for granted with no savings etc .. So pay in bulk and let them do their math themselves.
In Desi households, Gifts are considered on top of the money that the son gives to his family .. so you have to keep that in mind as well .
Re: How does it work?
CB! I totally loved your ideas. and It totally matches with what I think but here situation is a bit different. I will explain that later.
Meanwhile I want to hear more abt this issues from different people.
Re: How does it work?
my husband send to his parents monthly....as they are dependent on him....including his brothers education...to be precise 20% of his salary goes to them
he sends fixed amount but if they more like for his little bro's semester fee after every six months or for someone's wedding then my husband sends more too...
we cant save money on monthly bases....not a single penny....but Alhumdulilah its manageable so far....
Re: How does it work?
My husband also gives his 20% salary to his parents. but his parents are not dependent on him as they are having rent from their another home on monthly basis.. To be honest after giving this percentage to them they keep saying that you do nothing for us and this hurts.
My FIL stopped working the day my husband got a job. He was only 48 and my hubby was 24. Since then my hubby takes care of ALL their expenses, all the groceries, bills,took care of siblings, got his sister married, paid for brother's education, bought them a house, bought parents a car, bought brother a car, and sends them to visit Pak twice a year.... Heck, they have his atm card!
He Continues to do so much without ever saying a single word, even I don't say anything but what HURTS the most is na-shukapan of his family. After all this they randomly blurt out things like "ya Allah marte dam tak kisi ka mohtaj na banana, beton ka mohtaj na banana, etc etc" out loud in front of me. The funniest thing is they act like as if I don't know my husband's paying for everything. They think my hubby doesn't tell me lol. It's funny to hear them lie/make up stories like how Abu bought a car, this, that when actually my husband bought those things lol. I don't care though as long as hubby gets ajar for treating them right and I get ajar for being patient in the akhirah :)
Re: How does it work?
My FIL stopped working the day my husband got a job. He was only 48 and my hubby was 24. Since then my hubby takes care of ALL their expenses, all the groceries, bills,took care of siblings, got his sister married, paid for brother's education, bought them a house, bought parents a car, bought brother a car, and sends them to visit Pak twice a year.... Heck, they have his atm card! He Continues to do so much without ever saying a single word, even I don't say anything but what HURTS the most is na-shukapan of his family. After all this they randomly blurt out things like "ya Allah marte dam tak kisi ka mohtaj na banana, beton ka mohtaj na banana, etc etc" out loud in front of me. The funniest thing is they act like as if I don't know my husband's paying for everything. They think my hubby doesn't tell me lol. It's funny to hear them lie/make up stories like how Abu bought a car, this, that when actually my husband bought those things lol. I don't care though as long as hubby gets ajar for treating them right and I get ajar for being patient in the akhirah :)
LOL that's so sweet of you to play along and to have such a good intention of your husband being rewarded for his khidmat to his family. The lack of acknowledgement and appreciation does hurt, been there. But you have a really good outlook on it, masha'Allah, that attitude will definitely help you get through tough times.
Re: How does it work?
We dont send his parents anything as this dad has business of his own and we are struggling ourselves. and ofcourse when his 3 sisters get married we will and have to contribute as its soooo expensive to get married especially in pakistan. we do send his sis and bro gifts but not alot.
my dad gave most of what he earned to his brothers (elder bro was in charge) and he ends up having properties and business and nthing for others. than dad had to start business for other 3 brothers as well.
even now dadi is very upset that dad doesnt give to his brothers even though they are all very well off. even if they borrow anything they never return. hahaha one chachoo borrowed $6000 for few months its 3 years and no sign of return.
no word of appreciation for dad but praises for elder brother as he is controlling and rich now.
its Khani Ghar Ghar ki.
Re: How does it work?
I wanted to ask you wifeys here that how much does your husbands pay to his parents being a son just for themselves?
Hubby and his brother don't give any money to my in-laws (other than buying gifts during special occassions like birthdays). My FIL is financially savvy and did a great job managing his money throughout the years. They will never need financial assistance from anyone. In fact, when we go visit them, if we go out to eat or end up at the mall and want to get something, they insist on paying for us, and actually get offended if we don't let them pay!
Re: How does it work?
My DH and/or his brother do not give or help out financially. My FIL has business ventures, rental property and other property which brings my FIL/MIL enough to live a life of ease and comfort. They receive medicare in the US, and can also afford top notch medical care in Pakistan.
I have a very good friend whose husband sends his parents a certain amount of $US per month to his parents who live in Canada.It is a large amount. The thing is that he is the younger brother. My friends husband sends $$ amount also to his older brother in Canada, and is also paying for his nieces college education in Canada. My friends husband, lets call him Mr. A, is in a very senior position in a very well known global company.
Mr. A's father wanted to invest in business ventures oversees, and Mr. A sent his father what was needed in the thousands. The venture did not work out. All the money was lost. Who lost in the end? Mr. A did, not his father nor anyone else. So when his family , esp parents need money, he sends without hesitation. As some of the other family members are not doing well financially, he cannot say 'no' when his parents also request money for his siblings/nieces and nephews.
Mr. A's children will be attending college in 2 more years one after another. My friend tells me that they do not have enough to pay for college as they are sending so much to other family members. Her house was purchased in cash , as well as cars etc.
How fair or unfair is this situation? Everyone wants to take advantage of someone, and it usually is your own family members.
Re: How does it work?
my husband send to his parents monthly....as they are dependent on him....including his brothers education...to be precise 20% of his salary goes to them he sends fixed amount but if they more like for his little bro's semester fee after every six months or for someone's wedding then my husband sends more too... we cant save money on monthly bases....not a single penny....but Alhumdulilah its manageable so far....
Good to hear tht!:)
Re: How does it work?
My husband also gives his 20% salary to his parents. but his parents are not dependent on him as they are having rent from their another home on monthly basis.. To be honest after giving this percentage to them they keep saying that you do nothing for us and this hurts.
Your case is different i guess. you live with them hence you have to pay right?
Re: How does it work?
My FIL stopped working the day my husband got a job. He was only 48 and my hubby was 24. Since then my hubby takes care of ALL their expenses, all the groceries, bills,took care of siblings, got his sister married, paid for brother's education, bought them a house, bought parents a car, bought brother a car, and sends them to visit Pak twice a year.... Heck, they have his atm card! He Continues to do so much without ever saying a single word, even I don't say anything but what HURTS the most is na-shukapan of his family. After all this they randomly blurt out things like "ya Allah marte dam tak kisi ka mohtaj na banana, beton ka mohtaj na banana, etc etc" out loud in front of me. The funniest thing is they act like as if I don't know my husband's paying for everything. They think my hubby doesn't tell me lol. It's funny to hear them lie/make up stories like how Abu bought a car, this, that when actually my husband bought those things lol. I don't care though as long as hubby gets ajar for treating them right and I get ajar for being patient in the akhirah :)
thats really sad to hear! but in laws are like that :S
Re: How does it work?
Hubby and his brother don't give any money to my in-laws (other than buying gifts during special occassions like birthdays). My FIL is financially savvy and did a great job managing his money throughout the years. They will never need financial assistance from anyone. In fact, when we go visit them, if we go out to eat or end up at the mall and want to get something, they insist on paying for us, and actually get offended if we don't let them pay!
that is something we hardly come across!
Re: How does it work?
My DH and/or his brother do not give or help out financially. My FIL has business ventures, rental property and other property which brings my FIL/MIL enough to live a life of ease and comfort. They receive medicare in the US, and can also afford top notch medical care in Pakistan.
I have a very good friend whose husband sends his parents a certain amount of $US per month to his parents who live in Canada.It is a large amount. The thing is that he is the younger brother. My friends husband sends $$ amount also to his older brother in Canada, and is also paying for his nieces college education in Canada. My friends husband, lets call him Mr. A, is in a very senior position in a very well known global company. Mr. A's father wanted to invest in business ventures oversees, and Mr. A sent his father what was needed in the thousands. The venture did not work out. All the money was lost. Who lost in the end? Mr. A did, not his father nor anyone else. So when his family , esp parents need money, he sends without hesitation. As some of the other family members are not doing well financially, he cannot say 'no' when his parents also request money for his siblings/nieces and nephews.
Mr. A's children will be attending college in 2 more years one after another. My friend tells me that they do not have enough to pay for college as they are sending so much to other family members. Her house was purchased in cash , as well as cars etc.
How fair or unfair is this situation? Everyone wants to take advantage of someone, and it usually is your own family members.
This is really not good. I think it is the time your friend and her husband should prioritize their life!
Re: How does it work?
CB! I totally loved your ideas. and It totally matches with what I think but here situation is a bit different. I will explain that later.
Meanwhile I want to hear more abt this issues from different people.
tell us about it....
Re: How does it work?
My DH and/or his brother do not give or help out financially. My FIL has business ventures, rental property and other property which brings my FIL/MIL enough to live a life of ease and comfort. They receive medicare in the US, and can also afford top notch medical care in Pakistan.
I have a very good friend whose husband sends his parents a certain amount of $US per month to his parents who live in Canada.It is a large amount. The thing is that he is the younger brother. My friends husband sends $$ amount also to his older brother in Canada, and is also paying for his nieces college education in Canada. My friends husband, lets call him Mr. A, is in a very senior position in a very well known global company. Mr. A's father wanted to invest in business ventures oversees, and Mr. A sent his father what was needed in the thousands. The venture did not work out. All the money was lost. Who lost in the end? Mr. A did, not his father nor anyone else. So when his family , esp parents need money, he sends without hesitation. As some of the other family members are not doing well financially, he cannot say 'no' when his parents also request money for his siblings/nieces and nephews.
Mr. A's children will be attending college in 2 more years one after another. My friend tells me that they do not have enough to pay for college as they are sending so much to other family members. Her house was purchased in cash , as well as cars etc.
How fair or unfair is this situation? Everyone wants to take advantage of someone, and it usually is your own family members.
Mr. A is loaded thats for sure! no money for college? lol Mr A is dumb dumb.
Re: How does it work?
So the wife is trying to figure out what to allow her husband to send to his parents out of his income here? 
Re: How does it work?
^ dont think allow comes into it. She's proly just wanting to get an idea...
Re: How does it work?
tell us about it....
In our case, my MIL and FIL both are working and leading a well established life. They own a house and car for their need. Plus they are only living with their kid who is 12.However on the other hand, we are living at a rented place in a city which is expensive as compared to them and our devar who is 22 and studying lives with us.
So overall, our expenses are way higher than them as my husband is enrolled in MS program already and I am just waiting for right time to start my studies. Consider the academic fees as added expense obviously.
Yet they want my husband to send abt 20% of his salary to them. I am kind of confused at their behavior.
I myself is working right now and earning but everybody knows that I may quit anytime soon and that whatever I have earned will go to the hefty fees of E-MBA I am planning to do.
Tbh they are very sweet and understanding with me. MIL sometimes says a few things to me but may be its me who infer negative meanings from her talks but this thing I could not understand why they want so?!