1. What is your concept of marriage?
2. Have you been married before?
3. Are you married now?
4. What are you expectations of marriage?
5. What are your goals in life? (long and short term)
6. Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near
future.
7. Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.
8. Why have you chosen me/other person as a potential spouse?
9. What is the role of religion in your life now?
Are you a spiritual person?
What is your understanding of an Islamic marriage?
What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?
What is your relationship between yourself and the Muslims
community in your area?
Are you volunteering in any Islamic activities?
What can you offer your zawj (spouse), spiritually?
What is the role of the husband?
What is the role of the wife?
Do you want to practice polygamy?
What is your relationship with your family?
What do you expect your relationship with the family of your
spouse to be?
What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to
be?
Is there anyone in your family living with you now?
Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in
the future?
If, for any reason, my relationship with your family turns sour,
what should be done?
Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)
How did you get to know them?
Why are they your friends?
What do you like most about them?
What will your relationship with them after marriage be?
Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
What is the level of your relationship with them now?
What will be the level of your relationship with them after
marriage?
What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with
your friends?
What are the things that you do in your free time?
Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment?
What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to
the house?
What is your opinion of speaking other languages in home that I do
not understand? (with friends or family)
Do you travel?
How do you spend your vacations?
How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?
Do you read?
What do you read?
After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic
feelings verbally?
After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in
public?
How do you express your admiration for someone that you know now?
How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor
for you?
Do you like to write your feelings?
If you wrong someone, how do you apologize?
If someone has wronged you, how do you want (s)he to apologize to
you?
How much time passes before you can forgive someone?
How do you make important and less important decisions in your
life?
Do you use foul language at home? In public? With family?
Do your friends use foul language?
Does your family use foul language?
How do you express anger?
How do you expect your spouse to express anger?
What do you do when you are angry?
When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in
marriage?
When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or otherwise,
how should the conflict get resolved?
Define mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse.
What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?
Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused?
Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition?
Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before
marriage?
What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?
How do you support your own health and nutrition?
What is you definition of wealth?
How do you spend money?
How do you save money?
How do you think that your use of money will change after
marriage?
Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to
eliminate them?
Do you use credit cards?
Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a new home?
What are you expecting from your spouse financially?
What is your financial responsibility in the marriage?
Do you support the idea of a working wife?
If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds?
Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances?
Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible?
Do you support the idea of utilizing baby sitters and/or maids?
Do you want to have children? If not, how come?
To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?
Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage?
If not, when?
Do you believe in abortion?
Do you have children now?
What is your relationship with your children now?
What is your relationship with their other parent?
What relationship do you expect your spouse to have with your
children and their parent?
What is the best method(s) of raising children?
What is the best method(s) of disciplining children?
How were you raised?
How were you disciplined?
Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?
Do you believe in public school for your children?
Do you believe in Islamic school for your children?
Do you believe in home schooling for your children?
What type of relationship should your children have with
non-Muslim classmates/friends?
Would you send your children to visit their extended family if
they lived in another state or country?
What type of relationship do you want your children to have with
all their grandparents?
If there are members of my family that are not Muslim, that are
of different race or culture, what type of relationship do you
want to have with them?
I know that's a pretty long post but someone asked what sort of questions would be appropriate to ask. A friend forwarded this to me when my dude and I decided to get engaged. After sending back the responses, we went over them and discussed what we thought were areas of concern/disagreements/agreements or needed further clarification.
Of course this was followed by another long questionnaire (I can post the other one too if anyone wants it) followed by other questions and here we are 5 years later, still trying to figure each other out but marriage is half our Deen and half our Deen isn't supposed to be easy.
This might sound ridiculous but you can always have the response CC'd to a friend/sister or someone you can trust so you know the responses aren't just between the two of you but this is for people who really want to do it right and make sure nothing goes wrong and mashallah that's commendable.
I'll be honest, I did forward a copy of the responses to a close friend (same friend who sent me the questions) but when it came to discussing the responses, elaborating etc., we spoke over the phone and those conversations were just between the two of us.
But you're right, there's always that risk of stepping over the lines.
I can also see why some people might not be so comfortable with sharing something so personal with a 3rd person. I had a rishta from a guy in another country, completely arranged and I had no idea who this person was like at all. I asked the family if I could email him and it was agreed upon. I forwarded the emails that were shared between us to his sister (a family friend of ours). He didn't like it and didn't feel comfortable opening up in his conversations either. Anyway, the whole thing went no where for other reasons as well and we ended up calling it off. So I can see why it could become a masla.
i always wondered about the thread topic too. there's no way a halal date between a man and woman can happen. feelings,temptations and desires can't be totally suppressed.
My feeling is that whenever someone is ready to be married, s/he should meet potential spouses in a variety of situations, in order to see if the two ore compatible. This could be in a parent's living room, or out for coffee or a meal, a movie, bowling, and such, etc. It could be chaperoned or unchaperoned, but in public. Personally once the two are serious, I do not have a problem with them being alone completely or holding hands, but I do think that's where the "halal" lines are crossed.
i always wondered about the thread topic too. there's no way a halal date between a man and woman can happen. feelings,temptations and desires can't be totally suppressed.
Yea because I always see couples with a shaparone having sex in cafes and parks.
i always wondered about the thread topic too. there's no way a halal date between a man and woman can happen. feelings,temptations and desires can't be totally suppressed.
You don't need to be out with someone to have impure thoughts.
If you're so lacking in self-control that you can't be out with someone you are attracted to without jumping their bones, it's probably time to see a professional.
The whole point of having an escort or a third person is to prevent any kind of sin/zina/adultery because Shaitan is bound to come in between if two people are alone like that. No matter how much confidence you have in your belief, its always good to be on the safe side. Adultery isn't just physical either and we are all familiar with the new avenues of sin this new technology has exposed us to (sexting anyone?) . So yeah, even though it might not be explicitly mentioned in Quran and Hadith to avoid MSN, texting etc., it's common sense to infer what Allah swt meant when he said it's wrong for two people to be alone and when He defined what 'Zina' was (of the mind, physical and eyes).
How is that possible? As far as I know, we're not accountable for evil/inappropriate thoughts. And I think any two self respecting Muslims who are genuinely looking for a partner, wouldn't allow their meeting whether online or in a public place to devolve into zina. Online communication is obviously a more preferable method since you get the best of both worlds, privacy and a safety barrier. I don't think a prospective couple getting to know each other would be into cyber-sex, sexting etc. unless they've built a rapport with each other, by which time they're probably already getting married.
very funny!
and no i didn’t mean that, but still i think it would be better to have a chaperone. i mean if the dates are more than one and maybe one person might feel like it’s something that will work and the other person doesn’t feel that way at all so just so there is no unnecessary emotional attachment that’s all i meant sahar didi.
and plus one time when i did go out with a guy in the first meeting(arranged), he got a bit too close and i was only 18 at the time so i really didn’t know how to handle it and didn’t know what he was doing since i did come from a conservative upbringing. just to protect both i think the chaperone thing is a good idea.
hmmm .... I think it's perfectly fine for men and women to talk and interact at workplace, mosque, gatherings, discussions, university, etc. with the conditions of respecting the boundaries and not being alone. When we put the word 'date' to define such interactions, it kind of gives a negative spin to it.
Marriage is supposed to be a lifelong decision, and I think it's okay for a person to get to know someone in a few meetings at public places (mosque,etc) if he/she is not crossing the moral boundaries.
Seriously people are dumb enough to actually believe there is halal dating? The answer is simple. There is no such thing as halal dating. Dating is haram period. Please don’t twist religion to fit your ****ed up views of what Islam should be according to you. You are no better than the Taliban.
Dating is haram. If you wish to date by all means do so, but there is no ****ing way it is halal.
And people wonder why people talk of the end of days
Dating for the fun of it and the kind you see on tv is obviously not halal. But what about dating as in the arranged kind of date with someone you're looking to marry?
Depends on what you mean when you use the word “date.” I don’t think that we are meant to marry complete strangers; I don’t think we are instructed to avoid contact completely with someone we may choose to marry. I don’t think it is haram to meet someone and get to know them better.
Still not halal. You are meeting a na mehram out of the family setting without a family member involved. Plus then it isn't a date.
It isn't a date, we're just calling it that for convenience. But in a public setting, you're not exactly alone are you? And that is the pre-req in Islam.
Okay lets do this. Define dating and define Haram in that context.
Dating is when a guy asks a girl out or a girl asks a guy out and they go out to dinner or a movie and call it a night. That is the most simplistic version of a date and that is in fact haram. Men and women can not see each other in a setting that is private or intimate. And yes dating can be intimate if done properly.
If a Chaperone is involved it is not haram. Meaning the woman is with a mehram and she is in the company of a male adult who has some religion duties owed to her. Father, brother etc. In that case is it really a date?
Now to clarify something. I do date. I do meet up with random girls for a dinner or a movie. But what I do know is what I am doing is Haram but I make the decision to break the rules of my faith. But i do not twist the faith.
Riz: From what little I know of Islam and by no means quote me on this, I would differ to RAW and others on the issue, but if a male family member is present then yes it is acceptable. But he has to be of age and stuff like that. IT has to be a mehram. And I do believe cousins can fall into that but I am not sure.
And that is not a date. You can not go on a date with her and brother or father.
I know i was gonna edit but thought what the hell.
very funny!