I recently went through a broken engagement less than two weeks before the wedding. And even though i am not hung up on the guy, its still hard for me to move on the in the terms of how i can trust anyone else ever again. What do you when you realise that you judged a person wrong and not just him but his family as well. Throughout the one year engagement, there were plenty of things i wasnt happy with but i thought its too late to do anything abt it now, what will the ppl say if i break it off now etc etc. In the end, it happened anyways and it makes me mad that i didnt take a step earlier.
Anyhow, how do you deal with the shattered trust? Its like i pick up the pieces, take a step forward and then something happens or i hear a comment from someone, and everything shatters again and places me two steps backward. How do i deal with the fact that i can make such a huge mistake in judging someone? How do you make yourself trust anyone ever again?
I am in the same boat - i am mad at myself for even taking the step of putting my name next to someone else… but in my case i broke it…
Its like you try to build yourself again with huge amount of courage but a comment even from your own mother indirectly can sometimes scatter you all over again. You keep on praying whatever is best for you to happen— obvsiously feeling like this wasnt the thing we were looking at. Sometimes i find myself lost in my own thoughts for hours and there is so solution…
I can fight i can go on far but comments can sometimes kill you…
we both need it
My attitude is becoming i dont give a crap sort of thing. Then i get a label of ABCD with this attitude.
You might have made a mistake in judging someone incorrectly but you are strong enough to rectify it and come out of it without giving into something your heart wasnt set to be in the first place.
awww, i’m sorry you guys had to go through with that, but atleast you were both smart enough to realise that it wasn’t what you wanted and got out of it before the wedding. Insha allah ira you’ll be able to move on, and learn to trust your instincts.
Ira sometimes its wise to trust our instincts. from now on trust your instincts and dont blindly trust anyone till they have earned it. its as simple as that. i dont believe in trusting someone 100%. maybe 99% but never a full 100%
Just trust Allah and know that not everyone's not the same. InshAllah you'll find someone again, some even better :D Someone who you can give your entire heart to. I bet you were too nice to see the guy's faults in the beginning.
p.s. I want to be there for you, like you were there for me (and im not hitting on u..u know what im talking about).
Ira, I'm not going to say I'm sorry this happened to you. If anything, Allah has saved you from something that could have been 10 times worse than a broken engagement. Count your blessings that you found out what type of person he and his family were before you became trapped.
Whatever happens usually happens for a reason. Allah mian saved you Ira.
As for trust, I am sure it is going to take a lot of time to get through this. Whatever you do, take your time and don't rush or force yourself into situations where you are trying to trust someone. It will take time and come naturally to you. Right now, you have been wounded deeply. Give yourself time to heal before even contemplating trusting anybody else. Surround yourself by your family and loved ones. They will help you through this.
Things happen for reason. Hopefully there must be a good reason whatever happened, happened.
Try to keep yourself busy and time will take care of it.
you will be able to trust someone someday, but it will take some time.
Nia, you are so right abt the comments. I feel the need to blame someone because my ex fiance didnt even tell me in person. he made his friend call me and tell me that he wasnt coming for the wedding :) I didnt get the chance to voice out my anger at him so i take it out on myself and my family.
LB: yes, i cannot believe how much stronger i came out of this situation. Alhamdulillah, when the thing was over, one of my journal entry was that "I am finally free".
Ramsha and shweet: I had said no to the rishta in the begining due to my instincts. Now i have realised that every single time i dont trust my instincts, i get into trouble. I suppose lesson learnt for life :)
Aishaaa: You were in a much difficult situation than I am. I absolutely did nothing for you except to bug you. I appreciate your concern. Will return your PM soon InshaAllah.
Solar: HTanks for the hug, i sure could use one!
Mehnaz: I am not sorry either. I am so glad that its over. My constant headaches are gone Alhamdulillah and overall i feel lighter. And i am not in the mood to trust anyone again, for a long time anyways. But i am developing this bad attitude towards life in general. I feel myself getting so bitter when I know i am not that kind of person. But how do you kick away the feeling of betrayal? At this point in life, i just want to be left alone to deal with this and live my life the way I want to.
first of all thank God for showing you that this was not going to work and to draw it to conclusion before you were further vested in this. It would be worse if you were to find out this was not going to work after the marriage.
There are things that happen and you can be distraught and think that life is over and have issues wit trust and what nots, but you get by. Sometimes you look back and thank God that you did not end up with someone.
You just need time Ira, and like Aishaa2.1 said, have faith in Allah. It’s also important to surround yourself with genuine people who do love you. I know it sounds cliche, but time will help you handle this. You know, it may even take a few years, but believe me, you will get through this and be able to trust again. Right now, everything that happened is just too fresh. It’s going take time and a lot of it. Hang in there.
Ira As someone said earlier trust your instincts and let ppl earn your trust. There is no set formula that will help you trust people again. You shouldn;t suffer for anothers wrong doings any more than u already have so try to look beyond it and feel blessed that the engagement came to an end. Had you followed your instincts sooner and you would have gotten out of it before much damage, but better late than never. You did judge him correctly, you just kept putting up with it probably for the sake of others, family, society. Give yourself some time and thats it. Take solace in the fact that Allah will deal with the person who did you wrong and betrayed you.
but even the strong can become stronger :)
and affairs of the heart can impact both genders pretty hard, even if not at the same level but i believe it varies from person to person.
kitnay shayar purranay mehboob ko yaad kar key umar bhar rotay rehtay hain
we both need it
