How do you do that without completely crushing their hopes?
It’s so obvious that this one person is not in love but she wants to think that she is. I suspect it’s the bollywood syndrome (i.e. in love with the concept of being in love).
Maybe I’ll delve further and share more about the relationship that she is in…but for now I just want to know how to tell her this.
Let me clarify a few things:
She has solicited advice from me. Very bluntly.
She is in a long-term, committed relationship that has been rocky from the early days.
if she is a teen ager she won't understand any logic and will just mis-interpret your intentions.
I have had tried in the past to put some sense in a grl but the response that I received just made me realize that I should just let her learn and decide on her own.
Angel,
She asked me to get involved and so far I have been simply asking leading questions that should help her to find her own answers. But I can talk to her one night and explain something in black and white and the next night she will come back and try to beat the same subject down again.
Angel,
She asked me to get involved and so far I have been simply asking leading questions that should help her to find her own answers. But I can talk to her one night and explain something in black and white and the next night she will come back and try to beat the same subject down again.
the only thing you can tell her right now is to search deep down in her heart/soul to find the answer she is looking for. tell her that no one can tell her what to do. tell her that she needs to look at things practically and not emotionally.
tell her to get out and start hanging around friends who care, this will give her support that she needs through this period, also tell her to explore more of herself alone, what we do alone by ourself (taking risks etc. meeting new people) actually helps more then what we do with others,
^ i don’t mean it in sexual way :mad: i meant it in a exploring her likes and dislikes etc. :smack: you dirty dirty girl. :snooty:
she’s been involved here for a long time and she probably compromised lots of her fav.'s for this person, its time for her to start living again how she wants to live, we all go through it, we compromise/sacrifice for others and forget who we are. i guess what i m trying to say is, that she should set some goals for herself that she wants to accomplish without anyone telling her otherwise.
That's precisely what I've been telling her danial.
To get out and do something for herself. To re-adjust her focus from him to herself.
Take a course, join a club that meets up. Re-prioritize.
She decided that she would focus on getting new curtains for one of the rooms in the house.....like hello? How is that doing something for yourself? It's just doing something. That's not what I wanted her to do. At the end of the day, that's doing something for the family unit.
I want her to be selfish. Totally, utterly and unabashedly selfish.
Angel,
Not considering the obvious in your comment.......
As long as a woman feels that she needs to have a man in her life.....she will not have him.
The minute she decides to be complete on her own, she will have them lining up.
you cant force her to realise it unless she actually wants to.. peoplwe live in their own world sumtimes and you cant get thru to them.
just be her friend
Comfort zone is where most of us reside to block out whats wrong with our lives.
Most of the time its fear of the unknown and fear of making the wrong decision and being alone.
So we stay in the comfort zone despite the fact that things are all messed up and life has no meaning.
Like women in a battered relationship will stay in that relationship regardless.
Cause they are too scared to break the cycle and be strong enough to get out of the relationship.
They might be scared bout financial issues or if they have kids the effect of it on their kids.
To get this woman out of her comfort zone would be introducing in her life that she is intersted in.
When her mind is occupied with stuff that she likes, she will realize things that she refused to realize and accept in her current surroundings.
yes...so I've questioned her over and over.....what do you enjoy?
what did you love to do before you had kids, before you were married?
what would you do if you didn't have any responsibilities?
would you like to work? would you like to do community service? would you like to go back to school? would you like to travel?
there is nothing.
her entire focus is on how her husband's unco-operative behaviour is making her life miserable. She believes that if she can just get him to be the man she needs for him to be, then all will be well and they will live happily ever after.
I can't get it through to her that a person is responsible for their own misery.
