Share your experiences or experiences of other people you know, good and bad, in which they have said yes to marriage to a person without meeting them. They knew what each other looked like, what they did, what their plans for the future were etc, but they couldn’t meet because of being in different countries.
My x-roommate is here in America and of course gets a lot of proposals from India. But her dilemma is always how can she say yes to somebody she has never met. Her mom thinks that if the dude is shareef then why not say yes. My mommy dearest is the same way. I mean how can you really know anything about somebody from having a few phone conversations and just seeing their picture?
So please, bestow upon me all of your wisdom people.
Re: How do you say yes?
I don' think many people say yes. Those who do say something like: jee, theek hay, chalay ga, guzara ho jayay ga .. ya phir just ok.
Re: How do you say yes?
A friend of mine married a bengladeshi guy. He is also Muslim. They met ol and were in love for four years when they got married finally. The guy came over to pak only when he came ot marry her. SO they had long decided everything even without having met each other.. Yet they did marry. After a big time strife. And the guy took her back to Bengladesh. They were happy is what i heard of them last.
Re: How do you say yes?
i guess you can never know until u are in the position ureself... baray barao ki akal ghaas khanay chali jathi hai... i used to be one of those that said.. abbay how can u marry someone without meeting them....
and then my ass got bitten by the love bug :D my husband is a close friend's cousin... we knew most of what there is to know bout each other.. and decided to get married after having talked online for a few months... we met the first time a day before our engagement.. that too with the folks around us cuz we had to do wedding shoppin at the same time... and the next time we met was on our mehndi/nikah day a few months later....
did it work out.. oh yes . BIG TIME.... i think it depends on how sincere and honest the ppl involved are.. and the remaining bit is all bout naseeb/kismat :)
and no matter how well u know a person... even if u are chaddi dosts... the minute u get married and start living together... everything changes... there are things u just never even think bout until u start living with someone...
Re: How do you say yes?
If it does not feel right to say yes...then it isn't right.
Re: How do you say yes?
Because....
you can never know someone fully or properly until ur living wiht him or her.
its pretty easy to tell when someone is completely bad news and faking it....thats the parents' job, since they're not blinded by emotion
Other than that.....lets say you do know someone personally, and for a lnog time? whose to say that person u know is better than the one u've never met? if that makes any sense. my point is...everyone has flaws... the way u meet someone shouldn't hamper ur ability tro work things out ....
Re: How do you say yes?
Because....
you can never know someone fully or properly until ur living wiht him or her.
its pretty easy to tell when someone is completely bad news and faking it....thats the parents' job, since they're not blinded by emotion
Other than that.....lets say you do know someone personally, and for a lnog time? whose to say that person u know is better than the one u've never met? if that makes any sense. my point is...everyone has flaws... the way u meet someone shouldn't hamper ur ability tro work things out ....
Took the words right out of my mouth.
Sometimes it takes a life time to get to know someone and even then you can never understand the person. Unless you are in love with a person and have been with them for 2-3 years, what difference does it make whether you met the person a few times (for meals, meetings) or never met them? It's all in mind. You just have to be open and willing to step into a relationship and ready to compromise. This applies to both parties as well as to those who married their love after being with them for a long time.
Re: How do you say yes?
Interesting...
I think it is easier and less awkward to talk to somebody when you are doing it on your own, i mean you meet them or get to know them on your own. I think it is just weird, when there are people telling you to talk to somebody and you know WHY you are talking to them. It's like a job interview or something.
Re: How do you say yes?
YOU DONT!! say yes. :>
you say: noyes, yesno
makes sense?
Re: How do you say yes?
Close your eyes ... take a deep breath ... and say ... YES ...
btw if u know that u gona get ***** ... its better to relax and enjoy it :)
Re: How do you say yes?
marriage to some degree is ALWAYS a gamble
and your happiness in your marriage doesn’t always depend on who you are getting married to but your own Qismat
i’d still say to go with the gut feeling and how many things logically look right
i’d still want to meet my future spouse a couple times just to see what he’s like
i think being attracted to him is important. you need to find him hot. he needs to turn you on :halo:
Re: How do you say yes?
Interesting...
I think it is easier and less awkward to talk to somebody when you are doing it on your own, i mean you meet them or get to know them on your own. I think it is just weird, when there are people telling you to talk to somebody and you know WHY you are talking to them. It's like a job interview or something.
Lucky me (and my family who now realize it) that our marriage was a love marriage. I did not have to go through that awkward experience nor did she have to bring tea trays to guests (except to my parents :D). We had to face DIFFERENT challenges but that's a separate story :D
I agree with you, it's really difficult to find rishtas, once you find them, you have to "present" yourself to them. This applies to both boys and girls. How do I know? Because currently my brother is going through it. He has met only 2 families yet. In both cases, girls did not plan to go to college (they had finished high school and were working in retail) and that's a big nono in our family. We are not looking for Ph. Ds but at lease Bachelors. Anyway, getting back to the story, I can completely understand that it's frustrating and I guess desi parents will have to open up a little and accept when their children find someone suitable for themselves.
Re: How do you say yes?
:desimunda:
dang man, it’s almost been a yr!! still can’t believe u’re married…can we go back to KHI for the 1st anniversary :whistling
Re: How do you say yes?
One of my good friends did exactly this, marry a girl from back home he had never met, simply agreed on a showing of a pic from his mam.
Sadly just 18 months on, their relationship is already on the rocks and talk has begun about ending the relationship. I guess that is the risk you take going into a relationship blindly.
Re: How do you say yes?
Maybe he trusted his mother's judgement that she was a good person to marry?
Re: How do you say yes?
like I always say in every thread that relates to this topic…
marriage is a gamble…whether it’s an arranged marriage or a love marriage. In either case you dont really know a person til you are married to them. Scary but true. 
Just take a look at most relationships here in the west..they date for yrs, live together and what not…they get married and STILL majority of those relationships end up in divorce. So you tell me…what good did falling in love before marriage do for them?
With an arranged marriage you dont get to know the person you are marrying. You dont have the opportunity to develop feelings for them therefore making the entire “getting to know each other” process AFTER marriage really akward not to mention stressful if you arent seeing eye to eye.
so either way…there is a possibility that you’re screwed :biggthumb
because marriage is a gamble no matter which way you approach it…I think one should be open to the possibility of getting married either way.
Re: How do you say yes?
I am sure this is exactly what she wanted to hear and it will help her/and her friend make th decision which route to choose 
Re: How do you say yes?
One of my good friends did exactly this, marry a girl from back home he had never met, simply agreed on a showing of a pic from his mam.
Sadly just 18 months on, their relationship is already on the rocks and talk has begun about ending the relationship. I guess that is the risk you take going into a relationship blindly.
thats sounds a bit extreme though. You cant just decide to marry only on a pic no matter how much you trust your parents!
Re: How do you say yes?
reality bites!