Re: How do you say yes?
Lucky me (and my family who now realize it) that our marriage was a love marriage. I did not have to go through that awkward experience nor did she have to bring tea trays to guests (except to my parents :D). We had to face DIFFERENT challenges but that's a separate story :D
I agree with you, it's really difficult to find rishtas, once you find them, you have to "present" yourself to them. This applies to both boys and girls. How do I know? Because currently my brother is going through it. He has met only 2 families yet. In both cases, girls did not plan to go to college (they had finished high school and were working in retail) and that's a big nono in our family. We are not looking for Ph. Ds but at lease Bachelors. *Anyway, getting back to the story, I can completely understand that it's frustrating and I guess desi parents will have to open up a little and accept when their children find someone suitable for themselves.
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Good luck to that.