I agree with Nia here, she's so FIESTY! Sometimes you just HAVE to tell people how it is, and if that results in some distant family member to be naraaz with you, to hell with it, do you care if someone who gives you crap doesn't like you? I have actually said to relatives asking such questions that they are being ignorant and jaahil. THat usually shuts them up. It also usually results in "haawww hai, kaisa badtameez hai", yeah I don't give a rip.
And for all you jacka**es who say things like "people are so sensitive" or "people aren't out to get you", wait till you're married and someone tells your wives, "hey your kids are turning into uglies" then come back and say that people are being sensitive.
Last time someone made a comment in front of me about another relative of ours behind his back, this jacka** said how "kaala" this guy was becoming and I actually said "haan, aur aap to baday goray chittay hain na?", that shut him up.
aahmed, you have some strong opinions there. I'm not sure if your advice is going to apply to everyone dealing with this problem. Sometimes it's better to take the high road. I believe that in the big picture, Allah is the only judge. So anyone else, even with rude, mean comments don't matter. Putting people in their place doesn't mean giving them a taste of their own medicine. I hope ultimately these judgemental relatives will have some sense of shame and realize what they really did.
I hate people...
Hahaha... yeah, those jacka**es should get married and have kids before having an opinion. Actually if you consider these two as criteria for having an opinion on this topic, then even you are disqualified. Tsk tsk.
Saara time naak pe ghussa.... saari duniya se naraaz. What a sad life.
When I was in pakistan, my jaith would sometimes call my son "kaloo".. although he wasnt totally kaloo. I never said anything to him, just gave him a plain look. Khair I knew that my son could never be fair-skinned because both of us had gandami complexion. Jaith's children have fair-complexion because their mother is a Kashmiri.
But still it hurts when someone calls your child things like that and you cant say anything to them :(
I dont c how u ppl can stay so quiet, fine if its an insult against you, but how can you shut up and listen to garbage about your own parents or children ?????
my mom was rather thick headed, whn she got sick of listening to some of my dad’s family comments she decided not to see them for years…
that’s a bit harsh…after all we have only one family, sure they are not perfect, but there are problems anywhere, life ain’t a bed a roses!
i agree with some people that first we should try not to feel hurt by stupid comments, cause we are worth MORE! then if stupid people make stupid comments we can try to let them know we dont’ like it in a nice manner…but if thy stil don’t understand, we can start not being so nice to them:halo:
Sometimes you have to, sara. You'll understand this when you get married. I am not scaring you again, but really sometimes, chup rehnay main hi bhalaie hai.
The world does talk - and as much you'd like to, you can't shut each and every one of them up. heck, would you even be bothered to?
knowing that it's only rubbish gibberish, the best thing to do is - Ignore.
it also depends on the intent of the person. if it's said without malice and only because that's what they've been brought up to believe - roots being hard to shake off in some cases - theres no point in arguing with them, cos it wont help any. but if something is said when its not at all needed and with an intention to hurt or annoy you can tell em to stfu.
Some ppl used to refer to my eldest as 'tadpole' or the ugly duckling.
Does it matter....while I'm certainly witnessing k he Is a swan when it comes to qualities mashaAllah! So what....I wouldn't say anything to those ppl.....let Allah miaN decide, who is who!
i usually give a "smart mouth" comment back....with all due respect of course grins
i just find it very hard to ignore rude ppl like that no matter who it is.
What CHEEGUm said above is something I would say to someone in reply. lol
I dunno man, if being married means ill let rotten in laws talk crap about my parents and my kids(!!!) then wats the point of bein married? Stuipd stupid stupid ppl I know how things are man, and I will never let someone get away wiht saying stupid crap about my dad or mom or even my brother and sure as hell NOT my kids. That’s just wrong.
awww dont worry Sara..
its really not that bad, once you learn and understand the personalities of the people in your inlaws, you start to learn to ignore them.
Waisay bhi, Allah miyan to dekh rahay hain na.. Khudhi nibat’tay rahain gay
Man i just hear so many horrible things ppl will do to kids and their parents will just sit by and let it happen, and i'm talkin abt abuse (mental/sexual/physical). I think thats really unforgiveable. I dont think a parent just standing by and let someone insult/abuse their child is right at all! You're not totally powerless in this world, when it comes to ur kids u gotta do watever it takes to protect them from horrible people like that.
Faisal, it’s not that I have “ghussa on my naak” all the time, it’s just that I prefer not to socialize any further with ignorant people. Why would anyone want to put themselves in a position over and over again to be insulted or to have their children insulted? I guess there is something to be said for turning the other cheek, but why try to preserve a family relationship with someone who insults your children? It’s not anger, it’s complete apathy and telling someone how you really feel about them, ie you think they’re imbeciles. If they have no qualms about calling your kids kalloo or ugly, why should you sugar coat things? Why shouldn’t YOU be able to say what YOU feel, they’re obviously not holding back.
SaimaNYC, you’re obviously a more rational person than I am, and definitely more diplomatic. I just can’t sugar coat things and am a very blunt person, sometimes it bites me in the a$$ but mostly it works out for the better.
I always think the response should be proportionate. Biting someone's head off for saying that you look healthy/weak is certainly over-reaction unless there is some history. If someone is patently taunting you then its ok to serve back in the same vein (assuming you cherish a good fight), but if someone is just being overly concerned where you feel they have no business commenting, a polite "thank you for your concern" and walking away is probably a more appropriate way to deal with the situation.
Then again, if you are itching for a fight anyway, any excuse is good enough.
Although, I must caveat my comments by saying that my own experience is extremely limited as very very few times in my life have I had people say anything like that to me, and it may just have to do with the persona you portray while dealing with family and friends. If someone appears weak and indecisive, then people are likely to give unsolicited advice, because that apparently is a cherished cultural tradition back home. Coming from the US, where mind-your-own-business is the norm, this may seem very uncomfortable. It helps to have some smart non-confrontational retorts ready for these basic comments.
I know how things are man, and I will never let someone get away wiht saying stupid crap about my dad or mom or even my brother and sure as hell NOT my kids. That’s just wrong.
