How do you forget someone who started meaning so much . It’s one sided they were not suppose to mean so much but really who can control how they feel completely want to cut all contact but always find myself going back some excuse . How do you move on
Re: How do you move on
you forget someone by starting to make your own life and working on your own dreams and goals. Being around those that uplift you.
It’s quite unhealthy to invest yourself into a one-sided relationship and I guess you sometimes cannot control how you feel.
Learn a new sport, try a new activity or strengthen a hobby. You need to divert your attention off of someone who isn’t giving you back what you’re putting in. The longer it takes you to cut off contact the more it’ll hurt and the more you will feel you’ve wasted your time and effort. Unless this is something worth pursuing give yourself a gift. The gift of your time which you won’t get back. Good luck!
Re: How do you move on
rolll your feelings in a ball. put that ball in the darkest corner of your gut and drown it in 15 year old whisky.
you can also use rooh afza or jam e sheereen but not shezzan
Re: How do you move on
Why not shezan… I love it…
Re: How do you move on
too much shugar …give you hangover in the morning
Re: How do you move on
How do you move on? By telling yourself ’ tu nahe te koi hor sahi’ :d
Re: How do you move on
Age old question but basically you need to realize that YOU deserve better, someone who returns your feelings and is only committed to you. It is definitely not going to be easy to move on but you owe it to yourself.
Re: How do you move on
It takes time. You have to keep busy. Occupy your time with various worldly and spiritual activities. I feel the spiritual is a necessary component. You could throw yourself into your work, hit the gym, watch a movie, read a book and these things will help to an extent…but what really anchors you emotionally is taking time out each day to connect with Allah. And one of the best ways to do that is dhikr and in particular what helped me was reciting darood. I would recite it on my drive to work and then on my way back home…even during work at times…at home…while walking, or doing chores, etc etc. I would persist at it and the recitation keeps your tongue and your mind occupied. There are spiritual blessings in the parhaai you do and over time you feel the effects of it…it can make you internally stronger and change your perspective on whatever it was that once consumed your heart.
You may not be able to control how you feel. It takes times for feelings to reduce in intensity and then to fizzle out altogether. But what you can control is what you do with those feelings. You may really like this guy and you might not be able to control those feelings…but you are able to control yourself from “going back to him.” It all depends on whether you want to or not. You can’t help liking a particular food, but you do have the power to not eat it, or go give it away, or to to eat less of it. Maybe that’s not the best analogy, lol. But you can always choose to delete his number, get rid of his pictures, etc etc. It all boils down to whether or not you want to.
Why is keeping him in your life a “farz” for you? Is it some religious or moral farz for you to maintain contact/relations with him? It isn’t. It’s only you that you have placed him on a pedestal to where he has become almost as necessary as paani or oxygen. No worldly relation or blessing is permanent. The people you hold so dear in your life can move away, break up with you, they can die. Even things like wealth, health, youth, fame/izzat, career…none of these are permanent. They come with ups and downs and losses…irreversible loss even. That’s why none of these things are the real purpose for which we were created. We were not meant to attach our hearts so strongly and deeply to worldly things that are not permanent. It’s only Allah that’s permanent and unto Him is our return. So, it is to Him that we should attach our hearts to. When you hold on to something stable, something that has a 100% guarantee, you feel secure. When you hold on to something that is not stable…that has no guarantee…you become unstable. Like holding onto a branch that 's swaying in the wind, you’re going to end up swaying with it. This guy is like that flimsy branch in the wind. And the higher up on the tree that branch is…the more it’s going to hurt when it breaks and falls. In other words, the harder you hold on to him…or the thought of him…the higher and higher your emotional/mental climb will be…the more difficult/painful it will become when you are forced to let go. One thought that has crossed my mind is that one gives so much of their heart…their emotional energy…might even lose their sanity and sleep over a person…but for what? What have they done for you that warrants so much inner devotion or allegiance from us? Have they raised us? Have they risked their lives for us? Paid our bills? Done us some immense favor/ehsaan that is hard to pay back? Most of the time the answer to these questions is a “No.” So if we lose ourselves for someone whose existence has not really made a profound impact on our lives…then how would we react if ..God Forbid…we were to permanently lose the people in our lives who truly have shown us love, who have always been there…such as our parents. I don’t know how to explain myself. But if one can feel so intensely about the loss of some guy or girl …what would one do if they lost an immediate family member? I’m not saying this to mock you. I have been through my share of heartache so that’s why I’m posing this question to you. This question gave me some food for thought, it helped to shift my perspective. And maybe it might help you too. “Started meaning so much”…he has only “started” meaning so much to you. There are other relations in your life that are more worthy of the attention/energy that your spending on this guy…and first and foremost is your relation with Allah…the One who has given us much without us asking…when we are so negligent toward Him and so undeserving. We tend to exert more of our hearts toward other pursuits than towards Him.
So, in the grand scheme of things…looking at your whole life…what profoundly meaningful things or contributions or sacrifices…has this guy done for you that make him soooooo deserving of your time and tears and heartache? If you can’t think of a good enough answer then start channeling that energy toward more meaningful pursuits. First and foremost, use the time you spend thinking of him…toward connecting with Allah. He made you, so He knows you, and He can heal you.
Re: How do you move on
The phase of ‘moving on’ starts with the acceptance of the fact that things were not meant to be the way you were pursuing them. Having said that, you gotto set some goals for your life. They can either be new or old but they must be very different from wut u were doing doing earlier while being ‘involved’. The point will be to make sure nothing brings back old memories and halt your progress towards achieving those goals. Now it can be anything like learning new skills, starting up your own business, getting new job, moving out, travelling or whatever. But just go for it and dont look back.
Re: How do you move on
You have nothing to move on from, you didn’t live together, you don’t have a property together, you don’t have kids together, you weren’t married or engaged you didn’t holiday together. Seems like an unhealthy obsession, mostly I would say get a life and do something meaningful with your time.
I was with someone for 7 yrs and I still cherish the relationship I had and we just have to accept that we are who we are because of people who were a part of our life. I wouldn’t be half the man I am if Dianne had never been a part of my life.Focus on how you grew and not on what you lost.
Re: How do you move on
I don’t agree with blocking memories and not thinking about it, you should, in fact, learn to cherish the good memories as they are a part of you.
Re: How do you move on
I think what he meant was in the early stages when it hurts and when it’s virtually impossible to think about something else you should block the memories. Later, when time heals all the wounds then you can come back and re-visit the memories and learn from the experience. I think its impossible to block memories from your life regardless of how good or bad they were. They will always be a part of you. With time sometimes they become unclear or not as strong because we start moving on in our lives and start making new ones.
Re: How do you move on
True, if the memories are making you dysfunctional then yes but how do you have memories about someone who wasn’t even a part of your life, I see that a lot in desis and boggles my mind.
Re: How do you move on
OP doesn’t mention who this other person was. A friend, colleague, etc. Maybe they saw them on a daily basis. Maybe it was someone who they spent prolonged periods of time with.
Sometimes it has to do with the memories you have just made in your head with that person. Some people go on and fantasize a relationship with someone and plan a future together without that person even knowing. It’s pretty crazy but it happens and its not something you plan to do but you just start perfecting the situation in your head and living a false reality. Then when it doesn’t work out you’re all heart broken when in reality the other person may not feel the same way or was planning on taking the relationship in that direction.
Contrastingly, even if someone isn’t a huge part of your life it doesn’t mean you cannot develop feelings for them. You may notice just one small good aspect about them and it may really intrigue you or allow you to become really invested in them. Again, very unhealthy, because you don’t know about other aspects of their personality that might turn you off. You just start focusing on their one good quality and become totally invested.
Re: How do you move on
I agree with the fantasy part, I had noticed that back home in my teenage years where the boys were professing the deepest love for girls they had never even talked to, one dumb kid tried committing suicide over a girl who didn’t even know he existed. People like that may need a reality check. My boys girlfriend at 18 is on her third serious relationship and people here are mentally prepared to move on. His best friend Justin was all teary eyed when his girlfriend repeatedly cheated on him and in a few days he found a much improved model and has an ear to ear grin…there is always the next bus if you missed the first one.
Re: How do you move on
Thanks for the replies. If only I was mature . It’s just difficult to accept.I wonder if this is a confidence issues .
The idea of a life without this person makes life seem long and daunting .
Re: How do you move on
“So, in the grand scheme of things…looking at your whole life…what profoundly meaningful things or contributions or sacrifices…has this guy done for you that make him soooooo deserving of your time and tears and heartache? If you can’t think of a good enough answer then start channeling that energy toward more meaningful pursuits. First and foremost, use the time you spend thinking of him…toward connecting with Allah. He made you, so He knows you, and He can heal you.”
Nothing has not done anything . That’s what makes me feel stupid. Probably does not even careless about how I feel. I lack willpower. I honestly hope this phases passes. Am trying to do more zikr.
Re: How do you move on
The phase will pass like any other phase in your life.
It’ll slip by when you don’t even know it.
When you try to force yourself to forget things, or not go through the grief, it’s kinda painful. Hurt needs to be accepted and lived through, only then you have the courage to move on. You’ll get sick of feeling so down and you’ll have your “snap” or “break-through moment”. Until then take it slow and don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ll be okay.
Re: How do you move on
Do cleaning cooking laundry get a job help the underprivileged make a difference looks like u have a lot of time to waste
Re: How do you move on
You will move on, just give yourself some time.
Find new friends, that will keep you busy. Try something new, some activity which keeps you occupied.
If nothing works, just pray. InshAllah things will get better. Good luck.