Re: How do you know if he’s the one?
Your idea of arranged marriage is actually forced marriage. Arranged marriage actually should have no force in it and should ultimately be the decision of the two people who are getting married. Alhumdulillah I was never forced to consider any rishta. And I did not change who I am to please my spouse. As for your bhabhi she has compromised more than her husband. That unfortunately is wrong. In marriage there should be compromise on both sides not just one.
Measures of compatibility are things like: do you both share the same thoughts and ideas on big issues like children, marriage, the rights of a spouse, family involvement etc. You find that out through talking to each other.
Unfortunately you seem to only have seen bad examples of arranged marriage. But that doesn’t mean if you went down that route that it would end badly for you. Sometimes you just need to have faith and leave it to Allah. Its all kismet at the end of the day. Allah is the best of Planners. He always does what is best for us.
You can’t know 100% what someone else is thinking but you can put all of your trust in Allah and know that He won’t break it.