How/when does the girl know if a specific guy is the one for her? Like if you’re going the arranged marriage route and have never dated or anything, how would you know? Also should there be a minimum time that you should get to know the guy before baat pakki or engagement (1 year maybe)? What questions should you ask this guy to get to know him better or to assess as to what type of a person he is?
Thank you!
Re: How do you know if he’s the one?
If you cant find any red flags and still cant be certain then…if you are not Muslim consult wisest elders in your circle closest to you, if you are Muslim pray salatul istikharah. Then decide
Re: How do you know if he’s the one?
you will hear violins whenever you see him walking …
Re: How do you know if he’s the one?
^lol
Re: How do you know if he’s the one?
u never know. also there is no ‘the one’ in real life. its all bull by the media. its ur luck who u end up with and some effort to make it work.
Re: How do you know if he’s the one?
You don’t. You make a decision based on the facts you have. There is no such thing as “the one”. There is compatibility and attraction which with hard work and compromise on both sides builds into love and loyalty.
Best questions to ask during rishta process are things like:
What do you think makes a marriage work?
What are your thoughts on children?
How would you feel about your wife working?
What are you not willing to compromise on?
What are you looking for in a partner?
What qualities are most attractive to you?
Questions that give you an idea on how the guy thinks and his mental compatibility.
Of course before you do this you should sit down and answer the questions yourself too. You should know exactly what you want in a life partner and what character qualities are mist important to you.
After all that inshallah leave it with Allah.
Its a gamble whether its arranged or not. You never truly know someone until you’ve lived with them and been through good and bad experiences with them.
Re: How do you know if he’s the one?
As someone in your boots, i found this quite difficult too. I’ve never dated either and now this whole arranged marriage thing where it’s very difficult to decide if this guy is the one or not.
I’ve just kept in mind that it’s never like the movies, there are no violins (@MustafaQuraishi, lol, good one), he won’t sit there and stare at you like its the end of the world, he’s not going to chase you while you get shy and run around. All that is BS. You just have to ask the right questions and try to understand the guy. If his answers are what you’re looking for, stage 1= pass.
Stage 2 consists of observation. Observing how he is with his family, adults, children, if he’s kind to waiters or just a stuck up prick. You have to observe and look out for things that are red flags and look for things that you hope are in your ideal partner.
Stage 3 is talking it out with your elders and adults who have experience. I’ve seen that always helps.
This is how i see it may be, i still haven’t gotten past anyone who could answer my questions, let alone letting it get further. If i do, i’ll let you know how it goes. lol
Who ever said finding your life partner is easy was a crazy person or someone who had all the luck in the world.
Re: How do you know if he’s the one?
Onnah day mathay Tay likhya si.
Re: How do you know if he’s the one?
Why would a non-Muslim consult an elder? I mean they have time to find out about the other person and mix and mingle as much as they’d like to (usually).. I doubt their elders would know (or care) more tbh..
Re: How do you know if he’s the one?
You will find out on your 20th anniversary
Re: How do you know if he’s the one?
Go on dates.
Re: How do you know if he’s the one?
This site has some great ideas for conversational/probing questions:
Re: How do you know if he’s the one?
Spot on!
Re: How do you know if he’s the one?
There probably will be some attraction or some chemistry for you to know. I guess when it happens you just know.
Re: How do you know if he’s the one?
“The one” is who is the closest in ticking all your boxes imo. Also Istikhara prayer is a must.
Re: How do you know if he’s the one?
You only know after.
Like when you know.. that he is Not the…Not the one.
It must be the one.
But if he Not the one… then you suffer. …
sorry nature of the business.
Re: How do you know if he’s the one?
and what are those questions ?
I have asked this question before and will ask again, if someone is seeing you with knowledge that you two both might get married, don’t you think he will always put the best just to impress you ?
If I am 30 years old and desperate to get married, then i will be hell sure that whenever I see a girl I will show those traits which a girl is normally impressed by.
And believe me I will do everyting given that I am 30 years old and I am desperate.
Once I am married, I no longer have to pretend what I was because now I have a girl with me …
I can never understand how these arrange marriages work. I would never understand. Either I will just take the leap of faith that OMG, the girl has beautiful eyes, lets marry and hope she will have beautiful personality … Or stay away from rishta specific dates. I would much rather talk to a girl with no intention of marrying and see how it goes.
Re: How do you know if he’s the one?
this provides a good insight. Thank you Reha for sharing this with us. Just a small note to that, dont fire away questions as a list, go with the discussion, and come back, fill in answers you get. Later ask the ones which have been left and you think are important, directly.
I recently got engaged to a guy, who shares couple of attributes with me, we both are eldest in our sibs, we have a big ‘say’ in our family’s day to day OR critical decisions.
We had gotten together for (so called) halal dates, after the first meet up in our home. After the first one we met three times, for three consecutive days, this was not initial plan, but it just happened. He stayed at hotel, for enitre duration. He lead the discussion, summary for three and half days would be like this.
He was of the opinion, that poeple should marry for what they are, not what they will be, or what they can be, through better half’s expectations. He was very clear that we should be very truthful if we want things to go in right direction, otherwise in his observation, things fall apart in people’s lives. he did tell me, it’s not easy considering someone like that and meeting someone face to face, ensured it’s hard for him equally, and advised me to take it easy, things will go in correct way, he thanked me before leaving. This was first meet up, at our house, we had this discussion, in our lawn for five minutes. his family had accompanied him that day. and then they left the same day, while he stayed back.
all the other meetups were in form of the discussion, my younger (married sister) had accompanied me, we met outisde.
He came out with idea, that it has to start some way, so one of us, have to do ‘tell all’ for their side, what their expectations are, how their lives have been etc… he lead and did something interesting. He said he’ll begin with whats bad about him, what the challenges have been and will be in his life, rest of the stuff isnt that bad, and I can decide myself, if compatibility is there, and then I’d begin with my side. he was more than fair and confident in his elaboration. he explained and revealed parts of his life, its usually hard for a human to do.
Next day, mostly it was me. we sat in visible isolation and took casual strolls, first two lasted about two-three hours.
He was good in floating the discussion ahead, he almost made me laugh hard (i controlled it always, with the simple smile)
third day, it was almost half an hour. He did declare, he would be lucky to have me and if i consent, he would like to ask my hand formally to my parents. that one ride back to my home, was the most difficult one ever, I wanted to jump on bed, dance, i dont know what! first person i told this was, my mother.
I did the istikhara, and I prayed to God, please make it good through this one. and God did listen to the prayer.
Then came a phase, in our lives, both of us started acting like kids, we got enaged (again not initial plan) we did, we misused the power we have in our homes 
and let me tell you, violins are real! Standing next him shoulder to shoulder, its feeling i can not explain, you feel complete. People who’ve been there, know what I am talking about.
To let you all in on a secret, I had fallen for him, on first day, it was really hard, keeping that ‘falling for’ feeling aside, and not allowing it to manipulate the thoughts which were going to be exchanged in upcoming meet ups.
Since our engagement, every morning, when I wake up, I thank God, for giving me so much, I really have no idea, what did I do to desrve this!
it all happened very fast, i had not anticipated any thing like, this might very unconventioanal pakistani rishta-engagement, but it worked for us. What most people will miss in this topic is, parents have a big part to play in for their sons and daughters.
Re: How do you know if he’s the one?
**TL;DR: **anyone?
**EDIT (Just read it): **See i told you guys. you will hear violins.
