How do you know if he's the one?

[htmwrites]

Re: How do you know if he’s the one?

@MustafaQuraishi

I totally understand your pov and i get it why you have strong words on this process. I can also believe that okay there might be people (girls for me) whom I can ask “some” questions to see what the compatibility is … BUT no matter what i do, these things will stay stuck in back of my mind.

I am a very straight forward person and I take said words very important. If someone says that she doesn’t like star plus dramas, I would believe in that without asking my parents to figure out the truth (a lame example though).

The point is, that no matter how much I think about this “rishta dates” and no matter how much i prepare myself to have these dates fruitfull, I will always have this fear in my mind that WHAT IF.

To give you two examples, one of my cousin got married to a guy who said that he has amazing job and God knows what. My cousin’s family did their investigation and they said yeah, he is good and got married. After few months of wedding my cousin learned that the guy has no job or no future, everything that they investigated was faked. I can say that my cousin’s family didn’t their job well but one example is good enough to scare the **** out of me ?

I met a girl here in Canada and I was amazed to find someone that good. She was tall, knew how to carry the conversation and mad confidence … I really really liked her. We met couple of times and everything (those questions) seems perfectly lined untill a friend of my friend saw me with her. He approached me via facebook and said whats up with you and that girl. I told him that this is the story and he told me dude stay away … and then he told me stuff that I would have never known about her. To be honest, I wouldn’t have mind her past … but what i did mind was learning all this from someone else. who knew there were more to the story ?

Bottom line - I don’t believe if you are meeting someone just because of rishta purpose. It doesn’t work or at least I am scared.

I can understand why you’re scared. I’m scared too. Every time someone recommends someone to me. It scares me through and through just thinking about the fact that i’m supposed to be prepared to say yes or no to someone i only meet a couple of times (the hundreds of meetings after saying YES to someone don’t count here) but sometimes you just have to have faith.

I’m not the biggest romantic out there so i don’t believe that prince charming will come astride his white horse and whisk me away. I’m more of the, find that dude and see where it goes from there kind. I just have to believe that Allah will help me out through that search. Instead of feeling so hopeless and scared like you are right now, i tend to focus my energy on all the positive examples i had around me, instead of the negative ones. I’m the biggest realist there is and so i weigh my pros and cons. Not all stories around me are bad so i think to myself, why not me? Why can’t i open my heart and mind just a little bit to give someone else a chance? Sure, what happened to your cousin was terrible and i wouldnt wish that on anyone but there are also hundreds others in your family who’ve had good rishta’s and lives.

I trust my parents and my family will do everything to the best of their ability, and then there’s Istikhara and just the belief that Allah will take care of me. You’ve got to try and get rid of the fear, inshallah it will go well for you I hope you find a nice girl, someone who can take the fear away.