OK my in-laws are visiting. My husband is their eldest son and the most well established child. Always listend to his parents, did what they wanted him to do. And yeah they are the reason he is successful today.
But this is what bother me a LOT. His parents are always hugging and kissing him and babying him. I don’t get it. He is 30 yrs old and his mother feeding him. WTH… I’ve raised in a rough and tough family. Pretty much did everything on my own. That sight of my husband hugging and kissing his parents is so disturbing to me. NO i am not jealous but I sometimes think that its not appropriate for a guy to do this. He once got a tiny little blister on his foot, and OMG… his whole family was running for medications of all sorts. He tells his parents every single detail of our life, every bit so they can tell him what to do. Seriously??? We even had few arguements over this. He knows how much I dislike that his parents are always treating him like a 2 yr old.
So I am wondering if this is common in desi culture??!! and if it is.. how do spouses that are raised differently get used to this affection??
The fact that he is successful in what he is doing means that he is a capable person but at the same time extremely attached to his family. Unless you feel that you don't get your share of love and attention, I think you shouldn't worry about the display of affection by his family. First of all they are visiting so it isn't like you have to deal with it for a long time, and also his sharing details with them is because he probably likes their responses, nothing to be threatened about. Your worries should arise only if you feel alienated or left out...which I don't think is the case. This kind of behavior may or may not go away but with time you will learn to handle it better.
OK my in-laws are visiting. My husband is their eldest son and the most well established child. Always listend to his parents, did what they wanted him to do. And yeah they are the reason he is successful today.
But this is what bother me a LOT. His parents are always hugging and kissing him and babying him. I don't get it. He is 30 yrs old and his mother feeding him. WTH... I've raised in a rough and tough family. Pretty much did everything on my own. That sight of my husband hugging and kissing his parents is so disturbing to me. NO i am not jealous but I sometimes think that its not appropriate for a guy to do this. He once got a tiny little blister on his foot, and OMG... his whole family was running for medications of all sorts. He tells his parents every single detail of our life, every bit so they can tell him what to do. Seriously!!!?? We even had few arguements over this. He knows how much I dislike that his parents are always treating him like a 2 yr old.
So I am wondering if this is common in desi culture??!! and if it is.. how do spouses that are raised differently get used to this affection??
Needless to say, Spiral, every family is different. Parents raise their children differently. And this pampering is more common with sons than daughters in desi families because as a culture, sons are more favored. So, it's not altogether unusual to see such "babying" or "spoiling" of sons in desi culture. That doesn't mean that this is the reason why your in-laws spoil your husband. It could very well be that he is simply their favorite child. Or perhaps, his parents treat all their children like that.
Look, your in-laws have been raising your husband in this manner for 30 years. They're not going to change. And your husband has behaved in this manner toward them for 30 years. That's not going to change either. It's not like you see his parents all the time, so it's not a constant headache for you.
As far as the issue of him sharing marital problems with his parents is concerned, then talk to him about it. Try a non-defensive tone. Praise him for the relationship he has with his parents. Praise him and parents for their positive qualities.....and then proceed to tell him that you'd appreciate if he did not discuss marital concerns with his parents and explain why it makes you feel uncomfortable without blaming him or sounding defensive. Explain your concerns to him using ISLAMIC REFERENCES such as hadith about marital relationships. Explain that a wife has rights over her husband and that a couple is like a garment for each other. And a** "garment"** provides protection, comfort, and it conceals from shame or exposure. And revealing problems you have with your wife to parents is like like exposing your spouse and it's a uncomfortable situation for the other party. Explain with religious reference and see if that doesn't make a difference.
And while his parents are cooking and bandaging him...........you can take a break ;)
Unless he's sharing really personal stuff with ur parents, i dont think u should get so worked up about it.
They are his parents, they are visiting and he prob just wants to make them feel involved with day to day things. Whats the big deal?
My MIL is visitign at the moment and we're also in the middle of moving into a new house.. there are so many things still to organise, like blinds and all sorts of things.. if the hubby asks his mum what she thinks of what we've selected, whats the big deal?!
And about the babying thing... he's their son. He may be 50, and parents will still see them as their lil baby. I think it's cute.
Needless to say, Spiral, every family is different. Parents raise their children differently. And this pampering is more common with sons than daughters in desi families because as a culture, sons are more favored. So, it's not altogether unusual to see such "babying" or "spoiling" of sons in desi culture. That doesn't mean that this is the reason why your in-laws spoil your husband. It could very well be that he is simply their favorite child. Or perhaps, his parents treat all their children like that.
Look, your in-laws have been raising your husband in this manner for 30 years. They're not going to change. And your husband has behaved in this manner toward them for 30 years. That's not going to change either. It's not like you see his parents all the time, so it's not a constant headache for you.
As far as the issue of him sharing marital problems with his parents is concerned, then talk to him about it. Try a non-defensive tone. Praise him for the relationship he has with his parents. Praise him and parents for their positive qualities.....and then proceed to tell him that you'd appreciate if he did not discuss marital concerns with his parents and explain why it makes you feel uncomfortable without blaming him or sounding defensive. Explain your concerns to him using ISLAMIC REFERENCES such as hadith about marital relationships. Explain that a wife has rights over her husband and that a couple is like a garment for each other. And a** "garment"** provides protection, comfort, and it conceals from shame or exposure. And revealing problems you have with your wife to parents is like like exposing your spouse and it's a uncomfortable situation for the other party. Explain with religious reference and see if that doesn't make a difference.
And while his parents are cooking and bandaging him...........you can take a break ;)
well i have no advice but i can empathise with you.
we are 6 siblings and been bought up 'rough and tough' too, there's absolutely no babying. no hugging, no kissing, no pampering when anyone's ill. a pat on the back is the most anyone gets.
my hubby only has brothers and they are more visibly affectionate with their mum. i don't mind but it does weird me out a little as i'm not used to it.
having said that, we children and our parents are a LOT closer then they are with each other or their parents so all this pda doesn't necessarily mean anything.
Spiral: Maybe his parents are showing affection in front of you only? Some parents may feel that if they "pamper" their kids in front of their spouse - then the spouse will feel that she must equally pamper him too.
Do they "pamper" you when you get sick? Do they hug you as much?
I bet they do not! Cause they probably want a different approach with you. they probably do not want to show that their old kid should pamper you.
sad sad sad but who cares! That's life! At least their parents have that "close" bond to hug and kiss and pamper!
Call up your mum and tell your family to pamper you in front of your hubby.
I think there is nothing wrong with this if he is okay with all this pampering thing,then let him enjoy.Dont worry some ppl are like this and its kind of hard to change habbits when you are 30yrs old.
I guess I shouldn't worry about it too much. I've always felt that a guy is not "man enough" if he does that. But reading this thread, a lot of guys and girls feel that hugging and kissing parents is okay.
And no NJMasti.. his parents do all this with all their kids.. not just my husband. So I don't think his parents are doing it to show me anything.
Yeah its hard to change habits that are so strong. I just don't want my own kids to be like that.. mommy daddy type. My husband is very nice to me.. loves me a lot. Even his parents love me more than anything.
I guess I just have to ignore the hugging kissing part.
OMG its like that with my in laws, we like you had the rough and tough experience, we dont do kissy, touchy but my hubby and his family, its like evertime they wake up, when they go to sleep, when he puts some new clothes on, when we get new furniture, when we get them something, when we go out to dinner, its so frustrating!!!
the worst part is, my hubby expects me to do the same!!! i started off doing it but what doesnt come naturally is not something that i can keep up, so i just whisk past them when saying goodnight, or goodmorning. He says this is a show of appreciation.
and OMG again, he like discusses everything with them as well, whenever anyone of them answers the phone they put it on speakerphone so everyone can hear, i was like i dont do that, and i think they were offended to start with, at the same time frantically txting my sisters and friends not to say anything incriminating cause its all open here
dont start me on the food, thats just another ritual where we kiss and hug and “appreciate” the culinary delights of his mothers cooking
and then when ever we go shopping, we have to parade all our purchases to them WTF!!!
Good job i only get to spend a few months with them each year
