Re: how do you deal with...
Hi Bubli,
My advice is going to be much like everyone else's because it's more practical. Having it out with your MIL will backfire BIG TIME because that can create problems between you and your husband. Some things to reflect over:
1) You don't see this woman very often. She lives far away. Thank God for such a huge blessing.
2) Your MIL doesn't have a life. To be gossiping about a freakin HOODIE? How sad is that? You want to know why she's resorting to such low behavior? It's becasue like many MILS she feels jealous and insecure. She probably thinks that you are stealing her son away from her. Or she probably thinks that her son is not paying as much attention to HER since you came into his life. Will she admit this to you? No! But the root cause of her behavior is her own insecurities.
3) ** Have you ever heard the saying that, **"Anybody who gossips about OTHERS to YOU.....can also gossip about YOU to OTHERS." And I've found this to be TRUE. Be careful around your SIL. If she says negative things to you about your MIL, don't respond by saying negative things about your MIL to her. For all you know...........she could be relaying what you say back to your MIL. Also, who knows if your SIL isn't fabricating things? And.........anything can happen. What if you get into an argument with your SIL in the future sometime.......and she decides to screw you over by telling MIL all the things you've told her. So.........keep your conversations with SIL neutral and trouble-free.
4) ** Getting your husband involved might cause problems because you can't really tell him about the evil his mother is doing without implicating others. And it's the "implicating others" part that is going to create a mess.
**
SUGGESTIONS:
1) ** Continue being a **polite DIL to your monstrous MIL. And continue being a cheerful, happy, wife to your husband. This will PISS OFF your MIL even more. You see, the TRUTH is that your MIL wants to see you MISERABLE. And if you give into her and act miserable..................then you're giving her satisfaction. On the other hand........if you act happy..........it will irritate her soul even more. Think about it...........we don't like seeing the people we hate being happy.
2) Try bonding with her......so she feels more secure about herself. Once she sees that you care about her..........she might mend her ways. Be kind and caring toward her. Spend time wither. When you and hubby go out, invite her to come along sometimes. Perhaps she'll feel more at ease.
3) **IDEA**: I don't know how well this is going to work. But you can think about this and consider the consequences......and try it out if you think it might make a difference without implicating you or others.
Get a book on religion.....maybe one that has hadith in it. Sit on the couch and read the book. Sport a deeply engrossed and interested expression on your face. When your MIL sees you......and if she asks you what you're reading.......tell her you're reading a book on hadith. And then share a couple of small hadith that you've learned from the book.
AND THEN..................share a hadith with your MIL about GOSSIP. Tell her the hadith that gossiping in Islam is equivalent to eating the flesh of your brother/sister. Tell your MIL that when a person backbites about his brother.........as punishment his good deeds are transferred to his brother.........and he ends up getting the bad deeds of the person who is being gossiped about.
While telling this to your MIL.............you need to keep a very natural and believable expression. You should act surprised and scared at the hadith. You should say to your MIL: "Aunti/Ammi, this is pretty scary to know that we can so easily lose our good deeds by saying unpleasant things about others. And the sad thing is that people gossip about the littlest things such as what clothes **a person is wearing or how a person looks. I've heard horrible stories of how friends, classmates, siblings, in-laws can ruin a person's reputation through gossiping. I'm glad that you and I don't have that problem, Ammi. I'm fortunate to have such a ***CARING* mother-in-law. After reading this hadith, we as Muslims should be more careful about hurting others as Allah is watching us." (Plus, if she complains to your husband that you're lecturing her, you can always say that you were just discussing a book on Hadith. So you're covered!**)
************** In Islam, the best way to teach someone a lesson it do it without humiliating the person. If you had an ALL OUT ARGUMENT **with your MIL.............and exposed her to your husband.....she would feel embarrassed and might become too resentful to mend her ways. Plus, your MIL might lie to defend herself and your husband could get upset with you. **BUT if you teach her a lesson using Islamic reference in a natural and INDIRECT way.........without humiliating her............it might make her guilty enough to have an impact. ;)
I hope you feel better and best wishes :)
