MIL talking behind your back to people about you..like the way you dress and lying about you…how do you communciate this to your husband without getting the informant in trouble and making sure your husband doesnt retalite either and then making sure you get your point across to the *****.
and pls do not advice to TALK IT WITH YOUR MIL…it ony happens in movies.
Re: how do you deal with...
Do you live with her??
What kinds of things is she saying about you? Is it bad enough to where you need to take action?
Re: how do you deal with...
Talking to her or complaining to your Hubby about her, I doubt will solve anything. Hubby will just get upset and he can't go to his Mother with your complaint because that will make things far worse.
Don't take tension. Enjoy life and ignore such silly, unimportant things. You stay really patient, don't say anything to your MIL and just be nice with her.
:)
thats the thing!
i dont live with her...have been married for over 4 yrs and since then have been living overseas,and just lived with her on vacation,that too only twice.
she talks about alot but what i found out only just recently is about how i dress...she lies...that i repeat same clothes,like the other day i was online with them for hardly 3 minutes and i guess she must have seen my shoulder only and saw a hoodie that i wore more than once while she was here few mnths back...so she then told my dewrani" she wears that same hoodie,her husband hates it but she still wears it , manti hi nahi".
my dewrani passed i ton to me,and this time, i just want to do something about it.my husband needs to know what his mom talks about behind my back but the probem is , all those who have told me stuff, i cant take their names...
how should i deal with this?i need to set her straight man,am so infuriated.
Talking to her or complaining to your Hubby about her, I doubt will solve anything. Hubby will just get upset and he can't go to his Mother with your complaint because that will make things far worse.
Don't take tension. Enjoy life and ignore such silly, unimportant things. You stay really patient, don't say anything to your MIL and just be nice with her.
:)
easier said than done.people like her always get away with it, but if i were to say do or something like that,i wouldnt be pardoned.
i need to know how do i communicate this stuff to my husband cos he needs to know.
its not fair of her to ***** about me and that too by lying.thats just letting someone ruin your life and god knows what else she has said to people,what if something big comes around and when i tell my husband the list of things she has said, do you think hed believe me then..he will say why didnt i tell him this stuff before.?
Re: how do you deal with...
Having it out with her will just cause more problems between you and her. Be stronger and ignore it.
Stay patient and polite with her, for your Husbands sake. Don't believe everything your Devrani is telling you, because she too is backbiting about her MIL.
Re: how do you deal with...
redvelvet!!where are you...i need your advice!
redvelvet!!where are you...i need your advice!
^ Do you want to hear us tell you to have it out with your MIL? Or to tell you to moan and complain to your Husband about his Mother and force him to confront her? That will just hurt him. How can he choose sides between his Mum and his wife?
How will you feel if someone moans and complains about your Mother to you? Put yourself in your Hubby's place.
Re: how do you deal with...
Hearing one side of the story is always nourishing for the mind. You will get plenty of very useful advice based on your view of the situation. Interesting reading!
I have two advises for you :
Don't trust your SIL words no matter how close you are to her and how much your trust her. I have a very cunning SIL and she does the same , she tries to befriends with me by initiating converstaion against my MIL and then act very childish infront of MIL and very innocently tell things to her with added spices. Don't expect any goodness for yourself from your SIL may be she is lying to you just to make u upset or to cause trouble b/w u and ur husband or b/w u and ur MIL and I think she has been successful till now right ?
Even if your MIL is saying negative things abt u behind ur back always always remeber when you point a finger towards a person rest of fingers are pointing towards you. People are not stupid these days and plus this is what I think when I go thru a situation like yours that Gheebat is forbidden in Islam and this Gheebat who so ever does it will be answerable to ALLAH for disobeying ...........and 2nd people will talk ill just because of anything in your your life / out od jelousy it could be bcuz of your husband , your kids , your looks anything in the world that u cannot even think of . You can never staisfy every person in this world or as a matter of fact every person in your family let them be dissatisfied and be upset you ...why are u upseting yourself ?
So true! 
Hehe! 
Re: how do you deal with…
Ignore… you live overseas, you hardly live with your MIL, then why are you so much bothered? You are just making it an issue and this is not going to give you any good results. but will make probs between u n ur hubby.
let it go…and for SIL, tell her you have News channels at home. There are other very serious problems in world which needs our attention. Once you tell her this, she is never ever going to tell you anything again rather will sit with your MIL and talk against you 
then you will know how sincere she was with you.
Hearing one side of the story is always nourishing for the mind. You will get plenty of very useful advice based on your view of the situation. Interesting reading!
Jaanwar, just a clarification. Are you implying that the source of information received and disseminated by dear MIL might actually be dear hubby?
I have two advises for you :
Don't trust your SIL words no matter how close you are to her and how much your trust her. I have a very cunning SIL and she does the same , she tries to befriends with me by initiating converstaion against my MIL and then act very childish infront of MIL and very innocently tell things to her with added spices. Don't expect any goodness for yourself from your SIL may be she is lying to you just to make u upset or to cause trouble b/w u and ur husband or b/w u and ur MIL and I think she has been successful till now right ?
Even if your MIL is saying negative things abt u behind ur back always always remeber when you point a finger towards a person rest of fingers are pointing towards you. People are not stupid these days and plus this is what I think when I go thru a situation like yours that Gheebat is forbidden in Islam and this Gheebat who so ever does it will be answerable to ALLAH for disobeying ...........and 2nd people will talk ill just because of anything in your your life / out od jelousy it could be bcuz of your husband , your kids , your looks anything in the world that u cannot even think of . You can never staisfy every person in this world or as a matter of fact every person in your family let them be dissatisfied and be upset you ...why are u upseting yourself ?
yes you are very right....you know what, whatever bull**** she has said about me and is continuing to do so about me, she is doing it not only with my SILs but with extended family too,like charatcer attacks implied in a way that she doesnt use 'the words'but gets her point thru witout being the baddy.
and what mu SIL told me ,this and many other stuff, i have heard from other sources too.i just wish iknew what her problem is cos she acts all cool on my face.
i wonder to myself,there must be something very good about me that people must have acknowledged and i guess thats what she doesnt lie so is throwing sticks and stones to try and hurt my reputation no?
she talks about alot but what i found out only just recently is about how i dress...she lies...that i repeat same clothes,like the other day i was online with them for hardly 3 minutes and i guess she must have seen my shoulder only and saw a hoodie that i wore more than once while she was here few mnths back...so she then told my dewrani" she wears that same hoodie,her husband hates it but she still wears it , manti hi nahi".
All this anger over your MIL commenting on your wearing a hoodie more than once - oye ve! Hun, don't dwell on the small stuff - it'll drive you crazy and is just a waste of energy. Unless your MIL is lying about something important, i.e. about something you said or did that impacts your relationship with your husband or the family, and reflects poorly on your character or habits - let it go. To complain to your husband about something like this makes you seem petty and as if you're being overly sensitive and critical of his mum. It's a no win situation.
Re: how do you deal with...
Count your blessings you don't live with them. Just let em go and cool it down. Let it roll off you. I know it's easier said than done.
I see bigger issues than MIL commenting--ie. the devrani. Anyone who tells u "oh this person said this about you" clearly are out to hurt you and have ulterior motives/agendas.
Even if what the devrani says is true, so what?
Wrong post sorry
I fell for this from my devrani several years back. Your devrani is not your friend. If she was she wouldn't feel the need to pass on information that you cannot verify or do anything to counteract. If your devrani is anything like either of mine, then she is more concerned with solidifying her own positions in the family, often at your expense. Many Pakistani girls don't have enough to keep them occupied, hence the obsession with gossip. She lives with (or near) them, so she is the "good" bahu, while you are far away, perhaps you "stole" their son, or "keep" him from them, so you are bad, particularly if your husband is the oldest.
As for your MIL's tongue - MIL venom comes in two forms the useless "she wore the same shirt yesterday" and the really destructive "she doesn't allow my son to call every weekend". If it is just useless gossip, ignore it, because taking your MIL on about something so trivial will only backfire. If it is serious, and you feel that you have to talk to your husband, then take the "Ammi told such and such something that I really confused me. She said that I don't allow you to call her on the weekends. I was really shocked that she would say such a thing - do you know why?" Now the onus is on him to either find out or drop the matter.
Re: how do you deal with...
do we hav same mils ? lol
ok i'll tell u wat.even if u tell ur hubby he's not gonna do anything.
if u talk to mil she won't change but make a fuss out of it.
my hubby once said to me"hum unki zuban tu roke nahi saktay but u act so nicely infront of all relatives that ppl don't care about the negative comments"
so i'll tell u same.impress everbody so much that they care less wat mil says.instead when they'll say to mil"aray kahan itni tu achchi hai"she'll be defeated.
live as u live n act as u want.
u stay calm sari bak bak aik point pe aa ker bai-jaan ho jati hai.
Re: how do you deal with...
[aag lagaay-ing] IF you do tattle, give the D's name. She obviously doesnt care about your feelings, so you should play dirty.. [/aag lagaay-ing]