How do you deal with this then?*kanjoosi*

[mistral]

Re: How do you deal with this then?kanjoosi

@el_topo

It had to happen some time. You have steadfastly contributed reasonable,well considered,informative, and supportive posts. It’s not natural! Now go slap someone upside the head with a wet fish or something.

Do people actually do that in real life? 'Cause that would be awesome. I thought it was reserved solely for monty python sketches.

@nadz123

its not that, i do have money in my account,hs never asked me where i spend it, and hes surprised i still have alot of it in there, i dont spend it much because intially it was his money, hes the one who put 3000 pounds in there, he doesnt ask where i spend it, not much, he will ask if he sees yet another eyeliner or somthin he thinks i have a lot of anyay…otherwise hes ok, so if i did spend it on my fmaily he wouldnt even know or ask..but i dnt want to spend without telling him. maybe i need to learn to not tell him then.

we dont go DAYS without speaking, its normally hours, oor max a day, but i feel like it doesnt resolve anything for me. i still feel hollow. he thinks eveythin ok. how can i explain feelings to him without crying/making it sound like im complaining…

My mistake. In your initial posts, you said you don’t speak to each other for a while and then things are back to normal in a day or two so I assumed that’s how long you go without talking to each other. But even if it’s a few hours…it’s still not good because you’re not actually resolving anything. You’re simply moving on without discussing the issue. Not healthy.

How do you explain without it seeming like you’re crying/complaining? DON’T cry, first of all. Not always easy to achieve…some of us are emotional beings and with pregnancy hormones wreaking havoc, it can be even worse. But find a way to do it…pray 2 rakat nafil, drink some ice cold water, take a long walk to release that stress…find a method that works for you and then use it!

And then learn to pick your battles. You can’t force him to buy stuff for your family…buy it yourself AND be generous with his family as you would like him to be generous with yours. And then hope that with time and by watching your good example, he too will make some positive changes. As for the calling his family thing…stay out of it. He’s allowed to talk to them as much as he wants. Just as YOU should talk to your family as much as you want. Are you worried that he doesn’t spend as much time with your family? Then take the high road again by making it a point to give his parents a call every once in a while.

It might take a while, but you should see changes if you lead by example rather than constant discussions/arguments. Your husband obviously isn’t immune as he felt some embarrassment when your brother treated everybody to dinner. I suppose McDonald’s ice cream isn’t the most extravagant gesture, but it’s a start.