Re: How do you deal with a guy who puts his ego/pride first?
^He's 23 now. She just told me that they are not on better terms than yesterday because they have been emailing and hopefully will be talking soon sometime next week. Will keep you guys posted but I have told her to MAKE SURE she gets her say in this and lets him know that avoiding a talk that could potentially make everything right is not how you handle a mature/sensible relationship.
[QUOTE] Meanwhile, while fighting I happened to stumble upon some inappropriate comments he left under a 2 youtube videos. Once confronted, he was SO embarrassed and humiliated he said he was beyond sorry and could never face me again. One of the 2 comments was "I would do her so bad" and **about 3 years ago, when we had been together. =/** After hearing his explanation (he didn't even remember doing it but said it was probably when we fought over dumb things. I believe he was just trolling b/c the girl in the video was ..not his type to say the least and **because he was 18 and being stupid**
[/QUOTE]
Anyway, that's why I thought he was 21 (18+3).
But once a drama queen always a drama queen. And she is an enabler and should stop.
Re: How do you deal with a guy who puts his ego/pride first?
So she digs up. Stuff from 3 yrs ago and calls it off. She does not know exactly what drive her to dig up dirt on him. And then turns around to blame him for overreacting. She seems to have an over- enthusiastic ally in you - thus making situation unhealthier.
Re: How do you deal with a guy who puts his ego/pride first?
The guy is a drama queen, and the girl is a little too attached.
She should ask him to meet face to face. If he keeps refusing, then either he's not interested or he's too immature, both of which mean that she should move on.
As a guy, I get that having one of those heart to heart talks, which women adore, is a pain, but if you actually care about her, you do it, especially if you're contemplating breaking up.
Re: How do you deal with a guy who puts his ego/pride first?
have been dating for several years, two months of constant fighting and all of your communication is only done through email?? that sounds so odd to me and not at all like a couple who should be getting married... your going to have a lot more to fight about when reality sets in, rather than over a trivial youtube comment that he probablly made out of immaturity?...
Re: How do you deal with a guy who puts his ego/pride first?
So she digs up. Stuff from 3 yrs ago and calls it off. She does not know exactly what drive her to dig up dirt on him. And then turns around to blame him for overreacting. She seems to have an over-** enthusiastic ally in you** - thus making situation unhealthier.
LOL! I promise you I am not being enthusiastic and adding fuel to the fire. Trust me, I am not one to easily suggest ending a relationship or something similar which would somehow make it worse. BUT the lewd comments are not that easy to look past. She should have not snooped and she was asking for trouble when she did that. I HAVE TOLD HER THAT! She says she would have typically never looked had it not been for the fact that they were fighting. To clear it up: they were fighting over other things where she was mildly at fault but he used that as leverage to end the relationship. She was begging and was miserable and apologizing and then something made her want to search him up and then those comments popped up. And THEN that is when she decided she couldn't trust him and decided to end it. Of course it's easier said than done because after his explanation (he made it clear he wasn't trying to fix anything because he was too ashamed after admitting he had written those comments 3 years ago and couldn't face her after this admission) she then decided what he did was forgivable. Especially when he had to confess to his mom and that's why they are now trying to resolve their problems.
I'm sure I may have gotten some info a bit off but I will edit if I was incorrect. Anyways, the update is that he still is too ashamed to talk to her and is avoiding it still and she's having anxiety and is severely depressed over it.
Re: How do you deal with a guy who puts his ego/pride first?
Asking on behalf of a member. I was PMd to ask this in private but here is the message from her in the quote. If she feels comfortable, she can answer questions in the thread or make a new account. Here is her concern with her boyfriend of a few years (they're practically engaged):
What do you think? Personally, I think she's in a relationship with a self-absorbed narcissist and this relationship is toxic but she says the good times outweigh the bad and he is her soulmate (something I can relate with) so I hesitate before saying to move on.
From what I've read, I don't see him as being narcissitic or self-absorbed. What I find more plausible is that he might be looking for a reason to end it. Of course, without knowing him and going by a second or third hand account, I couldn't give a reliable opinion.
Re: How do you deal with a guy who puts his ego/pride first?
LOL! I promise you I am not being enthusiastic and adding fuel to the fire. Trust me, I am not one to easily suggest ending a relationship or something similar which would somehow make it worse. BUT the lewd comments are not that easy to look past. She should have not snooped and she was asking for trouble when she did that. I HAVE TOLD HER THAT! She says she would have typically never looked had it not been for the fact that they were fighting. To clear it up: they were fighting over other things where she was mildly at fault but** he used that as leverage to end the relationship. She was begging and was miserable and apologizin*g and then something made her want to search him up and then those comments popped up. And THEN that is when **she decided she couldn't trust him and decided to end it.* Of course it's easier said than done because after his explanation (he made it clear he wasn't trying to fix anything because** he was too ashamed after admitting he had written those comments 3 years ago and couldn't face her after this admission**) she then decided what he did was forgivable. Especially when he had to confess to his mom and that's why they are now trying to resolve their problems.
I'm sure I may have gotten some info a bit off but I will edit if I was incorrect. Anyways, the update is that he still is too ashamed to talk to her and is avoiding it still and she's having anxiety and is severely depressed over it.
Re-read the bolded part and you will see why the guy is acting the way he is. He wants out. He always wanted out since the start of the fight but your friend begged him to not break up with her. Then she gave him another excuse to break it off - youtube comments. Now he says he is too ashamed but really this is just another reason - remember he wanted out even before your friend found out about the youtube comment. I'm really sorry if my response is harsh.
Re: How do you deal with a guy who puts his ego/pride first?
^That's actually very good insight because she told me that they talked yesterday and he asked her "why are you still pushing for this when you can sense my disinterest in the relationship?" and she told him that if he was so disinterested then he wouldn't have told his entire family about her. Turns out, he was really pissed off about something and was being snappy. Long story short: he came to his senses and told her how he really felt and that he realized he was being the most unreasonable person ever by doing this to her while she was willing to do whatever it took to make things work. He then said he felt bad for himself for not taking up what anyone would kill for: eternal love (his words, lol).
So he contacted her and they are in a better place. He's still ashamed about what happened w/ the youtube comments but she assures him that she isn't hung up on them and he shouldn't either. He says he is beyond humiliated and embarrassed about what happened and that he needs his time to feel normal but the two are finally on the same page.
Re: How do you deal with a guy who puts his ego/pride first?
They were in a hurry to think about a long-term relationship at an age when one shouldn't be serious about these things.Hence such arguments.The guy maybe needed space now...he realized that too late perhaps.
Let Go and move on,if the guy is really interested in her..he'll come back on his own.It's up to her later if she accepts him back then or not,if he comes back to her that is..showing he is serious about spending the rest of his life with her.May be that would make her think more clearly about what she really wants.
I say...Enjoy your single-hood for the mean time...:)