Re: How do you deal with a guy who puts his ego/pride first?
Wow. Drama queens much? And that includes you too M :p
lol! What did I do?! I think it's because we (the user) have been talking about our problems frequently and Skype/talk often.
The guy in OP's quote is not going to keep this relationship. He is not interested, additionally he might also found another girl. This anonymous guppan should move on. Reason, because guy is stressing on his own mistake.
That is actually what she thought as well but then his mom and family know so that's what makes her feel like they are serious. She def. does not think he is interested in anyone else or would do something like that. BASICALLY, the problem is the disconnect which lasted for 2 months. But why do you think that based on the fact that he is stressing on his own mistakes?
Re: How do you deal with a guy who puts his ego/pride first?
how has she confirmed that his mom and family know? have they been in touch with her?
perhaps he has simply led her along saying that the family knows.....
too young to be committed like this.
btw....is she in school? finished?
what did she study?
what about him?
Re: How do you deal with a guy who puts his ego/pride first?
^She talks to his mom once in a while and has emailed back and forth with his cousins. His entire family knows about her etc. Also, they've been together for 4-5 years now so he def. wasn't leading her on, IMO. Both are still studying and a lot of the issues were because he was stressed w/ assignment-related stress.
Re: How do you deal with a guy who puts his ego/pride first?
Let’s be totally honest here with each other. You don’t “stumble” on comments left on YouTube 3 YEARS ago! 3 days ago…3 weeks ago…I can see that. But 3 YEARS?! Ummm…no. The only way to “stumble” upon comments left 3 YEARS ago is to actively look for them. So obviously something made the girl go and search for his activities. So that tells me that there is much more to this story then what we’ve been told so far.
“He also had never ever made any vulgar comments, not even to call another actress hot or attractive” ; “I believe he was just trolling b/c the girl in the video was ..not his type to say the least”.
LOL…very cute and naive statements. Firstly, just because the girl never heard him make “vulgar” comments…that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t make them when she’s not there. He clearly is more than capable of it since he left the comment on that video. She’s not attached to him 24/7 is she? So she really doesn’t know what exact comments he makes about other girls when she’s not there. As for the girl not being his “type”…again…assumption. If it makes her feel better to believe it then go ahead. But the fact is that she has no way of knowing what was going through his brain when he left that comment or what he truly feels when he looks at other girls like the one in the video.
“We still haven’t talked voice-to-voice in these 2 months and have been relying on email and texts for the most part. He is the type to avoid talking because like a typical guy he hates confrontation.”
Here is the real problem. Not being able to talk to each other for 2 MONTHS?! So what do they plan on doing AFTER marriage when they’re sharing a house and even a bedroom each night? Does she plan on texting him from her side of the bed?! And no, it’s not “typical” for a guy to avoid talking to a girl for 2 MONTHS b/c of arguments…especially a girl he claims he’s in love with. A mature guy would WANT to talk and solve the problems. If this girl has any clue about how hard marriage is and how many other issues come up in a marriage that requires BOTH people to have an open discussion, she would realize that marriage with a guy like this would be a nightmare.
So she confronts him over comments he left on a video 3 YEARS ago…he felt ashamed and ran to his mother?! Again, so after marriage…everytime something happens…instead of doing his best to solve the issue with the girl…he’s going to get his mother involved with everything?! I can totally understand getting parents involved with SERIOUS issues that the couple have not been able to solve despite trying everything. But getting mommy involved over a argument about YouTube comments?!
The main thing that should worry her is his inability to solve problems like a mature adult. Not having a conversation with her for 2 months is absolutely ridiculous!
At 23, the guy clearly has a lot of growing up to do. I think the girl should NOT marry him right now. Heck they should not even be engaged. I think the girl needs to wait much longer (at least 1 more year) and see if the guy’s maturity level/communication skills improve. She needs to see if he’s able to handle conflict in a mature way. If he’s willing to put the effort necessary to work on those things…and over time…if he proves to herself that he has changed in that sense…only then should they move forward with the engagement/nikah.
Re: How do you deal with a guy who puts his ego/pride first?
if they have been together for 4 years then not talking "voice-to-voice" for two months over something as trivial as this is proof positive that they really have learned nothing about a mature and committed relationship
Re: How do you deal with a guy who puts his ego/pride first?
lol! What did I do?! I think it's because we (the user) have been talking about our problems frequently and Skype/talk often.
That is actually what she thought as well but then his mom and family know so that's what makes her feel like they are serious. She def. does not think he is interested in anyone else or would do something like that. BASICALLY, the problem is the disconnect which lasted for 2 months. But why do you think that based on the fact that he is stressing on his own mistakes?
How do you deal with a guy who puts his ego/pride first?
What if he was looking to leave and he suddenly found an excuse and broke up by blaming himself. The girl insisted they get back, he relented cause he cares but his hearts really not in it?
Re: How do you deal with a guy who puts his ego/pride first?
I was waiting for your take on this!
The reason she went and looked for something was because they were at the lowest of lows at that point and she still doesn’t know why she did it because one thing is for certain, he def. did not do anything else to make her not trust him. As for the girl not being his type, it was because the video was some grainy video some school girls put up of them just talking. The video was not vulgar or sexual in nature and the other comments (the ones which weren’t bad) were all of trolling under videos. That’s how she knew he was trolling.
As far as not talking for 2 months, that is the main issue she has. She cries and is distraught over this yet he says that he cannot talk because he prefers to chat or email it out. Some people are weird and prefer avoiding the person and he is one. She is the polar opposite and needs to talk it out but he can’t give that to her which adds to her stress even more.
The reason he got the Mother involved was only to tell her things between the two were called off (she was the one who called things off after seeing those comments). He THEN proceeded to tell her why and said only he was to blame and had to admit to his mom what he did and why she had broken up with him. His mom cried and was devastated that the two wouldn’t work out and didn’t talk to him. She was disappointed in him beyond words and didn’t forgive him until recently when the two started talking again (via email) in attempt to fix their issues.
At this point they’re going back and forth via email and keeping it at that but she’s looking for the right time to tell him that communication like this will make them end in divorce and that avoiding talking is NOT how you stay in a relationship.
Re: How do you deal with a guy who puts his ego/pride first?
What if he was looking to leave and he suddenly found an excuse and broke up by blaming himself. The girl insisted they get back, he relented cause he cares but his hearts really not in it?
This is what I was thinking. Certain words he has said in anger like "We wont work. You're better off with someone else and that is not me" and prior to him being confronted with the comment thing he had been really angry at something she did* and she believes it was out of anger he had said that because never in their 4-5 year relationship has he ever said words like that. What she also says is because he didn't tell him mom about them calling off the relationship until when a REAL issue struck confirms he was just talking in anger. And yes, he has a habit of doing that.
*she had foolishly involved one of his friends in their situation to ask what was really going on in his end. She got carried away and his friend told him and the guy thought she had insulted and backstabbed him in front of his friend and that is when things got REALLY bad. This was around the 2 month mark so that is when things got really bad and came to this. Sigh. Just thinking about her situation gives me anxiety.
Re: How do you deal with a guy who puts his ego/pride first?
As far as not talking for 2 months, that is the main issue she has. She cries and is distraught over this yet he says that he cannot talk because he prefers to chat or email it out. Some people are weird and prefer avoiding the person and he is one.
At this point they're going back and forth via email and keeping it at that but she's looking for the right time to tell him that communication like this will make them end in divorce and that avoiding talking is NOT how you stay in a relationship.
Well, they won't end up in a divorce if they don't get married in the 1st place.
Chatting/e-mailing only and refusing to TALK to your GF is childish. That type of behavior is fine when it's coming from a 15 year old BOY. A grown man who is ready to be a husband and father should know better.
I call it immaturity. You and the girl can refer to it as being "weird". That particular term isn't important. What matters is that the guy has clearly shown her who he is as a person and how he handles conflicts. If the girl chooses to get married to this guy BEFORE he spends a significant time proving that he has changed....then down the road she should not blame anyone else (including HIM) for what she gets stuck with. If she is unhappy with his current behavior, then try to get him to change BEFORE the nikah papers are signed. B/C once that's done....she's stuck with all the drama he will create. If she thinks she's miserable now.....she's in for a real ride actually living with a drama queen like him.
Re: How do you deal with a guy who puts his ego/pride first?
^That’s exactly what I told her. That things WILL get a lot worse if some serious conflict-resolving isn’t done before they get engaged and married. She blames the whole thing on a disconnect and says that once they talk they have never ever fought so she knows they can handle conflict. It’s very easy to get carried away with assumptions/doubts/misunderstandings when your only source of communication is chat/text/email. And whenever they talk on a regular basis they never seem to fight and she cant recall one fight they’ve had which started while talking…ALWAYS on text/email is when it really starts. It’s pretty annoying that he wouldn’t talk all this time and now he is gonna take his sweet time talking because he still has to “get over what happened before he can face her”.
Re: How do you deal with a guy who puts his ego/pride first?
^He's 23 now. She just told me that they are not on better terms than yesterday because they have been emailing and hopefully will be talking soon sometime next week. Will keep you guys posted but I have told her to MAKE SURE she gets her say in this and lets him know that avoiding a talk that could potentially make everything right is not how you handle a mature/sensible relationship.
Again, so after marriage…everytime something happens…instead of doing his best to solve the issue with the girl…he’s going to get his mother involved with everything?! I can totally understand getting parents involved with SERIOUS issues that the couple have not been able to solve despite trying everything. But getting mommy involved over a argument about YouTube comments?!
Another Nadz in the making.