How do you cope ?

Lifestyle Relationships
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How do you guys cope with life’s occasional nasty little surprizes ?

I am at a dead end right now. Over the past couple of weeks, kids had to miss school quite often, as I am at work and wife is not in a condition to drop them at school. She is in her late pregnancy and due to some complications doctors have advised her not to walk too much. My kids are 10 and 8, the school is situated at about a 10 minute walk from home, and there is a busy road that has to be crossed. We are not comfortable with them walking to school alone.

The school has denied giving us the bus facility because of some stupid rule.

Apart from that, on 3 or 4 occasions I have had to rush the wife to the hospital in the middle of the night, imagine dragging 2 kids out of their warm beds at 1:00 AM in the night and stuffing them in the car to go to the hospital with us, for no fault of their own, just because they cant be left alone at home. And there they had to sit with us all night, waiting and waiting and waiting, sheer torture for them.

I was wondering, I can’t be the only one who is going through this, there must be other folks who are / have been through such times.

How did you work your way around it.
Please bear in mind that I have recently moved, and in this new place I dont know anybody, no family or friends that I can ask for help.

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Re: How do you cope ?

awww. thats a really tough situation. The school should be able to help - give a call to the principal of the school and explain the situation. They should be able to put you in touch with a parent or parents who would be able to take your kids to school. And give phone numbers of classmates. This could help your kids make new friends too. And hopefully, you'd meet some nice parents of your kids classmates who might be able to help out with babysitting if you need to race out with your wife again. Speaking to the principal may help in other ways too. Like they may have after-school programs that your kids could join - like in our school, they take kids of working parents to a central place with all kinds of activitity tables based on age, its like a huge babysitting service for kids whose parents work late.

I dont know if this could be a possibility for you but there are nanny angencies who could provide you with a short-term live in nanny. It could be a big blessing for you to have this until the baby comes. Or maybe a midwife? A midwife does all kinds of things for expecting and new moms, including errands. And a midwife just might be covered at least in part by your health insurance.

I wish you the best, you certainly have your hands full.

I just had another thought. .. if you google the name of your new town, you should find a town website. See if they have something like "newcomers club" or parent network. These groups are usually very caring and helpful.

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► Eshal Raza ◄
► Eshal Raza ◄
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Re: How do you cope ?

Can't you bring your mother or mother in law over for sometime or some other female member of your family who can be of some help. And if the school is 10 min walk they can drop or pick kids as well.

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Wah wah...main bhi yehi idea bolne wali thi.:)

Aur kuch nahi ho sakta....
Waise where do you live?

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already thinking on those lines
my mom will be here - but that might take a couple of weeks

mama - I been through all that, NO BUS - unless we move to the OTHER side of the road where we live, that where the BOUNDRY LINE starts for allowing the bus service - currently we dont qualify because we live too NEAR to the school. Take it or leave it.

Well - the next 2 / 3 months are going to be real tough

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Where is mama?
i tell you, aunty aaye gi , this problem will be solved but what about the other PROBLEMS.

U getting me?

Saas bahu ki larai....to?

Waise how many kids do you have?:)

I Love
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Re: How do you cope ?

james bhaand bhai,
if i may, you are the reason why your family is full of life, mashallah.
the cope part is, from what i see around and have read in my life development books, that it is alright if strong parents, are at times a bit concerned about being the best and gettting every thing done.
as a head of the house hold, you are great. and look at what you have... bhabi, and two kids and one on the way, inshallah, you are working, you have a home and you are a nice person.
so, damn, its alright to be reflecting on coping :>

i agree, that kids that age must not cross roads, alone.
please always be with them or drop them at the school.
you make do. you do all you can to keep the family safe and your self happy in the thought that as a family man, you bravely are doing this, out of love for them, of course.
now, as for a new place. i am sure you have a ph and you are able to call on trusted friends. do some gardening now that spring will come, inshallah.
read a couple of books on parenting (i can tell you some titles: if you have a daughter you should read this one: Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meger, M.D.).
you are not alone in this. but what you are doing and doing it right, creatively, can prove to be help for the next generation of parents and family women and family men. :>
so, take a deep breath, please drink a fresh and strong cup of tea. thank Allah swt for what you have, which is priceless, mashallah.
and get to work, buddy! :>
best,
Dushwari behan

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wow, im impressed.
Waise itna mat soocha karo...chill ki pill lo yaara

Are you married ....??

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was refering to mamaof3
thanks dushi :)

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hey here i is...in new york, about 30 min north of NYC.

Why are you asking? They dont have the types of services where you live? Its worth looking into, to see what there might be and most school principals are very kind and supportive....sorry if that isnt the case in your town :(

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That sounds like a really tough situation. :(

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does it matter for the thread, sameeji?
thanks for your hosla efzaee.
chill kee pill on rocks lee huvee heye.

worry not!

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JB bhai i dunno if its appropriate or not but i will say it either way, Y don u guys call one of u guys parents, bachon aur ghar key upar buzurgon ka saaya bhi rahega, aur itnee tention bhi nahi hogee, and on top of that woh log CANADA bhi ghoom leingey :k: but thats just me.

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Re: How do you cope ?

I feel for you mate.

Though i have been blessed that despite living abroad most of my family is with us. My Mom&Dad, her Mom&Dad, her sisters all live in the same city. So whenever such time comes someone is available to help.

I have always wondered how other people manage who are alone in another country.

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Re: How do you cope ?

Have you talked to your kids bout it? Have you explained to them the situation you are in and why things are tuff at the moment??

Kids are very understanding and very cooperative if situations are explained to them. They get confused and scared of non standard things.

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Re: How do you cope ?

JB so i read that your mom is coming to town in a few weeks...that's great! nothing better then a grandmother to watch over the kids when the parents can't. In the meantime.... perhaps you can ask a trusted friend or relative to drop them off and/or pick them up. Some parents arrange carpools at the school so you might want to talk to the parents (or school faculty members) at your child's school maybe they can help you.

The situation you are in right now is only temporary inshAllah. So dont be afraid to ask for help.

oh and one more thing I wanted to add........in the future it's best for you to start networking (if you havent already and if you dont have any relatives nearby) with other parents because you never know when you may really need them to help you out. Get to know other parents and watch their kids from time to time and they can do the same for you. I know that for some parents the thought of leaving your children with someone else is scary but for your own sanity it must be done....especially if you dont have any family around.

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I agree with Angel Eyes, see if one of your trusted neighbours/friends can help you out with driving the children to school. Insha Allah these two weeks will be over soon.

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Re: How do you cope ?

This is a tough situation JB but as AE said if you have any good neighbours that can pick or drop your children would be a good idea.Or in ZAfeerah's school they have a option that you can drop your children early in the morning for breakfast and they remain their for 30 or 45 minutes. And school offer after school programs till 5 pm in the meantime you can reach and pick your children.And in emergencies like your wife is having right now the best option is you can always talk to your children they are understanding and you know that children are very sensitive.So they might be thinking that their mom is in pain so they will not complain about it or if you have any closer friends where you can drop them.And one more thing find some babysitter in your area and tell her whenever we are going outside just come to our house and babysit our children for night they will charge 10$ an hour for that but they will do it for money.
P.S. Find about baby sitting options also usually some students or baby sitter mom charge between 8 to 10 $ an hour and they will pick your children from school and you can pick them later when you will be back from office.Since in North AMerica both parents work so there are lot of options after school programs,community programs,baby sitting it should not be a problem.When Zafeerah was in Kg I was not able to drop her I talked to a mom and she charged 6$ in the mornings and my husband used to drop her at 7 am in the morning at her house. Our nearest park community offer free 2 hour after school program because we are residents. So just go online or talk to some parents in the school INSHALLAH you will find lot of options, it should not be a problem in North America.

!!!now open: PaaN WaaN ki DukaaN... (a.k.a. PWD)
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^ that was really good practical info UZ
I will check what options are available in my area

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and really how does that answer any of his questions?
if he reads srong fathers string daughters, he will not have to drag his kid to the hospital with him?
and drinking a strong cup of tea and breathing will cease the need for his kids to cross the road?