How do you choose between 2 families/rishtas.

Lifestyle Relationships
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Assalam o Alikum to All!
Scenario ; If everything is done by families and now a boy has 2 girls families who are both equally respectable and good etc etc , then how do you choose whom to ask for.
Yes both have some negative points but they equal out…For example if one girl has a mother who is better(much more refined) than the others than the others father seems much more cultured than the first so everything evens out.

Now what do you decide on?

@ all ladies : No disrespect is meant by this post and it is a very serious issue for me and my family and I would appreciate your insight.
@ all who reply : Thankyou in advance.

p.s the boy has not previously known to or talked to either girl…Just seen them…That is how its done here.

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Re: How do you choose between 2 families/rishtas.

^ talk to both and see who u get along with.

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Re: How do you choose between 2 families/rishtas.

you cant marry anyone without talking to them first. So talk to them both see if you click with either of them.

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Re: How do you choose between 2 families/rishtas.

I'm sorry rabia 3983.... That is not an option....It has to be decided on what we already know .
Talking with the girls is not an option at all.(families will not allow,specially girls in both cases.

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Re: How do you choose between 2 families/rishtas.

@alvena....It still happens the old way here so no I wont be allowed to talk.
I know its difficult to understand but that is how it is.

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Re: How do you choose between 2 families/rishtas.

eenie meenie miney mo

Timepass - November 2013
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Re: How do you choose between 2 families/rishtas.

See....this is the type of stuff we are complaining about in the WHY o WHY thread. Unreasonable rules like this, that ruin lives.

Please for the sake of Allah, talk to these girls so you make the RIGHT choice for you and them. If neither girl's family is letting this happen, then LOOK FOR A 3erd, 4th, 5th, 6th GIRL who will BE ALLOWED to talk to you!!

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Re: How do you choose between 2 families/rishtas.

hmm..how about doing istikhara?

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Re: How do you choose between 2 families/rishtas.

it is the ISLAMIC RIGHT of both the guy and girl to talk before marriage yes in a very halal way, but its still is your and her right.

grrrrrrrrrrr

If you cant tlk and they are both equal family wise etc...go for the more relgious one, if they seem equally religious go for the prettier one?

Or maybe look at the mother/sister

where do u live man?

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Re: How do you choose between 2 families/rishtas.

I live in Pakistan and though a lot goes on around me but yes it still happens this way here.
I have seen both girls and they have seen me....and that is what Islam says....as for the talking part.
What do you learn by talking to a girl for a while..or to a boy if you are a girl?...Not much but then again it is not an option.
I've seen so many people and girls ...please do not drag me further....These two are alright but how do you decide?
Both of them are religious...like say their prayers etc.....I have seen many who say prayers but have no fear of Allah in thier heart...so now I pray for that.
I also pray that Allah does what he thinks is best.
Istikhara: I'd be grateful if someone would suggest the proper way.
All the above are answers to things people have asked or commented on.
My belief........Only Allah knows what is ahead and not much point in talking to the girl etc....let me make it clear that that is also what the girls themselves have conveyed to their parents so no one is forcing them not to talk.
BUT then one has to decide between the two.

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Re: How do you choose between 2 families/rishtas.

@alvena.....Both are pretty but one is no doubt prettier.....The one who is just pretty has the advantage of a a bit of height over the prettier one.

@ all ladies.....I comment with the utmost respect to women and have sisters of my own so do not take any offence.

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Re: How do you choose between 2 families/rishtas.

If you cant talk to them, what difference does it make? Do some akkar-bakkar and call it a day!

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Re: How do you choose between 2 families/rishtas.

@ PSquared.........Jest if you see fit but I'm asking because its important...The original question was how do you decide...Even if your parents have to decide and they are asking you to help.
Madam I expect more than Akkar bakkar from a Mod.....I was sorry to see you say that.

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Re: How do you choose between 2 families/rishtas.

^ sorry if im being rude...but you have to help your parents decide who you will marry, shouldnt it be your parents helping you decide.

I dont think anyone is used to your situation!

And what can anyone say really if there is nothing to go on but looks.

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Okay, fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. Im sorry for being so cynical.

Listen, I expect people to be more thorough about the partners they are going to end up with. If you are really confused about something SO serious, then do Istikharah or make an effort to talk/email/message/phone the girls to get to know them better.

You HAVE to be more proactive about getting to know people in this day and age. If all you have to go on are resumes and biodatas...then its a risk either way...pick one and call it a day.

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Re: How do you choose between 2 families/rishtas.

@ alvena No you certainly are not being rude......I'm sorry if I was not able to explain correctly.......I left the decision of my marriage to my parents of my own free will...thats all....Now they are in a fix too so they are asking me to help them decide.
We have the familes to go by.

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Re: How do you choose between 2 families/rishtas.

Go by the one you are more attracted to...

But seriously dont want to know what her lieks dislikes are? what she wnts from life? what he ambitions are? her voice.......

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Re: How do you choose between 2 families/rishtas.

well if you have given up the right to choose.....then you shouldnt care what the girls look..think..talk like
Allah knows best AFTER you have decided for yourself. This is not a double blind study experiment..its your life..and it involves the life of another human being! so please take responsibility properly..decisions of such importance require a proper approach that involve talking to the girl.. No matter what religion your are referring to.

Sharam Te Naai Aandi Kanjoosa... :D
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Re: How do you choose between 2 families/rishtas.

@PSquared....Apology accepted and believe me I understand where you are coming from but even in this day and age marriages like this do happen and they happen with the will of both sets of parents and girl and boy....Your location reads Chicago so I'm just guessing you were brought up there .....no offence even here most of the marriages are happening with the girl and boy meeting but somehow in our family we still stick to marriage between Khandaans even if I might just be the last generation doing this but I'm proud of it as long as the girl also wants to do the same.....i would have met them had they wanted to ....plz I'm no illeterate maulvi :-).

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Re: How do you choose between 2 families/rishtas.

@Chanda_kh :-)I'm not a fundoo.... I've left it to my parents but they do ask me every step of the way....and yes I've left it to Allah but my parents and I have come this far after inquirinq and asking and going through all procedures.
What do I do if the girl says she has left it to her parents....yes they have seen me talk etc etc with others infront of them.
I'll answer your questions but I'm only asking for help because I'm stumped.