How do other relationships between family members that develop because of a marriage break off after a divorce?
For example, think of all the people you know through your brother’s, aunt’s, uncle’s, or cousin’s spouse. You may run into their uncle at the grocery store, or their brother at the mosque, or even share a college class with their 2nd cousin. Your tie to them is your relative’s marriage to their relative. It’s like knowing a friend through a friend who acts as the connector between you two.
Do such relationships just fade away after a divorce, such as people quit saying salam to each other, or start avoiding each other?
Re: How do other relations break off after a divorce?
in old days, a lot of marriages did NOT end in divorces just because of THIS consideration. they cared for extended family and they weighed this against the divorce that wud cause such tremors in the entire clan.
Re: How do other relations break off after a divorce?
Personally I would not associate with them. I would not be rude, say hello if I ran into them, but I would never ever associate with them socially again. From what I have seen in Pakistan, if there is a divorce it is good bye to all ties.
Re: How do other relations break off after a divorce?
Talking from experience, it is very hard with relationships even if your spouse was your own uncle's offspring. Their is a bitter feeling between both parties after a divorce. It is inevitable after all a divorce is not a small thing and should not be thought of as a small thing. They might carry this grudge that why did the divorce happen and then relationship ties can go weak and sour.
Re: How do other relations break off after a divorce?
It becomes even harder if the marriages have taken place between families and extended family. People seem to change when the 'd' word comes into the equation. Families become so divided and it is hard to do the right thing.
I would say hello and ask how they are. My nana abu used to say, even if someone does not on talking to you, avoiding you, go say salaam to them and how just because they treat you in a certain way does not mean you have to imitate them. They will be the one's who will feel ashamed and will open up.
Re: How do other relations break off after a divorce?
In divorces in Pakistan, all ties seem to get cut off. If they were childless-thats okay . but when there are children involved....it shouldn't be like that IMO.
Why should either set of grandparents or siblings be denied their own nephew/neice/granchild, because they live with only one parent? Especially when they weren't monsters and are interested in keeping contact with the children.
Re: How do other relations break off after a divorce?
i agree in pak culture there is no sorta staying friends...in the western world it can be seen to a degree with some people...
i know this isnt on the same level...but i have a friend that im not friends with anymore...but i know her friends...and if i see them some of them say hello and some dont out of 'loyalty' and im ok with that cos i understand why they are doing it..
in old days, a lot of marriages did NOT end in divorces just because of THIS consideration. they cared for extended family and they weighed this against the divorce that wud cause such tremors in the entire clan.
i duno y but i find that so beautiful, like a selfless love for ur family and their reputation...
Re: How do other relations break off after a divorce?
Ah… old thread. I now know the answer to this question. Relative got divorced. I was good friends with her husband. Quit talking right after that, it just felt odd. Run into him from time to time, say salam and that is it.
Re: How do other relations break off after a divorce?
I think people just ignore them and if they see them from afar - they cross the street. It’s actually very sad to see that happen and it becomes even more awkward when you see the same people at other functions.
I actually hate the impact of divorce and what it does especially if you are close to someone and it’s only through a marriage. It’s hard to cut off ties completely with people, especially if you have grown really close to them and formed a bond. For example, I’m very close to my bhabhi (my BIL’s wife) and I would be devastated if I had to cut ties off from her because we’re like BFF’s.
Re: How do other relations break off after a divorce?
After my parents divorce, my father remained close with my mother’s siblings, especially my two
youngest khala’s who were just 9/10 years old when my parents married. They remained like little sisters to him and still had aana/jaana with him. On my dadiyal side, my taya & tayi, 2 younger chacha’s stayed cordial and in touch with my Ammi, when she would visit Karachi, and when one of my chacha’s came to US for that first time to visit, they went straight to see my Ammi their first day at my house. My phuppis though acted like she never existed.
I guess it depends on how amicable the divorce was and how strong the relations were to begin with.
Re: How do other relations break off after a divorce?
Yeah suffering through a painful, abusive marriage where the children also get psychologically effected by seeing and hearing the abuse is a really wonderful selfless love…It was mostly to keep everything hush hush so society wouldn’t find out. Shove everything including ongoing abuse under the carpet in the olden days.
In a situation of divorce that I know of, since the child of the divorce was very close to the father’s uncle’s family who were very nice but the marriage was mostly 90% all negatives and painful, the mother after the divorce did let the child spend time with the uncle’s family because it made the child happy