Re: How do "married off" daughters take care of their parents
^do you see what i mean when I say this joint family system only benefits men? Do you now see how unfair it is for women that don't have brothers?
You are rite to some extent. But still i believe in... give and take rule in marriages. If you care about his parents and take care of them then he will do the same for your parents.
Re: How do “married off” daughters take care of their parents
Get ready for tamaatars 
Re: How do "married off" daughters take care of their parents
I learnt here..that daughters have equal responsibility to take care of their parents.....just like sons do..
Wow, you learnt this valuable fact here? Ever thought of reading the Quran where the rights of parents are constantly emphasized without giving any regard to gender?! I am sorry but I've never come across any Quranic verse that limits the responsibility of parents to sons or takes away that responsibility from girls.
1) Women definately have responsibilities towards her own parents like the men do, HOWEVER you can't say they are same just lik men and women arent. So the comparison is baseless.
2) According to the Quran, The Women's first priority is her husband unlike the men whos first priority is not his wife. To make it simple to understand; Who has the most right over a woman?” = “Her husband. “Who has the most right over a man?” = “His mother.”
Can you tell me WHERE in the Quran it says that a woman's first priority is her husband and the man's first priority is his mother. I know there is a hadith about a mother's rights over a man but misquoting the Quran and making such ridiculous comments is rather sad.
Sons and daughters have equal responsibilities towards their parents and anyone who misquotes the Quran is seriously living in a fool's paradise. A son's parents aren't any different than a daughter's parents and deserve equal respect, companionship and affection. Joint family system isn't a creation of Islam, it's a creation of Hinduism with preference being given solely to the husband's parents....I don't want to mention the pros and cons of joint family systems since that's not the issue here but people really need to align their thought processes with the reality of their religion as opposed to following dogmatic Hindu customs.
I honestly can't believe the ignorance and backwardness often exhibited on this forum. No wonder Pakistan as a country is still stuck in the dark ages.
Re: How do "married off" daughters take care of their parents
Wow, you learnt this valuable fact here? Ever thought of reading the Quran where the rights of parents are constantly emphasized without giving any regard to gender?! I am sorry but I've never come across any Quranic verse that limits the responsibility of parents to sons or takes away that responsibility from girls.
Can you tell me WHERE in the Quran it says that a woman's first priority is her husband and the man's first priority is his mother. I know there is a hadith about a mother's rights over a man but misquoting the Quran and making such ridiculous comments is rather sad.
Sons and daughters have equal responsibilities towards their parents and anyone who misquotes the Quran is seriously living in a fool's paradise. A son's parents aren't any different than a daughter's parents and deserve equal respect, companionship and affection. Joint family system isn't a creation of Islam, it's a creation of Hinduism with preference being given solely to the husband's parents....I don't want to mention the pros and cons of joint family systems since that's not the issue here but people really need to align their thought processes with the reality of their religion as opposed to following dogmatic Hindu customs.
I honestly can't believe the ignorance and backwardness often exhibited on this forum. No wonder Pakistan as a country is still stuck in the dark ages.
I don't know which country you are from...nor does that matter...
but it goes without saying that....if someone is less knowledgeable than you...or has a different opinion........u don't have to jump on your high horse and take piss on others.......
and one last thing....... your reply was irrelevant to the topic....i hope u are not that 'backward and ignorant' to know that right??
Re: How do "married off" daughters take care of their parents
I don't know which country you are from...nor does that matter...
but it goes without saying that....if someone is less knowledgeable than you...or has a different opinion........u don't have to jump on your high horse and take piss on others.......
and one last thing....... your reply was irrelevant to the topic....i hope u are not that 'backward and ignorant' to know that right??
No need to get all antsy just because I cornered you and asked for an explanation. I am not the one on the high horse. People should not be misquoting things and giving them a religious stroke without any facts to back up their statements.
My reply was totally relevant to the topic if you bother to actually read it. In case you missed it, the gist of my response was: How do married off daughters take care of their parents? The same way married off sons take care of their parents.
Re: How do "married off" daughters take care of their parents
Don't belittle our cultural heritage by using words like dogmatic hindu customs. I am proud of our customs. Islam is spirtual, you can have any culture to go with that. I am not so enlightened but even I know what is right and wrong.
Re: How do “married off” daughters take care of their parents
oh you cornered me and asked for an explanation…i am so scared… :k:
and what the ‘same way’ be??
they keep the parents in their home?? and girls and their husband looks after her parents???
Re: How do "married off" daughters take care of their parents
Don't belittle our cultural heritage by using words like dogmatic hindu customs. I am proud of our customs. Islam is spirtual, you can have any culture to go with that. I am not so enlightened but even I know what is right and wrong.
I am not belittling your cultural heritage. There is no need to misquote religion and subvert it so it can fit YOUR culture. One should know what's cultural and what's religious and clearly some people can't differentiate between the two. One should take care of their parents as they see fit but don't make it seem as if YOUR way is the religiously prescribed way because it's clearly not.
Re: How do "married off" daughters take care of their parents
You seem to be contradicting yourself here. Didn't you write that people need to align their thought process with religion as opposed to dogmatic hindu customs? So joint family and daughter in laws looking after the parents in law is a hindu custom?
Re: How do "married off" daughters take care of their parents
If the answer is yes then you are belittling our cultural heritage?
Re: How do "married off" daughters take care of their parents
If the answer is no, then "dogmatic hindu customs" and Islam are compatible?
Re: How do "married off" daughters take care of their parents
^that's a very good point you brought up, Arshad. Joint family system is primitive south Asian culture. It's older than Mughal invasion of NW India now pakistan. No other Muslim country follows this custom so yes I would say it's very Hindu in nature. However, I have seen pakistan Muslims arguing with middle easterners of how this is islamically ok. Needless to say, they don't agree and never will. All abrahamic religions advise to not live with inlaws as it creates problems and it's harder to bond as a couple with inlaws living in the same household. Like I said in another post that it's so embedded in Pakistani society that even most Muslim women defend it and think that their inlaws have rights over them. It's sad that women don't even know their rights because there's ^no awareness.
Re: How do "married off" daughters take care of their parents
could we please return to the topic??
joint family system is totally another topic ./.
Re: How do "married off" daughters take care of their parents
I think these dayz parents are really good on their own.....like obviously daughters come to visit every now and then , but parents have everything they need, like a house, a job (or retired , but do get good pension income), a car .....what else is there to fulfill?...But if parents dont have a house or cant take care of them selves obviously daughters can contribute to that . it also depends on how supportive the in-laws are towards that... anywayz if my parents ever need me i'll alwayz be there for them no matter what ^_^
Re: How do "married off" daughters take care of their parents
You seem to be contradicting yourself here. Didn't you write that people need to align their thought process with religion as opposed to dogmatic hindu customs? So joint family and daughter in laws looking after the parents in law is a hindu custom?
People need to align their thought processes with religion so that they realize that taking care of your parents is a responsibility of both sons and daughters and not just limited to sons! I never looked down upon joint family systems but this whole notion of a daughter devoting her life to taking care of her in-laws and saying adios to her parents as soon as she gets married is very much a concept that we inherited from our next door neighbors. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking care of your in-laws and should be done with as much dedication. Just don't make it seem that a woman can't take be there or take care of her parents once she is married! Other than India and Pakistan, there is no other nation that thinks along such lines!!
If the answer is yes then you are belittling our cultural heritage?
If the answer is no, then "dogmatic hindu customs" and Islam are compatible?
Again, religion emphasizes taking care of your parents. It doesn't emphasize that sons need to take care of their parents and daughters can let go of this very important responsibility as soon as they're married. South Asian customs on the other hand are busy focusing on how the daughter is only responsible for her husband and her in-laws. These customs would have been compatible with our religion had equal importance been given to both sets of parents which is sadly not the case. Just because I am married doesn't mean my parents have to spend their entire old age with my brother. I want to enjoy their company and be blessed with their presence too and that will not be taken away from me just because I am married!
Re: How do “married off” daughters take care of their parents
Arshad, :hinna:
Daughters are never responsible for the inlaws. Its just a desi thing - nothing more than that.
What I dont understand is…why do guys like you feel your parents are not worth your own time? You go through the trouble of marrying someone so THEY can take care of your parents - but you wont do it when its actually YOUR responsibility? Why?
Your wife gets ajar for what she does BUT you are not relieved of your role and still will be held accountable for everything she did and you didnt.
A lot of our cultural practices are ridiculous in nature and thats a fact. Yeah, its our culture but its not entirely compatible with Islam.
Joint family system and DIL doing khidmat of her inlaws versus her own living and breathing parents who have a right over her IS a hindu custom.
Re: How do "married off" daughters take care of their parents
So...after reading the replies.......i guess the main point in all the info shared is that its basically the willingness and kindness of the Son-in-Law which makes it possible for the girls to be there for their parents and help them out.........or did i misinterpret it??
I know where you are getting at. ;)
Reminds me the joke:
One woman to other Woman:
**How is your son?
**Kia Bataaon Behan, he is the devil. Joru Ka Ghulaam Hai bas.
Doesn't care about his mother!
**How is your damad?
**Oh! he is sooo naik and shareef. Whatever my daughter says he does. He bought me this Saari too. :)
Re: How do "married off" daughters take care of their parents
my mum send money regularly to her mum. my grand father has passed away and we dont live in pakistan, so my grandmother lives with my mamoo. He is not very well off financially, so my mum pays for her mum's medicines and all other costs by sending money every few months.
my khalas are not very well off too.
Re: How do "married off" daughters take care of their parents
**It is very difficult for a girl to take care of her parents when she is married . Sure she can financially help them no matter where she is but the real day to day things is hard and being ther for them if they fall sick or need to go to the hospital etc.
I myself dont have brothers , so its always been something that preyed on my mind , who is gonna take care of them when all of us are married or move faraway......in fact I turned down a couple of very good rishtas because the guy lived in Australia or Canada.......
So short of getting a ghar damad ( which neither I want nor my parents ) or not getting married at all the only do-able solution is to live nearby.......or in the same city .
What me and my sisters have worked out is that once ALL of us are married off then each of us will take turns to come over and visit and stay over for a couple of weeks each , that way there is one of us constantly there at all times !
That way it does not interfere with married life or living with in laws and no one should have objections to it and our parents are taken care off and get to see their grandkids often too......
**
Re: How do "married off" daughters take care of their parents
Please can you elaborate on where in the Quran it says that joint family is unislamic? I am no expert on religion but that statement does not appeal to my common sense.
^that's a very good point you brought up, Arshad. Joint family system is primitive south Asian culture. It's older than Mughal invasion of NW India now pakistan. No other Muslim country follows this custom so yes I would say it's very Hindu in nature. However, I have seen pakistan Muslims arguing with middle easterners of how this is islamically ok. Needless to say, they don't agree and never will. All abrahamic religions advise to not live with inlaws as it creates problems and it's harder to bond as a couple with inlaws living in the same household. Like I said in another post that it's so embedded in Pakistani society that even most Muslim women defend it and think that their inlaws have rights over them. It's sad that women don't even know their rights because there's ^no awareness.