how do i react to this?

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Re: how do i react to this?

In short.."fake it, till you make it." :D

42

Re: how do i react to this?

I am not saying she should say sorry because she did something wrong. She should say sorry because

A) Her MIL will NOT say sorry...she will milk and play this "illness" for as long as she possibly can.

B) There is no sense giving these things anymore attention than they have already gotten.

C) RV made a valid point...MIL is old now. She cannot be as attentive to a baby as nadz could be and its unreasonable to expect that of her. I know because my mom watches her grandkids too sometimes and believe me it wears her out to no end. My sister doesnt ask her as much anymore. My mom will never say no but she isnt a spring chicken anymore and we see that.

Look nadz, you're living in your MIL's house. You can either engage yourself in a struggle with her OR figure out how to deal with this so both of you are happy. My suggestion is apologize and let this one go. Next time, do your best to take baby with you. If you leave her with your MIL, make sure she has at least one other person who is also willing to be responsible while you are away. Stay away from situations that might cause a problem between you two and be nice to her - especially when your husband is around.

RV also said something key here...your husband actually stood up for you. Can you flip through the pages of Life1 threads please? You need to learn how to be content with something like that because its not common and you're taking it for granted. He is there for you, what else do you need?

43

Re: how do i react to this?

I dont think you need to apologize....she might make a habit out of it & you shouldnt say sorry for what you didnt do...........

It might also be an adjustment for her too since you guys have moved into her house so just be polite & stay quiet as you did this time & ignore her other dramas
Dont try to compete with her drama acts as you already have enough on your plate

if she cant take care of the baby for whatever reason its understandable but she should be clear about it....and i dont think she should create a fuss about you guys eating out....living with in laws doesnt mean you guys cant have time alone outside the house....maybe you should have brought something for her ...

44

Re: how do i react to this?

  • I understand your situation Nadz. There is always friction between the MIL and the DIL, it's unfortunate, but also at times natural.

  • I don't think you did anything wrong intentionally, but one thing you should realize is that your MIL is older. Elders often get tired or unwell, and don't feel able to take care of a baby. She took out her anger on you because she may have been trying to care for the baby while waiting for you. And when you showed up late she let all of her frustration out. Which on her part isn't right either -- yelling is never the answer to anything. This problem could have been resolved politely as well. Perhaps in the future, if you carry a cell phone you can call her and let her know that you'd be late. Or at least take the baby with you or drop him/her off somewhere you know they'll be well taken care of :) Sure the MIL may want to play or care for the baby from time to time, but she may not want to babysit them for such long periods of time!

  • In the end, I think you should apologize for being late and let her know it won't happen again. But this doesn't mean that you and your husband can't go out! You guys should try to spend as much time together as you can (alone), especially if you live with the in-laws. And take the baby with you or as I said drop him/her off to your parents place :)

  • Best of luck with everything! :)

45

Re: how do i react to this?

it is really hard to read your post. or may be i m tired therefore having tough time to read..

46

Re: how do i react to this?

nadz, out of curiosity, were your MIL's complaints valid? I know she didn't address them properly, but were the complaints valid?
1. Did you tell her you were going out?
2. Did you ask her if she could watch the baby?
3. Did you let her know how long you would be gone?
4. Did you prepare the necessary milk/food for the baby, so she could access it with ease? Did you change her before you left?
5. Had your MIL just come home from a long day at work?
6. Was she also responsible for housework/cooking while you were gone?
7. Was she waiting for you and your hubby for dinner? Did you tell her you would be missing it?
8. Did you have cell phones with you that you could've used to call/checkin on MIL and baby?

47

Re: how do i react to this?

very nice approach :k:

48

Re: how do i react to this?

I think these things are pretty standard, and you SHOULD do them, before leaving your child with ANYONE, unless you're in some sort of emergency situation. It's basic courtesy for someone who might not have all the instincts, practice, and resources in place for taking care of your child.

If you didn't do any/all of the above, then apologize, and keep it in mind for next time.

49

Re: how do i react to this?

:k:

50

Re: how do i react to this?

Someone from zee tv could make a whole drama series on your life Nadz.

51

Re: how do i react to this?

One more to my original list that I should've stated:

  1. Did you give your MIL a sense of what she needed to do for the baby while you were gone? Like did you tell her when she would need to be fed, changed, etc? It sounds like you got home after the baby would be asleep. Did you also give guidelines for that?

I know you live with your MIL and so perhaps you assume that she should just know what to do. But that's not how it works. And if someone is doing you a favor and watching your child, you should make it as easy as possible for the caregiver AND your child.

52

Re: how do i react to this?

mother in laws are always a drama...aik kaan se suno and dosray se nikal dow...think as if they are mad :D

53

Re: how do i react to this?

Actually my mum often falls sick or low on mood after a row, but I swear if a third person try to convince us that she's doing 'drameybazi', he/she will be lukcy to escape a slap!

So be careful about what you say to your husband about his mother.

54

Re: how do i react to this?

What you don’t know won’t hurt anybody. So I aint telling.

Because they are her well wishers and they do not want her to end in the lowest part of the deepest ditch of Jahannum. We were all raised to respect our elders no matter what . Even if our elders are on the wrong we do not want to antagonize them and get their bud duain instead of duain.

55

Re: how do i react to this?

Wow easy with the drama. You don't end up in the abyss of hell if you don't apologize for something you didn't do. Sahar02 mentioned a great list of questions that Nadz needs to answer to see if she was in the slightest bit wrong. And if this is the reason her MIL would give bud duain to her, then God help her MIL. Bud duain only afflict a person if God thinks the person has wronged someone. An innocent person is immune to bud duain and God alone is the judge of that.

56

Re: how do i react to this?

I wouldn't be surprised if nadz neglected to do some of the above, BUT that doesn't mean her MIL was not at fault at all. I just think that nadz should address what she can to avoid further conflict.

57

Re: how do i react to this?

Really sad!

yar ye zindagi hai kitne din ki ?
loog sochte nehi hein .pyar se reh le gey tou baad mein loog achey lafzo se yaad ker le gey...:)

58

Re: how do i react to this?

Now she will remind her husband for rest of life, how his mother became angry when they left their girl with her for few hours.

59

Re: how do i react to this?

your autobiography is coming on well, which chapter is this piece from?