Re: how do i react to this?
Nadz....what would happen.....if you one day....looked your MIL straight in the eye and said "Look, I know that you would have preferred if your son had married your niece. It's not my fault that he chose me......but I sense some tension between us and I don't think it's healthy. Our plans don't always go according to Allah's." Get right to to the root of the problem. It might shock her into thinking about her behavior.
Re: how do i react to this?
ok next step-
hubs wants me to talk to her now privatley, plus shes bimaar now.
so what do i say?
Go and say sorry.
You live in her home and sometimes she may even help you take care of your child. Just go and apologize.
Your husband stood up for you and thats ALL that matters here...it would terrible if he also took his mother's side.
What you do now is live the way you want to live...do the things you want to do but be sweet to her...especially when your husband is there.
Dont get angry...get smart.
Re: how do i react to this?
True, Allah gives people respect. Plus in the long run, these things won't even matter. Your husband will gain even more respect for you, since he already knows that his mom is in the wrong. Be the bigger person and just say sorry, a lot of life is acting anyway. Say it even if you don't mean it.
Re: how do i react to this?
But then in that case, no one else should apologize either, as nadz said in her original post that she gets sick and then everyone else says sorry and takes care of her.
He also should not ask you to apologize because in what you have written above you haven't mentioned that u dd any badtameezi with her so why say sorry ? Give the matter some time she won't be ill for the rest of her life.
Sara read my post again this is what I have said too that she shouldn't say sorry either people here are suggesting her to say sorry jab us nay kuch bola hi nahi to sorry kis baat ka kahay gi
Re: how do i react to this?
so exactly how will your izzat be compromised if you apologize to a drama queen? I suspect in no way whatsoever because the person that apologizes is always the one that is respected more. furthermore, anyone that can see or will later see that MIL is putting it on, will respect you for apologizing when it was not your fault at all.
and what will be accomplished by showing the hubby that his mother is putting it on other than create tensions between them?
sorry to be blunt but many of your issues seem to melt down to a power struggle between you and MIL.
such power struggles are rarely fruitful for either party.
Re: how do i react to this?
ok so people know theres trouble brewing with the MIL, anyway last night me and hubs went out shopping, i havent been out shopping for a week ( HERE in pak, the shops are far and u need a car, and plus it snot normal to just pop out to the shops here) so i needed a few things plus stuff for the baby, etc. we left at 7pm came home by 10...
his mum hit the roof. she said tumhe koi fikr nahi hai apni baby ki, you lot r shopping and mazey say pirr rey ho, while u dnt care if your daughters had her milk or not......where were u etc etc...she said this to me first, i was upset, as i felt we had left baby with her daddi, obvioiusly i was wrong. she also then had a go at my husband when he tried to defend me/us and he said why u always having a go at nadz, she went off on one.
anyway my FIL is great, he saifd he will samjaa her. husband also said we wont leave baby alone anymore.
ok.
now today, shes ill.
now this isnt normal. she always does this.everytime someone says something to her, shes ill the next day meaning we all have swoon after her and instead of her apoligsing, we have to because she makes oit out like shes a victim....its happned before where she will have a go at someone, as soon as they respond, the next day she will fone and say how bimmar shes bcome....so the other person goes running to her aid....
i knew she would do this drama today, so now i have to go AND talk to her rather than the other way round.....
plus if she really was sorry, she wouldve text me and told me shes sorry, she instead text her son and gave him a speech on how mazloom she is, and say sorry to nadz for me....
this is all her drama.how can i explain to hubs shes not really ill at all. i know her.
Get "sick" yourself. Show her that you can also play her game.
Re: how do i react to this?
Give her some sankhia in milk tonight. They sell it at mohally k pansari key dookan per. Problem will be resolved forever.
Re: how do i react to this?
What is sankhia? Pansari? 
Re: how do i react to this?
Nadz....what would happen.....if you one day....looked your MIL straight in the eye and said "Look, I know that you would have preferred if your son had married your niece. It's not my fault that he chose me......but I sense some tension between us and I don't think it's healthy. Our plans don't always go according to Allah's." Get right to to the root of the problem. It might shock her into thinking about her behavior.
from what I recall, nadz is her niece
Re: how do i react to this?
i am her niece. but from her husbands side. hes my mamu. she is an outsider, not related at all. hence, she prefers her sisters/bros kids than to her husbands sis/bros kids....
Re: how do i react to this?
Go and say sorry.
You live in her home and sometimes she may even help you take care of your child. Just go and apologize.
Your husband stood up for you and thats ALL that matters here...it would terrible if he also took his mother's side.
What you do now is live the way you want to live...do the things you want to do but be sweet to her...especially when your husband is there.
Dont get angry...get smart.
soooo you suggest i be nice to her.....and thats being smart...please elaborate....:0
Re: how do i react to this?
i am her niece. but from her husbands side. hes my mamu. she is an outsider, not related at all. hence, she prefers her sisters/bros kids than to her husbands sis/bros kids....
You didn't answer my question. What would your MIL do if you point blank said to her what I brought up in my last post?
Re: how do i react to this?
Is your story copyrighted nadz? I reckon I could use this to spark a bidding war among Indian tv channels.
Re: how do i react to this?
What I mean by getting smart is...be sweet and nice to her just like you should be. Apologize to her and let this one go.
Do exactly what you want - just be nice about it.
Re: how do i react to this?
What I mean by getting smart is...be sweet and nice to her just like you should be. Apologize to her and let this one go.
Do exactly what you want - just be nice about it.
The thing is, Nadz and her MIL, are both moolis from one khet. Both of them want the upper hand and none of them will back down.
Re: how do i react to this?
But then in that case, no one else should apologize either, as nadz said in her original post that she gets sick and then everyone else says sorry and takes care of her.
but why not? i apologize to my mother when she hits the roof even when she's wrong to do so... i always apologize and the unsaid words after the apology is for doing something that made you go in a state that caused your BP to rise...even though I wasnt wrong... i made you upset and i apologize for that... she never gets to hear that part but thats ok...apologizing to her does not in any way belittle me... why can we not accord the same courtesy to an MIL?
i think its not bad at all for nadz to apologize...if she doesnt want to apologize she can at least go talk to her and be nice... old people are like kids anyways...they will throw a tantrum over nothing and its not necessarily meant to dominate the DIL specifically... it cna be anybody... I wanna know does this MIL of hers only yell at nadz? if so then I agree nadz shouldnt apologize but if the MIL is the same with everyone else too then i dont think there is discrimination directed specifically at nadz so there would be no harm in apologizing or at least trying to make amends
nadz if you think she was upset because you guys ate out you either should not have mentioned it or you should have brought some food back for her and said hey mom sorry you had to take care of the baby for so long we kinda lost track of time while we were shopping for necessities... and we got hungry so we stopped to eat...but i kept thinking about you and missing you so i brought some food back for you... neck time it would be nice if we all went out or something...give her a peck on the cheek and a hug
i realize you feel that you left your baby with the daadi whats the big issue...but you never know how frustrated the daadi might have gotten cuz she aint used to babies anymore and no one has the stamina for a baby that is not theirs... maybe ur baby cried alot maybe the daadi developed a headache cuz of the incessant crying...maybe daadi needed to do some things but cudnt cuz she was afraid that while the baby was under her care if she left it alone for a minute and somehting happened to it how would she face her DIL...maybe just maybe she took all the frustration out on you and didnt even think that you ahd gone out after a week and it wud take you long...all she cud think about was its ok to leave the baby with me but not for such long periods of time...its stressful to take care of someone else's baby
there is no need to prove to your hubby that your MIL is always behaving like this...he stuck up for you...that's enough...whats the sense in trying to prove that anyways? what would it accomplish... why not just let your MIL's behavior roll of your back after all she is not making ur life miserable to the extent that even ur hubby is not on ur side and if you are constantly bitter about how your MIL behaves and want ur hubby to see it too it will only have a negative emotional effect on you and no one else
forgive me for the long post...im jsut trying to put out a fire :p
Re: how do i react to this?
Nadz....what would happen.....if you one day....looked your MIL straight in the eye and said "Look, I know that you would have preferred if your son had married your niece. It's not my fault that he chose me......but I sense some tension between us and I don't think it's healthy. Our plans don't always go according to Allah's." Get right to to the root of the problem. It might shock her into thinking about her behavior.
What a dumb suggestion.
Re: how do i react to this?
ok so people know theres trouble brewing with the MIL, anyway last night me and hubs went out shopping, i havent been out shopping for a week ( HERE in pak, the shops are far and u need a car, and plus it snot normal to just pop out to the shops here) so i needed a few things plus stuff for the baby, etc. we left at 7pm came home by 10...
his mum hit the roof. she said tumhe koi fikr nahi hai apni baby ki, you lot r shopping and mazey say pirr rey ho, while u dnt care if your daughters had her milk or not......where were u etc etc...she said this to me first, i was upset, as i felt we had left baby with her daddi, obvioiusly i was wrong. she also then had a go at my husband when he tried to defend me/us and he said why u always having a go at nadz, she went off on one.
anyway my FIL is great, he saifd he will samjaa her. husband also said we wont leave baby alone anymore.
ok.
now today, shes ill.
now this isnt normal. she always does this.everytime someone says something to her, shes ill the next day meaning we all have swoon after her and instead of her apoligsing, we have to because she makes oit out like shes a victim....its happned before where she will have a go at someone, as soon as they respond, the next day she will fone and say how bimmar shes bcome....so the other person goes running to her aid....
i knew she would do this drama today, so now i have to go AND talk to her rather than the other way round.....
plus if she really was sorry, she wouldve text me and told me shes sorry, she instead text her son and gave him a speech on how mazloom she is, and say sorry to nadz for me....
this is all her drama.how can i explain to hubs shes not really ill at all. i know her.
Get "sick" yourself. Show her that you can also play her game.
Thats how women make lives of men a hell.
Re: how do i react to this?
Why on earth are people telling her to apologize to her MIL? What should she be apologetic about?! She didn't even talk back when she was having a go at her.
How is it her fault that she went out with her husband to run some errands and also decided to eat out?! What's wrong with a couple eating out every now and then while leaving their kid with the grandparent. i thought that was a very normal thing to do and grandparents are usually very eager to babysit their grandchildren.
Unfortunately I am also well aware of such women. They feign illness so that people feel sorry for them and it's rather frustrating. I think deep down your husband also knows she is faking it but doesn't want to create any negativity. He is being a good respectful son and you should be proud of him. Also, he took a stand for you so you should be happy. Meanwhile, while she is 'sick' just help her, be extra nice to her, make her soup and keep asking if she needs anything. Your husband will see that too and honestly at the end of the day, you need to keep your husband happy. So swallow your pride and be good for your husband's sake. But honestly there is no need to say sorry! You did nothing wrong here! You went out to run some errands and decided to eat out. Big deal!
Re: how do i react to this?
While I understand that the baby was left with her grandmother....it still needs to be considered that the MIL is older...and after a certain point...it can/may even be tiring to look after a baby. A person might not be feeling well or might have other things to do, what have you. That said, I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to keep the time in mind.....and to come back to your OWN responsibilities (the baby is the primarily the parents' responsibility) so as not to impose on the others and their time, etc.
Also, Nadz......I really do think it's sad that even though your husband stood up for you in front of the family (not even behind your back...but in front of everyone)........you don't seem to appreciate that enough....you're still trying to find ways to "wrap him around your finger." He'll never be perfect....but even what he did for you......you're blessed because not every desi wife has a husband who would be strong enough to do that. That's something you need to think about. Reflect over where you're being unreasonable in your views and demands.