Okay, I know what everyone’s thinking. I’m not the only one! Everyone goes through this and you don’t necessarily have to “find” the guy yourself but I’m sick of waiting. I’m not that old, I know I have time but I would really like to have a significant other in my life. As superficial as it may sound, I (you don’t have to agree with me) feel you can only achieve true happiness when you have someone special in your life.
I’ve had somebody in my life, don’t have them anymore and I would really like having someone special in my life! I’m sick of waiting. My parent’s have never nagged me about getting married but even they’ve started talking about how I should be getting engaged within the next year or so because I’m “of age”. I’m scared to death of being married to someone and not being in love with them (love = happiness..for me). That’s something I’d never do, and my parents know it but how long can I wait?! How does a Pakistani, Muslim girl go about finding “the one” in this day and age. I can’t wait for “him to come to me” because I’ve waited and it’s not happening!
Believe it or not, I do have a life..although it may not sound like it because I’m saying all this here. I have friends, no one I’m interested in getting serious with though. I don’t go clubbing and okay I’m not THE most social person in the world, I might not make myself as available as I could, but that’s something you’re refrained from doing being a Muslim girl. What do I do? What CAN I do? I feel that you should get to know a person for a while before you plan on marrying them and it’s about time I started getting to know someone if I’m going to marry them in a couple of years! (I know that’s not how it has to be but that’s how I’d like it)
And yes, I do pray for things I want, but what can I do OTHER than that, suggestions please!
Your parents can tell their friends and your family that "we are looking for rishtas for our daughter, if you know any suitors, please let us know."
Once the word spreads that you are looking, then in a few months rishtas will come, then you can get to know the rishta before getting married.
It will take a while, but atleast the process would start.
Good luck.
how cool would your parents be with maybe finding a prospect and have you both talk and hang out with one another prior to actually do the "haan haan"?
it wouldnt be entirely arranged and it'll give you a chance to speak to the guy, get to knoe one another... fall in love (or not) and then see how it goes?
yea the decent way to find a guy of ur own is talk to friends n parents. They can introduce u to eligible ppl n then u can decide where to go from there.
or else try the matrimonial sites. may be ur luck works for u.
how cool would your parents be with maybe finding a prospect and have you both talk and hang out with one another prior to actually do the "haan haan"?
it wouldnt be entirely arranged and it'll give you a chance to speak to the guy, get to knoe one another... fall in love (or not) and then see how it goes?
My parents would allow that..now to find the prospect! lol
That is an option, but you know when something like that happens and parents allow you to talk and hang out with the guy, your parents and usually the prospects parents think it's final..or atleast they want it to be. They can kind of pressurize you into saying yes, which I know isn't a bad thing, they are your parents after all. I don't know..it's all very confusing.. I just want to find a guy myself, not have my parents involved, they trust my choice, I know they'd be cool with that.
yea the decent way to find a guy of ur own is talk to friends n parents. They can introduce u to eligible ppl n then u can decide where to go from there.
or else try the matrimonial sites. may be ur luck works for u.
You know I really wish they had some good matrimonial sites. I only know of shaadi.com and I don't think I'll put myself up there..that site is just..no..won't work
Look around in your social circle, speak to your parents, you can even try online if you want.
A lot of people have success through the last method because nowadays, no one really has time to go out there and look for a potential mate. So, many resort to websites because their professional and personal lives dont allow time/opportunity to date or get to know someone.
Look around in your social circle, speak to your parents, you can even try online if you want.
A lot of people have success through the last method because nowadays, no one really has time to go out there and look for a potential mate. So, many resort to websites because their professional and personal lives dont allow time/opportunity to date or get to know someone.
So I've heard, it sounds convenient..maybe I'll give it a go.
I know you probably don't want to hear this (or have heard it hundreds of times before), but you're quite young still and have plenty of time. Allah SWT has a time for you to find your "one" and you can look and look and look...but it won't happen a second before or after He has decreed.
So allow your parents and loved ones to keep an eye out for you. I know you want to find him yourself, but you never know. So many of my friends swore up and down that they wouldn't marry the person their parents found for them. And you know what ended up happening with most of them? They married someone their parents introduced them to and are very happy, Alhamdullillah.
If you meet someone you like, talk to your parents.
But in the meantime, try not to worry about it too much. Study (if you're a student), spend time with parents and family, strive to be a better Muslim, do things you enjoy, and go to social functions (you probably won't run into the "one" if you're not socializing). And if you are getting pressure from family to get engaged...try to stand your ground and not give in unless you are sure about the guy.
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but since my parents have started mentioning getting me engaged
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I can almost guarantee you that they were thinking about getting you engaged (without "mentioning" it) the day you were born. :)
Because they're parents. The worry switch was switched on full force the moment you came into this world. They worry because they love you and want to see you settled.
So let them mention it. And really listen to what they have to say. Meet with whoever they want you to meet with good grace. Within limits of course. If something doesn't feel right to you, talk to them and tell them you'd rather not meet with the guy.
And just keep praying and hang on. I was in your shoes nearly ten years ago. A lot of times I nearly gave up and decided to just say yes to someone who seemed decent because I couldn't take the stress and pressure. I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad I kept praying and waited until I was absolutely sure. Or I would never have met my "one" and be as wonderfully happy as I am now.
im in the same exact shoes as you, only difference is that i do have someone potential in my life. we're friends but the problem is that hes 10 years older than me and wants to settle down ASAP like within the next year..while i want to take my time to finish up school, apply to grad school and get married in about 3-4 years. for this reason we have decided to remain friends as i am in no rush to marry and he isn't willing to wait.
truth is when you find the guy who is "the one" you wont even know it :) just make lots of dua for patience and for the righteous man to come along your way. it seems like the obvious thing to do but since i am in your shoes i know how difficult it is and often forget how to feel or react. my parents havent officially started the rishta hunt for me but i know they will start nagging me real soon. Inshallah i hope you and i both, along with many other sisters who are going through this embrace it with patience and lots of prayers.
