Maybe he's putting a genuine effort to make you feel better in his own way and telling you you're going to be fine but you're misunderstanding him.
I never thought of that. You may be right. That's deffo something I need to think and talk with him about.
Where there is a will, there is away.
The "will" is there.. I just need help with the "way"..
Re: How do I explain to my Pakistani Husband that I have depression..
hey barfi ... my western better half has a similar problem ... maybe exactly as yours ... in the beginning i didnt understand much ... but his father helped me out with it ... he's a psychologist ... and now i understand that it is really a medical problem ... but hes been regular with his medication and its good now than it was half a year ago ...
are you taking some kind of prescription medicine? i think it would be best if someone could explain it to him medically ... cuz i know its not easy to understand ... and in the mean time ... just focus on getting better ...
as for your hubby ... he is in the same situation as i was ... and it would be best for him to be patient and treat you like he would normally do, and not make you "feel" what you have even more ..... and just be supportive of you even when you are severely feeling your depression ...
thats all my man asked of me ... to be supportive ... and not take anything personally that came out of his mouth during that time ... or of how he behaved at times ....
p.s. but then i dont know how severe your condition is ...
I** think it would be best if someone could explain it to him medically**....
Yes, I think that would help. I've managed to find som leaflets translated into Urdu so hopefully he can get a medical point of view on it.
It would be best for him to be patient and treat you like he would normally do
This is kind of what CorruptAngel touched on.
Re: How do I explain to my Pakistani Husband that I have depression..
There is no such thing as depression silly.
How do I explain to my Pakistani Husband that I have depression, when such a notion is a foreign subject to Pakistani’s…?
Here in the west, depression is a bona-fide/recognised illness and Dr's here offer support and medication to provide the sufferer with some relief/respite. In Pakistan, the attitude is generally, “suck it up and get on with things”...
My Husband knows I am down and out and I’ve explained my feelings to him but he seems to think that what I am going through is a 24/48hr thing and I’ll be alright in a few days time. But with depression, that is not the case…
I don’t even know the Urdu equivalent for the word “depression” so I can say to him, “No, I’m not just having a bad patch, I’m depressed!”…
Help please…
**depression: afsurdagee, udaasee, afsurda dillee!
**I hope that helps to convey your feelings!
for someone who calls themselves "Barfii" which is a delightful desi sweet.........
you are going to be just fine!
Good Luck!
Re: How do I explain to my Pakistani Husband that I have depression..
*Have you had major changes in your life recently? Pregnancy? Loss of a loved one? If such is the case, it's actually true that you only need time to recover. One thing is for sure; I would not opt for anti-depressant medications without assessing the scenario thoroughly.
And it's not Pakistani men alone, I have seen a lot of gorays, kaalays, etc who think along the same lines, so relax and try to talk things out as much as you can. Best of luck.*
Re: How do I explain to my Pakistani Husband that I have depression..
I was watching Expert Talk on hum tv today and Dr Moiz said that depression is frustration of your expectations. When things in life dont go as we expect them to, we become frustrated and not accepting whatever has happened, causes us to get depressed.
So accept that it is the Will of Allah and be satisfied with it.
Grief is half of old age according to hadith traditions.
Re: How do I explain to my Pakistani Husband that I have depression..
^ Dr. Moiz needs to go back to school or renew his degree! 
as it turns out … depression is **NOT **just a frame of mind … and this is something that is being discussed more and more in the west … and more awareness is being spread about it since it’s still recent in terms of finding out more about it …
in severe cases … depression is pretty much a physical problem … like a paralyzed leg … it effects your brain … which is a very physical part of a human body … a paralyzed leg doesnt do anything but hinders you from using it … but an effected brain is a much worse problem because it is the central part of a body and it orders around the rest of it to function properly …
in a recent program that i was watching … a doctor made a comparison of a man with last stage cancer and a man with depression … depression is such a bad illness that the person would rather wish to have that cancer … becuz there is medicine available and still hope to get better … with depression its not the same case … medicine is still in early stage and has a few side effects that these people have to live with …
a person in depression is basically dealing with a hormonal imbalance … there is a certain release of chemicals in the brain that make you feel a certain emotion … happiness, sadness, etc … in some cases … people who are depressed … are basically facing a lack of production of these chemicals in their brain … NOW THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT THESE PEOPLE ARE CRAZY OR SOMETHING … but this just makes them feel depressed or develop social anxiety … this is curable with continued use of medicine … which is basically trying to retain an appropriate chemical balance and allowing the production of needed chemicals …
in extreme cases, if these people are not helped immediately … there have been cases of reported suicides …
Yes in severe cases it may become a physical problem, but it DOES stimulate frm the brain.
Self pity, jealousy/envy, loss of someone/something,failing and many more issues can cause one to become depressed slowly and steadily.
But overcoming these issues by accepting them with a clear mind and clean heart will eventually clear out any sadness or grief that you have.
If you have close friends/family then it helps to talk. Being alone and not open about problems/failures will only get you depressed.
Thats why doctors recommend that you TALK to someone about your problems.
In the west there is lack of religion,but in most eastern or i would say muslim countries islam comes in, and in Islam you find answers.
There are plenty of hadith/quranic references regarding sadness/grief/sorrow etc, plenty of books around that cover these topics.
Following western research blindly and not knowing what eastern counterparts are researching or have researched already is naive.
I suggest these books: 'Dont be sad'by Aaidh ibn Abdullah al-Qarni
'Purification of the Heart': Signs, Symptoms and Cures of the Spiritual Diseases of the Heart by Sheikh Hamza Yusuf.
Re: How do I explain to my Pakistani Husband that I have depression..
being sad as a result of sad event is one thing .. and yes as a Muslim .. Islam helps a lot to deal with such problems ... and talking to loved ones also helps ...
but depression is another thing altogether ... it does not have roots in any sad event ... it can just happen ... and it is becuz of a PHYSICAL problem that is in the brain ... but yes a sad event can highten this problem ...
you cant tell a person who has lost his leg to go read the Quran, and then he will be able to use that lost leg again! come on!
a person undergoing depression doesnt know why he is depressed ... he just is ... and he experiences things like an increased heartbeat ... which is a result of the fears that he develops by constantly being in that "sad" mood which is a result of a lack of so-called "happy-hormones" in the brain ... and these have to be physically controlled by teaching the person for example to do breathing exercises ... people in tension you will find breathe through their mouth .. and have rapid breathing ... so you need to control this by giving them exercises to do deep breathing and then eventually make it a habit ... as this will make the heart more relaxed ...
something you might be able to relate with ... when you do something crazy or sportive .. then your body releases adrenaline .... that gets you in that whole spirit of the moment ... now imagine a sportsman with no adrenaline ...
I don't need a marriage counsellor (if that is what you were referring too). My "issues" are not marriage related. To cut a long stroy short, I've had a miscarriage and I also lost a close sibling last year.
I don't blame him for my depression one bit. I just wish he'd understand why my frame of mind is what it is and that it is beyond my control. It's the depression that is "controlling me", not me.
As someone else pointed out, alot of men of different ethnicities treat this depression in a different way. I think they just have a different way of coping with loss and other difficult circumstances. I understand where you are coming from, my husband told me to just get depressed once and move on with my life. He doesn't understand that its not just something you get over in a few days and move on for it to never bother you again.
I'm sorry for your losses. it does seem like your depression is situational rather than chemical. whatever it is,discussing it wiht a doctor will help you assess your situation better than any of us can. Good luck.
Re: How do I explain to my Pakistani Husband that I have depression..
^ i've given a response to barfi earlier on ... this was just extra and added information of what other forms it can have ... any information is good information while we're still on the topic ... in just an additional response to djmi ... unless spreading awareness is not allowed ...
Re: How do I explain to my Pakistani Husband that I have depression..
No..it was in reference to a few other posts.
nevermind.
depression: afsurdagee, udaasee, afsurda dillee!
Thanks
*Have you had major changes in your life recently? Pregnancy? Loss of a loved one? *
Yes, but not so much recently. I lost a baby and a close sibling passed away. It's just been a rough 16 odd months with no let-up/respite.. It's constant.
Dr Moiz said that depression is frustration of your expectations. When things in life dont go as we expect them to, we become frustrated and not accepting whatever has happened, causes us to get depressed.
My motto is and always has been to "Never have expections and you'll never be dissapointed"
I have accepted the loss of my baby and my Sister. I know that it was Allah's will and he knows best. I have accepted my losses.
It does seem like your depression is situational rather than chemical. whatever it is,discussing it wiht a doctor will help you assess your situation better than any of us can. Good luck.
You could be right...
Thank you everyone for your responses.. Much appreciated!!
Re: How do I explain to my Pakistani Husband that I have depression..
Barfii... I'll tell u my experience ...if it can help...
I've gone through the situation like u told us ... I'll not tell u any theories its just wat i did ... No one, doesnt matter how he or she loves u can understand wat u r goin through...i went to psychologists they will prescribe u medicines of no use...
Try to accept everything... try to find out any thing positive from ur life n focus on it.... ignore all the negative thoughts that cross ur mind...stop expecting from ur husband that he will understand ur depression... its not his fault ,its just he cant see or feel wat r u feeling ...may be if u were at his place u would react the same because depression doesnt sound serious until u r suffering from it.... I shared my problem with all the loved ones they take care of u but as they cant see the illness they forget.... it took me 4 years to become little better...i still cant feel happy but now I,ve stopped thinking negative n try to not make others unhappy due to my mood....
so ... u know ur illness...treat urself... think positive ...remind urself that I m grown up I m mature n this is normal....Ignore negative thoughts ...stop expecting.... and at the end I found peace in long prayers (duas)...best of luck:)
Thanks for sharing your experience Biyya. It's reassuring to hear that things do get better in time..
A lot of the advice you gave is exactly what my Sister would have said to me if she was alive today! She was always right, about everything (aren't big sisters always? lol)..
Thanks again...
Re: How do I explain to my Pakistani Husband that I have depression..
May Allah bless ur sister n give her place in Jannat ul firdaus…
and yeah things always get better… and they will , for u too … Inshallah 
I m glad that it helped
You are right, depression could be just about anything. Some people are genetically more prone to depression than others. You stated you've had this before you got married. So at least you are happily married. You also mentioned that you work full time so you must go out and must be somewhat independent woman,taking care of kids and running the family. So if your husband doesn't understand your illness and you've tried everything possible to make him understand that, why don't you just seek help on your own? Why can't you go see your doctor on your own and take whatever medication he tells you to take.
While you do this which of course will benefit you IA, you can in the meantime come up with ways to make your husband understand about this illness. Get a video/dvd that explains what depression is or maybe an article for him to read. But please please seek help first.
Some people are genetically more prone to depression than others.
I read an article years ago that said that children born to depressed pregnant mothers are more prone to depression in later life/when they hit puberty (which is about the time I had my first few bouts of depression). My "father" (if you could even class him as that) was useless and made my Mum very depressed when she was pregnant with me. It's something to do with the chemical changes and hormone balances in the growing foetus that are effected. (Will post some info if I find it)..
This is also one of the reasons I am scared to start trying for a baby again since I lost my first baby...
You also mentioned that you work full time so you must go out and must be somewhat independent woman,taking care of kids and running the family.
I was thinking about this yesterday. I do have a very active life and I rarely get a break (some "me" time). I think changing this will have a positive impact on me. I used to go to the gym 3/4 times a week but since I've had more demands on my time at home, I have not been in well over a year. IA, after Ramadhan, I hope to get back into going to the gym regularily. If anything, the exercise will tire me out and I will fall asleep a lot quicker...
Re: How do I explain to my Pakistani Husband that I have depression..
Barfi, maybe this is a gender issue as well (not just culture clash). Women deal with depression by expressing it emotionally e.g. crying, or discussing things with their friends whereas men tend to bottle it within themselves.
Also, you said you miscarried so has it not effected your husband just as much as you?
My sister had a miscarriage and we were all very upset for her but MashAllah, she knew that Allah had something better in store for her. The key for her was to be patient. Time is a huge enemy of ours but also a great healer.
I really do wish you all the best and as cliched as it is, have trust and faith in Allah only. Prescriptions and therapies are all man made techniques to alleviate the symptoms of depression but only placing your expectations in Allah will help you resolve all your problems. Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) had lost his wife, Hazrat Khadeejah, his uncle who protected him and had no allies yet he fought to conquer the whole of Mecca within 20 years of Islam being revealed. So, trust only Allah and He will give you 10 times more than any medication or therapy can.
Iam sorry to do the mullah rant, but I was weak in my faith and started to read the Quran to help me with wordly pain and depression.
As to the question you posed about your husband being from Pakistan. Sometimes it is a completely new and scary thing for them to deal with. However, communication is key in a successful marriage and you two MashAllah sound like you really love and care for each other. I would suggest booking a getaway for both of you (maybe up to Lake District) and just enjoying each other's company. The constant reminders of the loss of your sister and baby are at home and you need relief. You don't have to do it immediately, but discuss with your hubby that you need some time off from work/home life. What do you think?
InshAllah, I really hope and pray everything works out for you.