How do I explain to my Pakistani Husband that I have depression..

Lifestyle Relationships
1

How do I explain to my Pakistani Husband that I have depression, when such a notion is a foreign subject to Pakistani’s…?

Here in the west, depression is a bona-fide/recognised illness and Dr’s here offer support and medication to provide the sufferer with some relief/respite. In Pakistan, the attitude is generally, “suck it up and get on with things”…

My Husband knows I am down and out and I’ve explained my feelings to him but he seems to think that what I am going through is a 24/48hr thing and I’ll be alright in a few days time. But with depression, that is not the case…

I don’t even know the Urdu equivalent for the word “depression” so I can say to him, “No, I’m not just having a bad patch, I’m depressed!”…

Help please…

2

Re: How do I explain to my Pakistani Husband that I have depression..

What on earth does that have to do with him being a Pakistani? Being considerate to one's depression could vary from person to person, regardless of where they are from. I am sorry but it sounds more like a dumb generalization.

3

Re: How do I explain to my Pakistani Husband that I have depression..

Sorry to hear about your depression. Can I suggest one thing? Make a point of it to push yourself to go out somewhere EVERYDAY, even if it's to a local park / library / shops etc. And make sure u meet people regularly.

Can your husband read english? If so get him a pamphlet to read. I think in UK Dr clinic's you can also get pamphlets printed in urdu about common conditions too, ask your Dr.

4

No, I think barfii has a point, some people in Pakistan do not have any notion of what depression is. It's a similar situation to PMS, alot of men there have no idea it exists!

5

Re: How do I explain to my Pakistani Husband that I have depression..

Make an appointment with a counselor, get a proper diagnosis, then have him come with you and talk to the counselor. Leave it to the professionals to make the case for you. Until then, make sure you don't blame him for your depression, or even hint at it. That might make him defensive and harder for you to drag him to a counselor.

6

The word "some" does make it sound reasonable. My point is that there are quite many people who don't have any notion of what depression is, and not all of them would be Pakistanis. It is a matter of being generally considerate, and acknowledging depression as a problem.

I am sorry I am not of much help here, but I find this "Pakistani" thing quite unnecessary here.

7

Janwaar.. where did I mention that my Husband was inconsiderate to my depression because he was from Pakistan? Please re-read the original post.

I merely stated that because he is not from a Western country, he does not recognise/understand my Western illness..

Rupay, I don't sit at home all day and no nothing. Infact, quite the opposite. I work a full-time job and I have two little nieces to look after too. I'm around loads of people on a daily basis but the only people I say more than two words to are my Husband, Mum, BIL and Nieces. My friends have all married and/or moved away to other countries so I don't really have anyone to talk to.

Good idea about the pamphlet, will try and get one.

**SSH; **I already have a diganosis, well sort of. I've been through this several times before over the last 5-7years. (only been married 16 months)

I don't need a marriage counsellor (if that is what you were referring too). My "issues" are not marriage related. To cut a long stroy short, I've had a miscarriage and I also lost a close sibling last year.

I don't blame him for my depression one bit. I just wish he'd understand why my frame of mind is what it is and that it is beyond my control. It's the depression that is "controlling me", not me.

8

Oh, FFS!! Get off your Soap Box and engage your brain before you think!..

I merely used the word Pakistani, because lo and behold, this is a Pakistani forum..

Maybe you wouldn't be so quick to jump down my (virtual) throat if I had phrased it, my "Eastern Husband doesn't recognise my Western Illness".. But then you being the "janwaar" you are, I wouldn't put it past you!!

9

Re: How do I explain to my Pakistani Husband that I have depression..

I meant mental health professional, obviously. If you have been formally diagnosed, then you should take your husband with you to the counselor and have him/her explain things to your husband. This could be worth a shot.

10

Re: How do I explain to my Pakistani Husband that I have depression..

The notions, “HE is ignorant because he is Pakistani (and generally Pakistanis are ignorant of these issues)” or “he is Pakistani hence ignorant”, or two entirely different point of views. Both Barfii and Janwar have valid reasons, Janwar is objecting the notion “he is Pakistani hence ignorant”. I agree with BArfii on this that most Pakistanis are ignorant of depression & other illnesses like Schizofrenia. For them it is something which leads to total loss of sanity, therefor they feel ashmed and hide it. It has more to do with education & awareness than being Pakistani.

Having said that, I say go with S.S.H’s advice. :k: You don’t have to tell him in advance that you want him to meet counselor, talk to your counselor 1st and ask for his assistance.

11

Re: How do I explain to my Pakistani Husband that I have depression..

sigh..
May allah bring back joy in your life. You got to talk to him more. Not necessarily about your condition, about normal things.

Talking, brings you out of depression sooner. Plus he would(if u r lucky) sense the change(temp) you are going through.

12

Alright jeez I'm sorry I couldn't judge your actual intent from your first post. Opening a thread merely to bash Pakistanis isnt uncommon here. My bad. I hope your situation gets better soon.

Xeno explained it well. Thank you buddy.

13

I do talk to him about how I'm feeling, but he thinks that if I sleep on things, then I will feel better in the morning or that things will get better in time. It doesn't help. He thinks me getting things off my chest is an overnight solution, it's not!

14

It may not be the best situation. Best situation would be him understanging condition like a pro.
But get this, we human being mimic things, feeling, around us. You know Its good in way that he is extremely optimistic. You don't want him to unknowingly mimicking depression. Two ppl suffering from same symptoms wont help the situation at all.

Now if
1-He pays full attention and time when you want to talk.
2-Don't push you too hard into doing thing against your mood.
(like i don't care. I want my break fast on time--kind of thing.)

And yet he doesn't show any signs of gloominess him self.
I would say, he is going to be positive influence in the situation, he is going to bring you out of it for good. Inshallah.

15

Re: How do I explain to my Pakistani Husband that I have depression..

Grab a swiffer duster and smack the crap out of him. OMG...........you will feel better right away and if the problem persist try mop rod instead. Ten minuets of smacking will fine tune him to his most positive approach and helps you vent the depression......:)

16

And why would I want to do that? He's my Husband and somone I love dearly. If this is how you would treat your Wife/Husband, then I feel very sorry for him/her..

Constructive advice welcome.. non-constructive; not so much!!

17

Re: How do I explain to my Pakistani Husband that I have depression..

See..........you are too centralized in your thinking or I should say you are a very serious personality.

You want everything perfect and you stress on every little happening around you.

Loosen yourself.................take it easy. When I said smack him, does that really mean to go and smack him..................no....................you totally ignored the humor part and absorbed the message which was never meant to be absorbed.

Your description indicate what is called "Situational Depression" and is a very common form of depression but not the kind that requires professional help. That is, as long as it doesn't last for weeks on end. There is no "cure" only ways to lesson the impact and perhaps the duration. Hang with positive people. Do things you like to do even if you don't feel like it. Get plenty of sleep, and try to stay busy (not with job or work but with something which is entertaining to your mind ) so you don't dwell on it too much. You will be okay.

Try to evaluate/process information less perfectly. :)

18

Re: How do I explain to my Pakistani Husband that I have depression..

It's not about your hubby being from Pakistan. Mental illnesses are actually very difficult to deal with for family members who have to live with the sick person, maybe he's putting a genuine effort to make you feel better in his own way and telling you you're going to be fine but you're misunderstanding him. In your situation, I think you should seek professional help. It might actually help both of you.

The Hi/Bye Thread
19

I am sure just like you were able to fall in love with this pakistani husband of yours and marry him, you can make him understand your depression too :P All the best. Remember; where there is a will, there is away.

20

WOW, "Dr" nightVison, you made such a detailed diagnosis from a few lines on a thread in a forum; impressive. Dr, is that a bona-fide medical term or something you have just plucked out of thin air?

Of course I didn't believe you were literal in your advice as it was obvious that it was meant in humour, but frankly, right now, I am not in a humourous mood.

This is a serious thread asking for sincere advice. It starts off with someone making a joke and then three pages later, people are still responding to your joke and thread has been diverted from it's purpose.

I can take a joke as well as the next guy, but there's a time and a place and this is neither..

Time Pass... Feb 2014
Time Pass... Feb 2014