I’ve never upset an adult before. He is upset that I do not call/don’t really appear on Skype when everyone else is skyping etc. We have a great relationship when he actually visits (lives in Pakistan) - he’s my FIL, but really…I see him just like my dad. I’m just not the type of person who calls or Skype’s a lot and I’m a full-time student so it’s always hectic. When we do talk, we talk for ages and it’s always nice - joke around, blah blah. But anyways…I feel terrible. He was angry at me while on Skype today - he said stuff like “I always have to call you to come by the laptop and talk to us and I let it go before, but now you’ve crossed my limit”.
Anyways, how do I apologize? =/ I don’t want him to feel like I don’t care - it’s just…I feel awkward on Skype.
I think you should just tell him how much he means to you and you not skyping is nothing that stems from arrogance or any form of ill feelibg but the fact that you simply are busy with school and work. Tell him it was never your intention to make him feel like you were insulting him and you will make an effort for skyping more. He will melt like butter on a hot toast!! Maybe you can skype ur apology and just be honest!! Honesty works!!
Or you can just email him the link to this thread!! Good luck!!!
I didn't say anything, I was completely silent. It kind of started off as him saying, "Its polite to just come by and say hey..." and then trailed into him saying I crossed the line etc. I was kind of in shock that he felt that way, so I stayed quiet.
Thanks, @Deviliciousss.
I'm just hesitant cos I've never had an adult say something to me about lacking in manners or whatever it is. I'm always the golden kid when it comes to adults. Apologizing to your siblings, cousins or friends is different cos you just say 'dude sorry forget about it' lol
Just tell him you're busy why can't he be an adult about it and understand?
I thought this initially, but...he's older than me. I felt like I should have been more available and called him. It's been 6 months since his last visit, he's not at fault...I am. I should have done my job as his DIL.
Just apologize and try to get on skype with him. It will feel awkward…I don’t like chatting online or skyping but sometimes its a must to make people happy.
Plus, its sweet that he wants to talk to you so much. He cares.
"Plus, its sweet that he wants to talk to you so much. He cares."
I think that is the bottom line. If I were you, I would not say a thing about being busy - it will come across as you are too busy to even come to the laptop. As you stated at the very end "I feel awkward on Skype."
IMO, that is the main reason for your not going to the laptop. He has to call you each time - and that can be hurtful if your FIL thinks you are not reciprocating his warmth.
So I would just be honest and say "you are really very uncomfortable with Skype, and that is the ONLY reason you have not been coming to the laptop. But you understand why this would be hurtful to him. So in future, you will always go the laptop and speak with him. And that you will do it because you really do like spending time chatting with him."
uh but thats not the reason.. o.Othe reason she hasn't been able to skype is because she's been busy with school and work. How hard is that to understand? you could talk to your in laws once a week or a month just make sure you make the time to do it and live up to that promise.
I don't see why you would think you're at fault solely because you are being responsible, studying and working. Your father in law should respect that you are trying to make something of your life and even though that means you are much busier than before that you can't talk on skype or email that doesn't mean that you are trying to avoid or neglect him.
I see you want to compromise but really theres nothing much you can do when you're busy with school, work and maintaining your household. You need time for yourself and as I said before if you really love talking to your in laws you should set a date aside to call them or talk to them even once a month should be more than enough...
Thanks, @Deviliciousss .
I'm just hesitant cos I've never had an adult say something to me about lacking in manners or whatever it is. I'm always the golden kid when it comes to adults. Apologizing to your siblings, cousins or friends is different cos you just say 'dude sorry forget about it' lol
Welcome!! I think elders want to feel needed and important and they want a little bit of our attention... Give the brotha a lil love!! Hehe
@kakee - IMHO, when people are already talking on Skype, tocome uninvited on her own accord and speak for even just 1minute would make FIL's dil khush. I dont believe this is about quantity of time - it is about FIL getting the impression that unless he calls Punk to tha laptop, she wont bother to come.
At least that is how I say the situation. A little bit of kindnes towards elders (esp those who are showing initiative to be affectionate) will not come in the way of either school or home.
@kakee - IMHO, when people are already talking on Skype, tocome uninvited on her own accord and speak for even just 1minute would make FIL's dil khush. I dont believe this is about quantity of time - it is about FIL getting the impression that unless he calls Punk to tha laptop, she wont bother to come.
At least that is how I say the situation. A little bit of kindnes towards elders (esp those who are showing initiative to be affectionate) will not come in the way of either school or home.
Of course its not but she said she talks for a long time. I'm sure she is kind to her elders its just that she doesn't have time AT THE MOMENT. She's not being selfish to do so just needs to balance it out and call once in a while. again set a date that you both agree and skype etc on that day I don't see how that would be a problem?
I got a simple solution... get I CALL Pakistan .. call from your cellphone anytime anywhere : D.... call him 3 times a week ...dude will be so happy will send tons of duas etc...
@kakee - IMHO, when people are already talking on Skype, tocome uninvited on her own accord and speak for even just 1minute would make FIL's dil khush. I dont believe this is about quantity of time - it is about FIL getting the impression that unless he calls Punk to tha laptop, she wont bother to come.
At least that is how I say the situation. A little bit of kindnes towards elders (esp those who are showing initiative to be affectionate) will not come in the way of either school or home.
"Plus, its sweet that he wants to talk to you so much. He cares."
I think that is the bottom line. If I were you, I would not say a thing about being busy - it will come across as you are too busy to even come to the laptop. As you stated at the very end "I feel awkward on Skype."
IMO, that is the main reason for your not going to the laptop. He has to call you each time - and that can be hurtful if your FIL thinks you are not reciprocating his warmth.
So I would just be honest and say "you are really very uncomfortable with Skype, and that is the ONLY reason you have not been coming to the laptop. But you understand why this would be hurtful to him. So in future, you will always go the laptop and speak with him. And that you will do it because you really do like spending time chatting with him."
Bas, khalaas.
You got it spot-on. That's exactly how he feels - that unless he has to say something, I really don't care about him being there....which is not the case at all.
