seriously girls get rejected cos if height?????????????
Oh Yes, we used to have people call and ask "we want the girl to be more than 5 feet 6 inches". If your daughter is more than that we will come, otherwise not. Whetether or not teh girl has to bring in the tea trolley, she does have to comein the room and "be seen". That's awful. If one is tan/dusky than that's a big no no in teh arranged rishta world.
Re: How did your rishta come about?
Ive had some pretty interesting rejections myself...but it doesnt really bother me. You would think it might but I guess there are so many fish in the sea, I cant really feel hopeless. :)
come on now girls. i see plenty of tannedédusky girls getting married.
Obviously they do, but its hrader to get married in an arranged marraige kind of set up if you are tan. Usuusaly if its a love marraige or cousin marriage etc these things don't matter as much.Otherwise the ristah ladies ask you before coming, "color kaisa hay"?
Re: How did your rishta come about?
yes i agree in the whole arranged marriage set-up it is harder to get a rishta if the girl is tanned/sanwali....cuz of the obsession our culture has with "fairness". My mom gotta rishta for me but rejected it cuz the istikhara didnt really turn out. SO she told the aunty that she knows another girl...the first thing the aunty asked my mom was is the girl fair? My mom said shes sanwali and the aunty said no right away! Shes like my son is fair i dont want a sanwali girl and neither does my son!
I personally find this whole rishta tea trolley thing we do so weird! The first rishta that i got my mom didnt even tell me...they were friends of a family friend and they came over and my mom said they came to visit....the guy was sittin in the living room and his rents were sitting in the formal sittin room with my rents...i came downstairs to say sallam and went to the kitchen to get something...meanwhile mr.potential was checkin me out and i was like wth! After they left i saw the nice mithai they bought...and like the dumbass that i am i said infront of my family wow what a nice basket! My mom then told me after 2 days they came for my rishta!! I was a lil pissed that my mom neva told me...but i guess if she wudve told me i wudve been nervous! But i dont like that i was being analyzed in this way!
Now cuz im at the marriagable age i get rishtas wenever i go to some sort of social gathering...aunties comin up to me...its jus a lil too much....
Maybe cuz ive been brought up in the west i rather find someone on my own...or maybe im really naive and wanna go thru the whole indian movie "love at first sight kinda thing"....lol....
but anywho...gotta another rishta proposal the aunty sposed to email the guys pic...lets see wat happens...
sometimes life's a b$&*#.
It is yes - but I find all of this amusing more than anything else.
.
Re: How did your rishta come about?
laterz
Re: How did your rishta come about?
Hmmmm me and my husband was love - actually we tehnically havent got married yet, but we have done Nikah so i call him my husband. I have never been through any of those stuff that all the girls here seem to have gone through tea trolley and stuff like that. It doesnt work with us Pathans, its different. Usually its only arranged marriages and I, you can say am an exception, because me and my cousin wanted to marry each other, we fell in love.
Re: How did your rishta come about?
Ok in my case, my wife made the first move! She approached me. We were good friends, and since I wasnt sure, I declined marriage initially. However, our friendship remained, though on and off, and over the years, I realized that we were good together, and would be even better as a couple.
Then over the course of time, I warmed up to the idea, and then formally sent my folks to her place for a rishta. I made one visit to her house before marriage, where she came and sat in the living room (while a bunch of other people were there as well). We never talked, and dont think we saw each other on that day either (other than me sneaking that lone peek). I was pretending to be shareef, and she was pretending to be sharmeeli.
No tea trolley, no nothing. It was after marriage that I found out that the roast chicken that I had on that day was made by her:D
I wish I had eaten more of the chicken!
all these are really cute stories, all ur posts are letting me think wat will i do when his parents will come to my home for the first time,me too getting nervous wen thing abt it, i dont like this tea trolly thing 
since it will ba a love marriage Inshallah, and the guy is mature and independent enough to take his decisions on his own, but still a formality of meeting parents is lieft, his parents will be coming to my home to meet my parents and asking my hand for him.
how am gonna behave, i feel like hiding behind the curtains 
lolzzz
No it aint .. Thats how me Ristah came :pcg:
Just be yourself and they’ll be sure to love you, it’ll be awkward at first, but at least you can be confident in the faact that at least he already loves you 
aww thanks dear for making me feel confident, hope things will work gud but awkword in starting, 
Re: How did your rishta come about?
^yes, the first meetings are very nerve racking and awkward, tomatoe faces, hands shaking, not walking properly lol stares, stares and more stares, and i think tht's wat expected of u, to be nervous and all, u dont wanna come across too confident if ya know wat i mean....good luck~
Re: How did your rishta come about?
i understand it being bad, the guys family coming over the girl's to eat and have a trolley parade and then refuse the girl.. they got nothing to lose..
'
BUT.. i just dont understand how the girl's family can think its a normal procedure for a stranger and his family to come and gawk at their girl and on top of that.. to FEED them??? if a girl's parents arent gonna care bout their daughter's emotions, dont expect a strangers family to
i was getting rishtas from a very early age and by the time i did get married, i had lost count.. just wayy too many.. BUT, my father never everr allowed any to come to our house and check me out except for once... dad would talk to the guy's dad on the phone, get all the info.. and well.. thats where it would die mostly.. cuz things just never clicked.. either for them or for us.. but if the info seemed ok.. pics would be exchanged, again, mine was only given once.. we always asked for the guy's pic FIRST.... my dad would talk to them in a way that they would realize how sensitive a girl is in this process and some wouldnt mind at all even though initially they would say 'aray yeh kia baath hai, hum kiu pehlay tasveer dein.. aap bhi tho apni larki dikhain* etc etc.. hehe... but like i said.. my dad would talk in such a way that they would understand... ofcourse there were some who would say why waste time talking on the phone and then exhanging pics etc.. why cant we just come over to your house and talk things out huh? .. my dad would simply say.. becuase you arent the only ones interested.. how many viewings of my daughter will i put on everyday of the week???
ho hum... our family friends thought we were crazy and aisay tho hochuki apki beti ki shaadi, koi larkay walay bardasht nahi kerthay itnay nakhray larki walo kay etc etc.. but my parents kept their stand and i love them for that... i felt like more than a piece of meat that they could come and gawk at.. thinking me worthy of marriage based on looks and not what was in my head... not many parents do that for their daugthers.. but mine did. their thinking was god made someone for everyone, and he has also specified a time for it to happen.. so why do we have to go crazy doing silly things like chai parade and bending over backwards showing our girl off to every tom dick and harry just to get her married.. hona hoga jub, hojayega .. and that is exactly how it did happen.. out of the blue :)
finally when i did get married.. it was to exactly the kind of guy i had wished for, and a family in law that treated me from teh get go, like a HUMAN.
my mom is now looking for my brother and girls families find it so so odd when she says i want to talk to you on the phone first and get some info.. they suggest it themselves that no, you should come and meet us at our home and check out our girl at the same go to which my mom will never agree to.. everyone has requirements be they the boy or the girl, isnt it always better to get that outta the way first rather than not knowing jack and just goin to the girls house and eating their food and looking at the girl and saying no... when it all could have been avoided beforehand saving the poor girl and her folks the time and the emotions??
but mom is realizing she's fighting an ancient tradition and so she has now suggested meetings at a cafe or something.. the looks she gets are really funny, from what she tells, but she isnt worrying.. just like things worked out for me, with my emotions and self worth intact, she knows thats how it will be for my bro too...
did i just derail the thread?
Re: How did your rishta come about?
khawateen - I agree with you about the trolley dolly thing. Its not right for people to come over and gawk and girls, eat and then leave and then reject!!! How bad is that! In our people this doesnt happen at all. Usually what happnes is that parents talk on phone, maybe, just maybe, a photo might be exchanged and thats it! If its a cousin-cousin relationship sometimes is just a given that two cousins will marry when they get older. Its a done deal. None of this trolley dolly nonsense, parading the girl to complete strangers. actually here was the first time i heard about it and i was shocked, didnt say anything though, didnt want to offend anyone.
Re: How did your rishta come about?
Hey Khawateen, I can relate. My dad's never allowed our pics to circulate anywhere in the community. None of us sisters have ever done the tea-trolly parade yet, either. I also plan on doing it ONCE - inshAllah - if things work out. :)
I like our dads' ways of doing things :)
Re: How did your rishta come about?
logoon ko haram khaney kee aadat ho gaee hai. I have heard about few khawateen jin k maqsad hee ja ker mufta khana hai...rishta wishta nahi kerna hota hai unheen. I couldn't believe it.
Worst part is that its normally "mother, sister and aunts" of the guy who want to go and stuff their tummies ( and check the girl out btw). They always forget that they did (or their daugher can) face the same situation.
khawateen - I agree with you about the trolley dolly thing. Its not right for people to come over and gawk and girls, eat and then leave and then reject!!! How bad is that! In our people this doesnt happen at all. Usually what happnes is that parents talk on phone, maybe, just maybe, a photo might be exchanged and thats it! If its a cousin-cousin relationship sometimes is just a given that two cousins will marry when they get older. Its a done deal. None of this trolley dolly nonsense, parading the girl to complete strangers. actually here was the first time i heard about it and i was shocked, didnt say anything though, didnt want to offend anyone.
In some communities where they intermarry these things happen less or not at all. But in others where they also marry outsiders it does. Funny thing is the women are pickier about the girl's looks than the groom is! Go figure!!