I’m getting married in almost six months.. And it’s been months I’ve been sad about it. I feel so so attached to my family and love my lifestyle. I don’t want it to be changed. I’m not sure if the new house will be as comfortable as this since there’s no place like your parents home right?
So how did you all move on from this depression? Not being there when your dad got home every night? Not being there for your parents.. I’d want to be here for them cause they are old..
Does this get better post marriage? How do I cope with it? My friends were super happy before getting married.. My in laws are good people esp my husband. My father in law has controlling issues and my mother in law is a bit biased but she’s very good otherwise. Never taunted at me or said anything bad to me.. But it’s not my home. It’s not my family. Why can’t I live here forever…
I keep thinking..would I have to take permission to meet my parents?should I?
Re: How did you guys feel the way I do? How did you move on?
Will you be living with your in laws?
If you have a great relationship with your parents then it's not the same living with in laws, no matter how nice they are. I'm not saying it's depressing, it's just not the same as being with your parents because obviously no one can replace your parents.
How far away are your parents going to be? You don't need permission to visit your parents. From the beginning of the marriage, just tell your husband that you will be visiting your parents on such and such date. You can be considerate of events or appointments on that date and change your plans. But you don't need anyone's PERMISSION to visit your own parents, you're a grown woman. Behave like a grown woman from the beginning and they will hopefully treat you like one. Respect them and expect to be respected.
I didn't have too much depression before the wedding. I was a little sad about leaving and moving far away from my parents. But at the same time, it was a love marriage and I was going to be living with only my husband in a new apartment and I was excited about that.
Re: How did you guys feel the way I do? How did you move on?
Have you ever lived away from your parents for university or work? In the future if you get a great opportunity for a career in a far away state or country would you refuse unless your parents move their entire lives with you?
Most people have had to think about or act upon these issues before marriage so moving away with the husband is just another move in this list of changes that occur when you grow up.
Re: How did you guys feel the way I do? How did you move on?
Sorry for being blunt but i think you need to grow up. Your parents are your parents, being with them your who life in sense of comfort will never change. But as time goes by, you need to adjust with new people. It is part of being growing up. My parents didn't even like my wife when i got married. But she gave them respect. Often at her own expense. She cried to me when my mom was mean to her. But she never disrespected them. And now, she is their favourite DIL. And my parents think that i have made best decision to marry her. So be patient and there will be time you will be frustrated. Don't let this get to you. Every family have issues. 1st 2 years of marriage is basically difficult. So stay put.
Re: How did you guys feel the way I do? How did you move on?
Sorry for being blunt but i think you need to grow up. Your parents are your parents, being with them your who life in sense of comfort will never change. But as time goes by, you need to adjust with new people. It is part of being growing up. My parents didn't even like my wife when i got married. But she gave them respect. Often at her own expense. She cried to me when my mom was mean to her. But she never disrespected them. And now, she is their favourite DIL. And my parents think that i have made best decision to marry her. So be patient and there will be time you will be frustrated. Don't let this get to you. Every family have issues. 1st 2 years of marriage is basically difficult. So stay put.
I understand that it's the start years that are tough.. Sure I've heard my mom's stories and everyone's of how they were mistreated and denied basic right. But I don't believe in someone treating me badly.i think I deserve the same level of rights and respect as my husband does. Esp when my husband happily gives them to me.. And then my in laws interfere?
I give his parents alot of respect I've never been rude to them (jethani has been very rude) I've cried to my husband alot of times but never showed it to them.. But In future I won't tolerate them telling me I can't meet my parents. Or my friends. When their son can go anywhere I can do. If they have an issue start imposing it on their son. Not baho.
Re: How did you guys feel the way I do? How did you move on?
Have you ever lived away from your parents for university or work? In the future if you get a great opportunity for a career in a far away state or country would you refuse unless your parents move their entire lives with you?
Most people have had to think about or act upon these issues before marriage so moving away with the husband is just another move in this list of changes that occur when you grow up.
It'll be the first time in 25 years I'll be away from my parents. My parents are very loving.. We have a friendly relationship.. We r close and I've never had fights with them.
Re: How did you guys feel the way I do? How did you move on?
Will you be living with your in laws?
If you have a great relationship with your parents then it's not the same living with in laws, no matter how nice they are. I'm not saying it's depressing, it's just not the same as being with your parents because obviously no one can replace your parents.
How far away are your parents going to be? You don't need permission to visit your parents. From the beginning of the marriage, just tell your husband that you will be visiting your parents on such and such date. You can be considerate of events or appointments on that date and change your plans. But you don't need anyone's PERMISSION to visit your own parents, you're a grown woman. Behave like a grown woman from the beginning and they will hopefully treat you like one. Respect them and expect to be respected.
I didn't have too much depression before the wedding. I was a little sad about leaving and moving far away from my parents. But at the same time, it was a love marriage and I was going to be living with only my husband in a new apartment and I was excited about that.
I will be living with my father in law only. The rest lives abroad due to nationality. I guess you may be the only person understanding but I'm afraid they'll ask me why I'm going and I shouldn't as this is my house now.. We r the new parents.
Re: How did you guys feel the way I do? How did you move on?
No I'm not my dad's little princess.. Im not spoiled or pampered. I earn myself and support my parents as well as they're old.
Its not like I've lead a very easy life but my life has taught me who I should care or and who I should not. And my parents are the only people worth it along with husband and siblings.
I can't expect my in laws to love me like I'm their daughter so they should not expect me to be their daughter either
Re: How did you guys feel the way I do? How did you move on?
No I'm not my dad's little princess.. Im not spoiled or pampered. I earn myself and support my parents as well as they're old.
Its not like I've lead a very easy life but my life has taught me who I should care or and who I should not. And my parents are the only people worth it along with husband and siblings.
I can't expect my in laws to love me like I'm their daughter so they should not expect me to be their daughter either
Just because you support yourself doesn't mean you can't be daddy's little princess!
I am and always will be a mama's boy. It is what it is.
What I was trying to articulate was that you need to move on to the next chapter of your life. Look ahead, don't look back.
Re: How did you guys feel the way I do? How did you move on?
Indo need to grow up and move on.. Im jus not able to find the courage to.. Hence I'm here. Everytime I'm sad and crying my sister tells me how lucky I am to have a loving husband. Caring in laws..no financial stress.. But still I'm sad deep inside.
Yes it's his first marriage and mine too if that's what you meant.
Re: How did you guys feel the way I do? How did you move on?
Disclaimer I'm having a love marriage.
I'm getting married in almost six months.. And it's been months I've been sad about it. I feel so so attached to my family and love my lifestyle. I don't want it to be changed. I'm not sure if the new house will be as comfortable as this since there's no place like your parents home right?
So how did you all move on from this depression? Not being there when your dad got home every night? Not being there for your parents.. I'd want to be here for them cause they are old..
Does this get better post marriage? How do I cope with it? My friends were super happy before getting married.. My in laws are good people esp my husband. My father in law has controlling issues and my mother in law is a bit biased but she's very good otherwise. Never taunted at me or said anything bad to me.. But it's not my home. It's not my family. Why can't I live here forever....
I keep thinking..would I have to take permission to meet my parents?should I?
In the beginning you feel completely displaced...like someone picked you up and put you somewhere you don't belong.
And for a while it seems like NOWHERE aside from your mom and dad's home could possibly feel like home.
Then...after a few months you make your place in your new home. Your bathroom, your room, your belongings have a new place and you start to get comfortable.
It doesn't feel like this will ever happen though when you leave your parents' house. But it does and one day all of a sudden you start to miss your home and not your parents'. That day you've come full circle and basically are doing what your mom is doing.
Keep in mind though that the only way this will happen is if you keep an open mind and allow things to take their course naturally.
Re: How did you guys feel the way I do? How did you move on?
I think whats bothering you is the fact that you wont be living with your parents anymore. Its clear you love them very much.
You cant live with your parents forever and believe me they wont be happy if you do. So just think about it this way. Your parents must be so happy that you are getting married.
Re: How did you guys feel the way I do? How did you move on?
Unless you're moving halfway across the world in an age where technology and transport aren't developed, I don't see any reason to be feeling this depressed. :-/
