After I heard this story about some family friends I was honestly appalled by the parent’s behavior.
A daughter of a family friend went off to university where she met this guy with whom she eventually developed a relationship with. She decided to go back home and tell her parents about marrying this guy; she was immediately disowned from the family because she ended up marrying him. Now she’s married to him, and not allowed to comeback home or speak to her younger siblings, the last time she saw her family was about 5 years ago. The guy comes from a very good family and is quiet successful, and now they even have a baby boy. The family has disowned the girl to the existent that they don’t even acknowledge her existents.
Recently the second daughter was arranged to marry some guy from the family, the only reason she agreed was because, she told her parents she would marry who ever they wanted her to as long as the disowned sister could come to the wedding. All along the parents told her that indeed she could come to the wedding, The nikkah day come and the parents told the sister who was about to get married that oh your sister will be late and can only make it to the vilma. After the nikkah was done and over with the parents told her that she should have understood, when they disowned their daughter they disowned her for life, and she will not be coming to the wedding and no one is allowed to have contact with her. So basically the second sister made this sacrifice just to see her sister, and the parents played her.
I just don’t understand why any parent would do this?I’m a strong believer in respecting not only my parents but other parents as well, but what can you say about the parents of this girl? Is it so wrong what she did?
I have a couple of questions? was the guy a non-muslim ?and why didn't the sister try to contact the sister herself? I m sure she did? How could she just put that thought to a side thinking that parents must have called her I mean didn't she wanna talk to her sister before the Nikkah.
I think the second daughter deserved what she got. It was very stoopid of her to tie her marriage (one of life's serious decision) to her sister attending it. What a moron.
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*Originally posted by funguy: *
I think the second daughter deserved what she got. It was very stoopid of her to tie her marriage (one of life's serious decision) to her sister attending it. What a moron.
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When I read it, seemed as if the first post is more about the misery of the first daughter rather then the second. I agree with funguy that for a girl to marry someone just so she can see her sister in the ceremony (and then not even bothering to invite her or talk to her) is unusual behavior (I am using the word "unusual" rather flatteringly).
However, as far as the first sister is concerned, I just can't understand how an educated set of parents can ever let the situation get so bad and disown their own child for marrying on her own. This is just so stupid.
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*Originally posted by belle: *
The guy is a Pakistani and a muslim, this particular family just does not marry outside of the family.
The sister did try to contact her but i think the parents have given her serious threats.
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that is just too hard to believe if they live in the same city there are many ways they could have kept in touch. hard to believe
Fungo there are many girls out there who dont care who they are marrying.Uniting with her sister could be more important to her than her own marriage . I m not surprised seen it . to some of us it may seem stupid but such cases do exist
look outside the pretty world
Well, I reckon that the second daughter should have married a guy of her own choice just like her sister did and infact all of their kids should do that so in the end when the parents had disowned all their kids, they would have realised their mistake and asked all of them to come back & stay with them in their old age.
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*Originally posted by funguy: *
I think the second daughter deserved what she got. It was very stoopid of her to tie her marriage (one of life's serious decision) to her sister attending it. What a moron.
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Sometimes siblings do crazy things for each other, part of her agreeing to the arranged marriage had to do with her trying to cover up for her family.
I think you have to realize that these are the type of people that are so (i don't what to call them) traditional that they are brainwashed into either picking family or being disowned.
All result of living on a "hindu" land. They cant seem to differentiate between Islamic teachings of recognising an adult daughter's rights and what they adopted from those jahil, pagan hindu "heritage".
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*Originally posted by belle: *
I think you have to realize that these are the type of people that are so (i don't what to call them) traditional that they are brainwashed into either picking family or being disowned.
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*Originally posted by mahnoor@lahore: *
that is just too hard to believe if they live in the same city there are many ways they could have kept in touch. hard to believe
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They don't live in the same city, i think the girls call each other when the parents are away, but do you honestly think with crazy parents like that they would risk trying to keep in touch.
Well, what was she scared of.... (from her parents??)
Why couldnt she make it clear to them that SHE WANTED TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH HER SISTER NO MATTER WHAT???
She must be a chicken!!! No use complaining now
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*Originally posted by belle: *
They don't live in the same city, i think the girls call each other when the parents are away, but do you honestly think with crazy parents like that they would risk trying to keep in touch.
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They don't live in the same city, i think the girls call each other when the parents are away, but do you honestly think with crazy parents like that they would risk trying to keep in touch.
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belle its still too hard to believe where does this family reside?pakistan? The reason is my sister was in Islamabad for educational purposes for couple of years and I talked to her every single day and parents didn't even know. I mean they never asked and if they asked I would tell them.Couldn't they e-mail each other? telephone?
yar , Its hard for me to believe they didn't keep in touch and even if they did in such a manner
Their from the NWFP, I gues you guys aren't familar with that area but their are some really extremely traditional people there who have extreme control over their kids.
The sisters did have contact over the phone,the parents have threatend her physically if she tries to visit back home. I know its hard to believe but that's how it is.
I wonder what still kept the second sister there under these circumstances.
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*Originally posted by belle: *
The sisters did have contact over the phone,the parents have threatend her physically if she tries to visit back home. I know its hard to believe but that's how it is.
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There is another family I know of who accepted their daughter after she married a guy of her choice over one of her cousins but they refuse to let the girls husband in their house. So the girl goes to visit her family and they guy drops her off and hungs around or she just goes alone... How screwed up is that!!!
Very screwed up FF. I know of a family where the son went against the parents wishes and married a black girl. Yes, that's right, a black girl. The parents refuse to invite them over to any gatherings or events. They do go over to visit them at their house though. The parents of the guy tell everybody that their son married a spanish woman. One day whilst at our house, the father broke down and yelled at his wife to stop lying and admitted the son married a black girl and how ashamed they are. sigh
