How common is it for the guys and their families to chose a girl almost the same age as of the guy for marriage in an arranged marriages set-up.
my mom friend’s daughter is 32 years of age and have got a proposal of the guy who is 33 years. the proposal came via rishta aunty and seems fine but my mom’s friend is really skeptical about the proposal saying that it is so strange that the guy and family have agreed to a girl who is nearly the same age as a guy. she says that people are always looking and prefer to marry the girl who is atleast 4-5 years younger if not more. the girl was refused many times on this very reason even by the guys who were 7-8 years older by her.they all wanted someone in their early to mid twenties.
So now that she has finally got one proposal where everything seems fine, the mother is skeptical because of the guy’s age saying there must be some issue with the guy which they are hiding and because of that they are agreeing to marry the older girl with no age difference as such. Also since the rishta does not come from her family or her circle and that it comes via rishta aunty is making her more doubtful. She says the rishta seems too good to be true.
my mom and her other friends are trying to persuade her that since there was nothing shaky found about the guy or the family, she must believe her stars and go ahead with it and that there are still people who are not going after younger girls for their sons.
so what do you all think, is my mom’s friend getting paranoid over this or could she be right in her concerns.? should my mom keep trying to make her understand to accept the proposal or she should stop?
Re: How common is it for a guy to marry a girl same age in an arranged marriage
“Too good to be true”…? It’s okay to want a really, really good thing for your daughter…provided that there are no causes for alarm…or would she feel more at peace if her daughter was married to a guy that was more resistant and had some obvious faults?
What does the daughter want? Does she like the guy? Is she happy with the rishta? Has a thorough investigation been done? Are there any other concerns (job, family, health, etc etc) besides the age being the same? Maybe these points need to be brought up with the aunti. Tell her to talk to her daughter and to see what the majority opinion/recommendation is of the people she trusts among family and friends.
Re: How common is it for a guy to marry a girl same age in an arranged marriage
Really? I would hope it's more common. Technically girls live longer than boys so shouldn't they marry someone younger?I think it's about as common as common sense in our societies which may not be so common at all. It's quite logical to marry someone the same age who will have similar experiences and understanding. Maybe he is a decent guy and he realises age is just a number. Maybe he can relate to the girl more than the 20 something girls. Maybe he is a modern guy and prefers older females to younger ones.
i don't think she should be paranoid. Maybe do a background search on the families if it is really troubling her.
Re: How common is it for a guy to marry a girl same age in an arranged marriage
Its not uncommon at all in arranged marriage case to be same age or even girl be a little older from guy, if thats the only issue then dont worry about it however, if it does look too good to be true for other reasons as well then she should be careful.
Re: How common is it for a guy to marry a girl same age in an arranged marriage
Hmm… IRL **very few **guys mind a few yrs +/- Its only on GS i hear abt guys wanting to marry only 20 yr old and tht too from females.
I even know of a guy who is good looking, MBBS and well spoken he had no problem with a rishta where the girl was at least 4 yrs older than him and this isnt the only one i know.
Re: How common is it for a guy to marry a girl same age in an arranged marriage
Yeah, I’ve observed that as well. Most guys I know or went to school with married classmates or girls within their circle who were around the same age.
I don’t know anyone who married someone much younger than themselves. I’m the only one in my circle to marry someone a bit older (8 years older) and people found that unusual rather than the norm.
Re: How common is it for a guy to marry a girl same age in an arranged marriage
Like in any potential scenario where match maker is involved, get a proper background check done. Don't just rely on the details provided. And after that, pray for the best. Age difference (or not) is a personal preference, which means it varies from individual to individual. You cannot make a life long decision based on statistics.
Re: How common is it for a guy to marry a girl same age in an arranged marriage
Nothing strange about it! Yes most want a much bigger gap but then there are some peoplewho don't give much weight to age. Maybe something in that girl or her family stands out for them to ignore any such thing.
who knows. It could be anything! As long as everything seems ok they should give if a chance.
Re: How common is it for a guy to marry a girl same age in an arranged marriage
I agree - the only place I hear huge age differences condoned is here. Even the community where I grew up and the families I know in Pakistan - couples are about the same age. I might know of one exception I think amongst my cousins. She couldn't get a rishta so she accepted someone older than her comfort zone.
Re: How common is it for a guy to marry a girl same age in an arranged marriage
I think some people will look for something to be suspicious/paranoid/upset about, no matter what. Accept that they've found someone decent who is a good match and be thankful for it. Now they should avoid doing things that will unnecessarily cause doubts and threaten the couple's happiness.
Rather than trying to make generalizations, they should get to know the guy and family. InshAllah it will work out for the best.
Re: How common is it for a guy to marry a girl same age in an arranged marriage
I think some people will look for something to be suspicious/paranoid/upset about, no matter what. Accept that they've found someone decent who is a good match and be thankful for it. Now they should avoid doing things that will unnecessarily cause doubts and threaten the couple's happiness.
Rather than trying to make generalizations, they should get to know the guy and family. InshAllah it will work out for the best.
Sometimes it isn't people looking for reasons to be "suspicious/paranoid/upset" though....sometimes, your gut feeling is right and you should follow it. My cousin recently got left at the altar (literally) because we thought the family was decent and decided to ignore some unfounded misgivings we had...
Re: How common is it for a guy to marry a girl same age in an arranged marriage
Sometimes it isn't people looking for reasons to be "suspicious/paranoid/upset" though....sometimes, your gut feeling is right and you should follow it. My cousin recently got left at the altar (literally) because we thought the family was decent and decided to ignore some unfounded misgivings we had...
That's true. I've seen this too.
But if there isn't the gut feeling, just that someone isn't motivated by the expected prejudices, then maybe we should be accepting of (and happy about!) that.
Re: How common is it for a guy to marry a girl same age in an arranged marriage
I think worrying about the age/age-gap is silly. They should do a background check and then have a talk about their goals, aspirations, values, careers etc. Most of the times, this should sort it out for her. If still confused, perform istikhara. ( please please please tell her not to delegate istikhara to some maulana or baba )
Re: How common is it for a guy to marry a girl same age in an arranged marriage
^Literally left at the alter?
'That's awful..
Yeah...that's the kind of thing you only expect to happen at movies... but some **** went down right before the wedding. The in-laws called and said they'd missed their flight into town for whatever reason, but said they would take the next available one. But on the wedding day, they never showed...
I won't share the details of what went down, but they had a near miss with this one...
I would definitely agree with what previous posters have said about doing the istikhaara though. It's not supposed to tell you what the right decision to make is. But doing it gives you the reassurance that whatever happens will happen for the best (as was the case here).
