how come relationships/weddings..

Lifestyle Relationships
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Hi, how come people in our society give such big importance to degree (mainly doctors, lawyers) when it comes to relationships or weddings? Be it parents or the kids. Why do we think doctors/lawyers are better than someone who doesn’t have a degree? I understand doctors/lawyers make good money and they have higher status in our society but doesn’t mean it will end in happy marriage. I understand value/importance of money plays in our lives but to me money is only important as much as one needs in his/her life. In the past i have seen some really good people with high values/morals get rejected b/c they didn’t had a degree or didn’t make as much money. While there are guys who go to clubs, drink, date girls etc are getting good proposals just b/c they are doctors and make good money. I guess what i am trying to ask is why people just assume someone with higher education is better than someone who doesn’t? Shouldn’t marriage be based on values, morals, character etc rather than education and social status? Why people who work at hmm lets say warehouses, drive cabs etc are looked down upon? when they could be very hard working, honest, caring, giving, religious, etc than someone who has a doctor degree. I often hear desi talk bad about people who work at 7 11, macs (pretty much low paying jobs) even if that person has the most amazing heart.

As a guy i wouldn’t want someone to be interested in me b/c i have money. As a man who has never been in clubs, toughed alcohol, drugs, women etc i would much rather want a girl/family who likes me for my character rather than anything i might have at that time (degree/money). Even my ma is like must get a degree to get a good girl.
Why are desi so focused on degree and money when it comes to marriage?

P.S just in case you are wondering, no i don’t work at 7 11 or anything like that.

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Re: how come relationships/weddings..

*I think it just comes with being material about life. Degree=good money=happiness=no divorce=happy children as ridiculous as that logic is. *

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Re: how come relationships/weddings..

Probably because you have lesser "unknowns" and "surprises." For example an uneducated guy may struggle with his career, he may not have a stable income, he may be frustrated as a result...all factors a parent thinks for their daughter's future.

Definitely it doesn't guarantee a successful marriage but perhaps it minimizes fear?

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Re: how come relationships/weddings..

lahori it just comes down to the fact that parents want their kids to be happy in the end.

They reckon if the guy is in a hi-fi job, he must be earning money, hence he can keep their daughter happy finacially. For them, the financial security is the main thing.

things are changing though. Parents are realising that not only doctors and lawyers make good money. These days, a fresh IT graduate may be making the same money as a fresh doctor, or even more.. who knows.

I dont even know what the big deal is about being an engineer... but i guess back in the old days, being an engineer was a huge thing.

In regards to being a lawyer.. go to pakistan or india.. noone thinks anything of law. Seriously. I had a friend who was studying law whilst her sister was a doctor... everyone thought she must have been the dumb one in the family... hello, it takes the same amount of grades to get into law as it does to get into med.

So yeah... depends on where you are.

Having said that, girls love a man whose got a good education. Doesnt have to be making mad money, or making any money at all. As long as the guy is driven.. and knows good frmo bad... and is an all round nice guy and an achiever... it's all good :)

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I like the way u put it :k:

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you're absolutely right but i suppose it comes down to personal choice..which would you rather have a doctor who's done it all (partying, drinking, women) or just a normal guy who knows that certain things are haram and he must stay away.

I hope the dude's a better muslim/character than a better earner/status. ahh..but the future seems bleak...

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Well, lawyers make good money in Canada depending on your position and what you studied.

But that's something i don't understand why education is so important in marriage, when it should things like, love, understanding, caring, giving, compromising etc. I don't know how a doctor would make me any happier compare someone who is high school graduated. Am i the only on here who doesn't care too much about education when it comes to marriage?

Like someone in my family said to me "get ur degree we'll get u (insert a good fathers job here) daughter. I don't care if the girls dad is a rickshaw driver or a doctor, i only care about the girl and her family views/upbringing compare to social status.

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Re: how come relationships/weddings..

lahori, education makes you what you are. Education opens up your mind to a whole different level.

Love, caring and all that is lovely.... yes it's great. But with the right education, the person becomes such a different individual.. and the love and caring is at a completely different level.

Im a big advocate for educaiton. For me, if i am educated, i need somenoe on the same level. I dont need him to be earning money or anything of the sort but i know if he's educated, it'll be a different kind of thinking... the type that makes me be interested in him.. and i dont think that's materialistic at all...

why dont guys understand that?

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And what makes you think only education makes you what you are?? You don't necessary need a degree to be smart. There are plenty of people who are college drop out and are very smart and successful. Esp in today technology you can gain so much knowledge without having a degree. How is studying in one particular subject (medical) make him better husband?

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Re: how come relationships/weddings..

I'm just venturing a guess here. It could be that desi parents (and parents in general) think that doctors/lawyers/engineers are all careers which involve a lot of dedication as far as studying is concerned. Medicine requires rigorous training. So....maybe people think that someone who pursues these fields is not only going to be making a ton of money....BUT...is someone who is smart...............and must be dedicated.............and disciplined...........and responsible........has good work habits/ethic. And they may assume that all these associated positive qualities will also transfer over into a marriage. So, this MAY be another reason besides the money/status/prestige.

Although, interestingly, I read a couple of online articles not too long ago stating that physicians are one of the top professions in which cheating (on your partner) takes place frequently. Of course, this doesn't mean that all doctors cheat on their partners.

As far as your question about why people who drive cabs and work in warehouses are looked down upon is concerned..............I think it could be because:

1) Every parent wants their child to be well settled and secure in life. A cab driver most likely would want his children to become "more" than a cab driver in life....would even want his own daughter to marry someone who earns more than a cab driver. Some people might have unreasonably lofty demands. But most people (regardless of their profession) want "better" for their kids.

2) Going back to what I said earlier. It could very well be that a cab driver is more honest than a lawyer or doctor. But maybe a stereotype that enters people's minds is that the cab driver is someone who wasn't very ambitious in life....didn't focus....lacked drive.....and that these traits will transfer over to the marriage.

I dunno, just throwing out some ideas.

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and where did i say you needed to be studying medicine or whatever to be considered educated?

im talking about any kind of education.. not medicine in particular.

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I find it extremely ridiculous that people demand only doctors and engineers (I've never really seen lawyers as a requirement) because there are other professions which earn a decent amount of money. Yes, there are people who don't have college degrees, work blue collar jobs, and have a great heart. If you think about it, what would we do without blue collar workers? Someone has to take those jobs. And many work multiple jobs to support their families and I admire them. But it is also apparent that the family struggles as a whole... maybe they can't afford the groceries, have to go on welfare, can't afford to pay the childrens' college tuition, can't afford basic necessities (shelter, food, clothing, transportation), etc.

The thing is... the job market is so unstable. On top of that, these days, having a bachelor isn't even enough. If a husband doesn't make much money and the couple has kids, there's less money and more insecurity. It is also difficult for a wife to contribute money when she's having kids and raising them.

I've heard of this statistic (maybe it only applies to the US)... but many people are just two paychecks away from ending up on the streets. A person who has a degree, has a higher paying job, and hopefully spends money wisely, will be likely to have more money in the bank in case if they lose their job. Another thing to consider is life in general... illnesses and other things that are sometimes beyond our control... money = more likely to handle high expenses.

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Life isn't so black and white.

A dude whose been clubbing, partying, dated etc, may treat his wife like a queen, while a dude who stayed away would probably treat her like crap.

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True :k:

Like I always says everything that glitters is not gold.

Very religious people can turn out to be monsters too. Not everyone is capable of treating others fairly and giving them their rights. Many so called panch waqta namazis knows their own rights very well but they just don’t want to learn , understand and accept rights of others.

It all comes down to one thing UPBRINGING ! A guy earning alot does not necessarily mean that he will also spend it on his parents , wife & children. Whereas some guys who earn average & love their families keep their wife , children & parents very well.

What is is your roots will remain there for forever. Education can make a difference but it is only & only possible when there is a willingness to change yourself. Otherwise no matter how many degrees you earn if you choose remain jahil no one can change you.

Manners , ethics , perception towards life & relationships , the way one values relationships & family etc…all these can NOT be taught by any degree , you learn all those things from your parents & in your home and I very strongly believe that these are the things that you need to see when you are looking at a rishta. These are the things that will help you to respect & value each other , value your relationship and will save your marriage & make it last for life time… degrees won’t save your marriage.

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Re: how come relationships/weddings..

Money = Security . . . and 99% of women prefer security over love .

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thanks .. :D

okay lets put it this way. you are gona marry your daughter and you get to know about a guy. you don't know anythinig about him .. how would you gona judge his nature, his love, his understanding or all these things? these are the part of the personality which are get exposed when you spend some time together and normally when marriages are being arranged these personality traits are left on luck and the traits which are obvious, can be seen are judged i.e. his degree and other stuff you mentioned.

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why wud u wana marry a lawer anyway... their ability to twist the truth and lie.

my husband owned his own taxi business but yet ppl still called him JUST a taxi driver. he ran his own business but ppl still only saw him as a low earning taxi driver. he earned more than most of these degree holding professionals and Mashallah we are very comfortable but ppls perceptions are still the same.

they think that if u are a 'degree' holder u are automatically going to be a higher earner than someone who isnt.

parents have just started to learn the fundamental lessons of life outside of the home, although they have lived what 50 - 70 years they think they no better but most of that life has been spent indoors with their close community. they only know wat they hear or believe.

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Re: how come relationships/weddings..

Education does provide a good base but it is not everything. A degree doesn't automatically make you smart. Life experience counts for a lot too.
My parents are totally education orientated. Both my elder bros have masters, i'm a law grad and dad himself has 3 degrees. However, my younger bro dropped out of school at 16 and Alhumdulillah he has an amazing career and is, at present, earning £50K+ (he's 27). It totally depends on the individual and what they want to make of their life!! In this day and age, education doesn't actually count for much when applying for jobs as, to be honest, every Tom, Dick and Harry has a Masters, let alone a degree!! It's experience that matters....

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Re: how come relationships/weddings..

the quesiton is...

is it money that matters to you... or the actual person..

there are two different things here.

If you want a money maker.. than u can find that person in all types of professions or arenas. Just cus someone has a taxi business, dont mean they aint earning enough to support a family... i know many peopel with taxi businesses who are doing a lot better than people who are in other professions.

If at teh end of the day, all you care about is how much money someone is bringing in... then educaiton doesnt REALLY matter.

Education is a completely different type of blessing.

You do get the "parhe likhe jaahil".. but to me, these people are those who have degarded education.. who have not taken it to the next level. Who do not understand the importance of it, other than the money associated with the profession at the end.

Education is a gift.. its something one needs to cherish. So, for those who are saying that its for those who only want materialistic things.... then i really dont know what to say.

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u dont necessarily have to do a masters or even a degree to be educated.

But educaiton does matter in a lot of fields. Experience does as well... but ur education in some fields is a huge huge bonus
take for example.. if u want to becoem an aerospace engineer... u cant just expect someones experience is gonna make them that. You do need to go through the hard yards and earn that degree to follow that profesison,.

But when it comes to IT... you dont necessarily have to have the degree to get a good job. Having said that, once you've got ur foot in the door.. or are desperately trying to get their foot in... u do need some kind of education and dedication to get to the next step