how come relationships/weddings..

[Daddy_s_Girl]

u dont necessarily have to do a masters or even a degree to be educated.

But educaiton does matter in a lot of fields. Experience does as well... but ur education in some fields is a huge huge bonus take for example.. if u want to becoem an aerospace engineer... u cant just expect someones experience is gonna make them that. You do need to go through the hard yards and earn that degree to follow that profesison,.

But when it comes to IT... you dont necessarily have to have the degree to get a good job. Having said that, once you've got ur foot in the door.. or are desperately trying to get their foot in... u do need some kind of education and dedication to get to the next step

ermmm, isn't that what I said??!!!!
It goes without saying that for certain fields you need that degree...and that's why I didn't say it!!... :) No point stating the obvious now, is there??!!

[confused_kuri]

I totally agree with Redvelvets response.

Becoming a physician or going into any other field that requires post graduate studies etc is not easy. It involves alot of sacrifice, which not all ppl are capable of doing.
In terms of the doctor example, yes it requires a good work ethic, intelligence, dedication, compassion, leadership, decision making, social skills, communication i mean the list is endless..what parents wouldnt want that for their child?

when it comes to financial security, yes that is important, i dont want my salary to be looked at as the "primary income". Of course i will help out in my household..but i am not looking to be the breadwinner...if i chose to stay at home with my children or work part time..i dont want it to impact my childrens/family's lifestyle and future plans.

As an educated woman, it has been very difficult to find someone equally educated. This may offend some...but i am not going to marry some bachelors of whatever or a high school drop out..i am a physician..and yes i am concerned about my status..but more important than that..i find that some ppl (not all, i mean i know of jobs, gates etc), who dont want to pursue higher studies ( i am excluding those who with re: circumstances cannot pursue degreees/higher education), dont have a passion for learning, for wanting to understand/know the world its issues etc. If i was at some fnc or event i would want my husband to be able to converse with anyone in that room at all levels....education teaches us to think and promotes a desire to seek further knowledge..

My only beef is with those families..whose daughters have managed to graduate high school and are looking for doctors/lawyers etc..give me a break

[lahori99]

Life isn't so black and white.

A dude whose been clubbing, partying, dated etc, may treat his wife like a queen, while a dude who stayed away would probably treat her like crap.

True that. But a guy who is a doctor could be the biggest scumbag out there. What makes you think a guy who goes to clubs, drinks, sleeps with women wouldn`t continue these activities after marriage.
While a guy who never went to a club, drinks, is a virgin, mostly likely has good intentions esp if you are aboard b.c of easy access to these things. There are guys out there that want their first and last love to be their wives. You know how hard it is for a man NOT to do these things while all your friends out drinking, clubbing with their girlfriends and you are home b.c of your morals.
As a far a treating crap could happen. I mean you are a religious guy and you end marrying a girl who wants to be all modern and dress bad (shows cleavage, legs) , goes to clubs, wants to hang out till late could damage marriage and i have seen those happen to ppl.

[lahori99]

thanks .. :D

okay lets put it this way. you are gona marry your daughter and you get to know about a guy. you don't know anythinig about him .. how would you gona judge his nature, his love, his understanding or all these things? these are the part of the personality which are get exposed when you spend some time together and normally when marriages are being arranged these personality traits are left on luck and the traits which are obvious, can be seen are judged i.e. his degree and other stuff you mentioned.

Pretty much you are saying when it comes to rista, focus on what the guy does and how much he makes b.c everything could be a lie.

[lahori99]

why wud u wana marry a lawer anyway... their ability to twist the truth and lie.

my husband owned his own taxi business but yet ppl still called him JUST a taxi driver. he ran his own business but ppl still only saw him as a low earning taxi driver. he earned more than most of these degree holding professionals and Mashallah we are very comfortable but ppls perceptions are still the same.

they think that if u are a 'degree' holder u are automatically going to be a higher earner than someone who isnt.

parents have just started to learn the fundamental lessons of life outside of the home, although they have lived what 50 - 70 years they think they no better but most of that life has been spent indoors with their close community. they only know wat they hear or believe.

i know its mainly doctors and engineers but lately i have some ppl say lawyers proposal are good too so..
Lately my ma is after me to get married and as a man i cant i just can`t marry a girl who would be interested in me b.c i live aboard or make money. As a man i want someone who is interested in me for me not for what i got. No wonder why i see some many good girls with *Douchebags.

As far as it goes for your hubby. He makes good money. what gives you more joy, him being nice to you or money he brings homeÉ
would you be less happier than you are, if he makes less money than he does but still loves as much or If he makes more money, spent more time outta the house for more success and spent less time you and doesn`t care as much about you

*

[Krypton]

Re: how come relationships/weddings..

because an uneducated man will most-likely lead an uneducated lifestyle. especially a desi one.

your concern doesn't make sense, don't we push kids to do well in school and attain some type of higher education? so why should education NOT be expected in this twisted rishta process? isn't the purpose of "rishtas" finding a good match?!

If people are going to go through this like an application then theyre going to have certain expectations that they look out for.

[lahori99]

I totally agree with Redvelvets response.

Becoming a physician or going into any other field that requires post graduate studies etc is not easy. It involves alot of sacrifice, which not all ppl are capable of doing. In terms of the doctor example, yes it requires a good work ethic, intelligence, dedication, compassion, leadership, decision making, social skills, communication i mean the list is endless..what parents wouldnt want that for their child?

when it comes to financial security, yes that is important, i dont want my salary to be looked at as the "primary income". Of course i will help out in my household..but i am not looking to be the breadwinner...if i chose to stay at home with my children or work part time..i dont want it to impact my childrens/family's lifestyle and future plans.

As an educated woman, it has been very difficult to find someone equally educated. This may offend some...but i am not going to marry some bachelors of whatever or a high school drop out..i am a physician..and yes i am concerned about my status..but more important than that..i find that some ppl (not all, i mean i know of jobs, gates etc), who dont want to pursue higher studies ( i am excluding those who with re: circumstances cannot pursue degreees/higher education), dont have a passion for learning, for wanting to understand/know the world its issues etc. If i was at some fnc or event i would want my husband to be able to converse with anyone in that room at all levels....education teaches us to think and promotes a desire to seek further knowledge..

My only beef is with those families..whose daughters have managed to graduate high school and are looking for doctors/lawyers etc..give me a break

Just B.C you are physician you think you are too good for anybody who doesnt have good education like you. no wonder why it;s hard for you. no wonder i see so many 30 years old who are single and cant get a man. no wonder why so many ppl are not happy in their marriages b.c they were after high status. what`s wrong with someone who has a bachelors degree.

For some freaking reason in the past i thought most brown girls arnt god diggers but boy was i wrong. They are worst than white women. I guess i better start looking now b.c its gonna take some time to go thr all the gold digger and find someone who is after character rather than degree or money.

Conclusion.. for desi women good rista are money and higher status.

[lahori99]

because an uneducated man will most-likely lead an uneducated lifestyle. especially a desi one.

your concern doesn't make sense, don't we push kids to do well in school and attain some type of higher education? so why should education NOT be expected in this twisted rishta process? isn't the purpose of "rishtas" finding a good match?!

If people are going to go through this like an application then theyre going to have certain expectations that they look out for.

of course i would want them to have good education but doesnt mean they would be good humans. thats what i care about the most. Plz define uneducated desi lifestyle.
good human being or higher education and money which one if u could have 1
all i am saying..ppl should be more focus on character more than money, education and status

[lahori99]

because an uneducated man will most-likely lead an uneducated lifestyle. especially a desi one.

your concern doesn't make sense, don't we push kids to do well in school and attain some type of higher education? so why should education NOT be expected in this twisted rishta process? isn't the purpose of "rishtas" finding a good match?!

If people are going to go through this like an application then theyre going to have certain expectations that they look out for.

no.. some kids arnt gonna be good in school. I wouldnt want my kid to be a doctor if he is talented at something else. If if he is low paying job. As long its not against islam. Its all about being happy. I dont think education is a key to that.
some ppl are happy with their lives even making only 30k compare to ppl who are self made millionaire

[nabz]

Re: how come relationships/weddings..

people are twisted and stubborn. you can't really change their thinking.

my husband is a project manager and an auntie we know went around questioning:

"eniii research kar kay akheer manager naal via chari. 7-11 da manager hai ya hor koi store?"

translation: "after doing so much research, they married her off to a manager. does he manage a 7-11 or some other store?"

:)

stupid desi mentality!

[confused_kuri]

Just B.C you are physician you think you are too good for anybody who doesnt have good education like you. no wonder why it;s hard for you. no wonder i see so many 30 years old who are single and cant get a man. no wonder why so many ppl are not happy in their marriages b.c they were after high status. what`s wrong with someone who has a bachelors degree.

For some freaking reason in the past i thought most brown girls arnt god diggers but boy was i wrong. They are worst than white women. I guess i better start looking now b.c its gonna take some time to go thr all the gold digger and find someone who is after character rather than degree or money.

Conclusion.. for desi women good rista are money and higher status.

lahori

1) Just because there are educated, single desi girls who are having difficulty finding a match..are u saying we should settle for whatever aira gaira comes along?? Thus being grateful that some man is giving us the time of day? Please, spare me.
I have to agree with one of the other posters who mentioned parents pushing their kids to study, so that they end up with a good match. I know that personally, i want my husband to have a great education..if i can do it..why cant he??? Aside from being educated, if his character is crap, i wouldnt go near him..i am looking for the whole package...that is hard to find. I understand one has to compromise here and there..but i find it hard to see a successful Dr (female) settling down with a truck driver or whatever. I think its important that there be equality in a marriage..and similarities in as many levels as possible..otherwise resentment can breed.

As for ppl being douchebags...thats anyone..with or without a degree.

BTW u should drop this attitude of generalizing desi or brown girls as goldiggers..i think u have issues because of ur attitude.
Either get educated urself, or find someone who has equal education to u..it seems to me alot of girls have rejected u for alot of other reasons than ur education.
just my point of view..so chill

[confused_kuri]

to add further insult to injury Lahori, an educated women with post graduate degrees etc have no need to look to u or any other man for cash, sawal paida nahi hota..we earn enough as it is!

Is it me..or are there not enough well educated desi guys out there??? I see a tonne of well educated desi girls..but no guys who match up in that respect..so stop blaming us for studying and accomplishing something in life and expecting the best, because we have worked hard to get here..no one gave it to us on a silver platter!

and no i am not a feminist..i believe in equality and human rights.

[lahori99]

lahori

1) Just because there are educated, single desi girls who are having difficulty finding a match..are u saying we should settle for whatever aira gaira comes along?? Thus being grateful that some man is giving us the time of day? Please, spare me. I have to agree with one of the other posters who mentioned parents pushing their kids to study, so that they end up with a good match. I know that personally, i want my husband to have a great education..if i can do it..why cant he??? Aside from being educated, if his character is crap, i wouldnt go near him..i am looking for the whole package...that is hard to find. I understand one has to compromise here and there..but i find it hard to see a successful Dr (female) settling down with a truck driver or whatever. I think its important that there be equality in a marriage..and similarities in as many levels as possible..otherwise resentment can breed.

As for ppl being douchebags...thats anyone..with or without a degree.

BTW u should drop this attitude of generalizing desi or brown girls as goldiggers..i think u have issues because of ur attitude. Either get educated urself, or find someone who has equal education to u..it seems to me alot of girls have rejected u for alot of other reasons than ur education. just my point of view..so chill

when did i say you should settle for any aira gaira. I simply am i trying to figure why parents/girls care so much more degree compare to character. what makes you think truck driver couldnt give you happiness that you ever wanted in life. Thats all i am trying to figure. Education is very important in islam and in life. I just disagree with ppl who say doctors are better than someone who isnt or someone who makes this much money is better than this person.

haha nah... i have never been rejected by anyone mainly b.c never look for one. n i wouldn`t mind if i do get rejected in future by 50 girls,families. I am pretty sure i will get rejected quit a lot b.c the way i see things lol.

If stock market gets better which i dont think it would this year but if it gets better in 2011 i will probably start looking.
no way in hell i would want to marry a girl who is interested in me for money.
In fact at first i will act like i dont got much money to see if i get some one who is interested to meet me for to see my character rather than focus on how much i make. If no luck with what i am looking for then i might have to go with desi customs.. well see. Im still young :)

[Khumar]

Re: how come relationships/weddings..

Why do parents/boys put so much emphasis on beauty and height and weight when doing a rishta? The girl's side has to have something too ya know

[starrysky]

Hi, how come people in our society give such big importance to degree (mainly doctors, lawyers) when it comes to relationships or weddings? Be it parents or the kids. Why do we think doctors/lawyers are better than someone who doesn't have a degree? I understand doctors/lawyers make good money and they have higher status in our society but doesn't mean it will end in happy marriage. I understand value/importance of money plays in our lives but to me money is only important as much as one needs in his/her life. In the past i have seen some really good people with high values/morals get rejected b/c they didn't had a degree or didn't make as much money. While there are guys who go to clubs, drink, date girls etc are getting good proposals just b/c they are doctors and make good money. I guess what i am trying to ask is why people just assume someone with higher education is better than someone who doesn't? Shouldn't marriage be based on values, morals, character etc rather than education and social status? Why people who work at hmm lets say warehouses, drive cabs etc are looked down upon? when they could be very hard working, honest, caring, giving, religious, etc than someone who has a doctor degree. I often hear desi talk bad about people who work at 7 11, macs (pretty much low paying jobs) even if that person has the most amazing heart.

As a guy i wouldn't want someone to be interested in me b/c i have money. As a man who has never been in clubs, toughed alcohol, drugs, women etc i would much rather want a girl/family who likes me for my character rather than anything i might have at that time (degree/money). Even my ma is like must get a degree to get a good girl. Why are desi so focused on degree and money when it comes to marriage?

P.S just in case you are wondering, no i don't work at 7 11 or anything like that.

I think you are missing the point here. It is all about your social status. A doctor/lawyer/other professional has a white collar job and automatically a middle/upple class status. If you decide to run a kebab shop, you will always be seen as being from a lower class even if you happen to make as much money as the doctor/lawyer.

I think having a degree gives you a lot more opportunities in life and opens up so many more doors for you. Why should you not aspire to better yourself given the chance? Asian parents usually push their children more towards education because a lot of them didn't have the same opportunities themselves. Bloody hell, be grateful our parents are like this. So many white parents don't give a **** what their children do with their lives.

I personally don't care about money but I would instantly turn down a guy if he hadn't done a moderately challenging degree. As nice/rich as he may be, I would never be able to treat him like an equal.

[starrysky]

to add further insult to injury Lahori, an educated women with post graduate degrees etc have no need to look to u or any other man for cash, sawal paida nahi hota..we earn enough as it is!

Is it me..or are there not enough well educated desi guys out there??? I see a tonne of well educated desi girls..but no guys who match up in that respect..so stop blaming us for studying and accomplishing something in life and expecting the best, because we have worked hard to get here..no one gave it to us on a silver platter!

and no i am not a feminist..i believe in equality and human rights.

Dude, you are SO right. Our men seem to be such douche bags when it comes to education.

[starrysky]

when did i say you should settle for any aira gaira. I simply am i trying to figure why parents/girls care so much more degree compare to character. what makes you think truck driver couldnt give you happiness that you ever wanted in life. Thats all i am trying to figure. Education is very important in islam and in life. I just disagree with ppl who say doctors are better than someone who isnt or someone who makes this much money is better than this person.

haha nah... i have never been rejected by anyone mainly b.c never look for one. n i wouldn`t mind if i do get rejected in future by 50 girls,families. I am pretty sure i will get rejected quit a lot b.c the way i see things lol.

**If stock market gets better which i dont think it would this year but if it gets better in 2011 i will probably start looking. no way in hell i would want to marry a girl who is interested in me for money. In fact at first i will act like i dont got much money to see if i get some one who is interested to meet me for to see my character rather than focus on how much i make. **If no luck with what i am looking for then i might have to go with desi customs.. well see. Im still young :)

How old are you? 15? And you think you are some millionaire or something? And who are these gold digger girls? Other 15 year old mates of yours?

[starrysky]

Money = Security . . . and 99% of women prefer security over love .

Where does this statistic come from? Your arse?

[Sehrysh]

@lahori99

Hi, how come people in our society give such big importance to degree (mainly doctors, lawyers) when it comes to relationships or weddings? Be it parents or the kids. Why do we think doctors/lawyers are better than someone who doesn’t have a degree? I understand doctors/lawyers make good money and they have higher status in our society but doesn’t mean it will end in happy marriage. I understand value/importance of money plays in our lives but to me money is only important as much as one needs in his/her life. In the past i have seen some really good people with high values/morals get rejected b/c they didn’t had a degree or didn’t make as much money.

My sister showed me this online muslim matrimonial profile - guy is a divorced surgeon living in the states - oh lord - he exemplifies why you wouldn’t want to marry a doctor What happened to humble and down-to-earth?

What the guy wants in his partner:

Intelligent, humane, caring, compassionate, attractive, very highly stylish, family oriented, independent, educated. Someone who is confident and outgoing. I’m not looking for a homebody. I have a staff taking care of my many homes and expect to have a full time nanny taking care of my future children. I am looking for a partner who can enjoy life with me.

How he describes himself:

***Intelligent, humane, caring, compassionate, attractive, stylish, family oriented, independent, educated. I am a very respected medical professional with International prominence and noteriety. I not your average MD. I have many businesses including a real estate company and a medical device manufacturing company. I have a Wharton MBA who is the CEO of my peripheral companies. ***

***I am well aware of gold diggers (both parents and females). ***

***You should be sophisticated, cultured, from an educated family. I am looking for someone very comfortable in western society, and who has spent the majority of their life in the west. Should be a minimum of 5’5", and very physically fit or you wont be able to keep up with me. ***

Honestly, the degree/profession mean less in the long term and the guy’s character and humility matter more.

[starrysky]

@Sehrysh

My sister showed me this online muslim matrimonial profile - guy is a divorced surgeon living in the states - oh lord - he exemplifies why you wouldn’t want to marry a doctor What happened to humble and down-to-earth?

What the guy wants in his partner:

Intelligent, humane, caring, compassionate, attractive, very highly stylish, family oriented, independent, educated. Someone who is confident and outgoing. I’m not looking for a homebody. I have a staff taking care of my many homes and expect to have a full time nanny taking care of my future children. I am looking for a partner who can enjoy life with me.

How he describes himself:

***Intelligent, humane, caring, compassionate, attractive, stylish, family oriented, independent, educated. I am a very respected medical professional with International prominence and noteriety. I not your average MD. I have many businesses including a real estate company and a medical device manufacturing company. I have a Wharton MBA who is the CEO of my peripheral companies. ***

***I am well aware of gold diggers (both parents and females). ***

***You should be sophisticated, cultured, from an educated family. I am looking for someone very comfortable in western society, and who has spent the majority of their life in the west. Should be a minimum of 5’5", and very physically fit or you wont be able to keep up with me. ***

Honestly, the degree/profession mean less in the long term and the guy’s character and humility matter more.

HAHAHAHA, this really cracked me up! I love reading testimonials, I always get kicks out of them.

What a charming man, quite a catch eh?