How Come Parents live without their kids

[NomiCA]

Re: How Come Parents live without their kids

why do you people assume OP is a she??

[Krypton]

Re: How Come Parents live without their kids

well, this might b earth-shattering, but some parents are just not as attached to their kids. They fulfill the societal role imposed on them, not the cute, awwwyou'resuchagoodparent kinda thing we see on gs.

[ehl-e-chamman]

Re: How Come Parents live without their kids

nvm

[FairysAngel]

Re: How Come Parents live without their kids

Originally Posted by khattichic Ok, I’m trying not to blow my top here (God help me to keep my composure), but I find your generalizations very insulting, to say the least. There are plenty of people here on GS (myself included) who’s parents are divorced, and it is not the end-all death sentence you seem to think it is. We all turned out to be very normal, healty & functioning members of society. This is a very personal topic, and no two situations are alike, so unless you have life experience with this subject, it’s best not to make uneducated remarks lest you offend someone.

There is saying “unless you have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all…”

Think about that my friend.

I am not interested knowing what happend with others and please don’t make it (your’s) personal topic. Do you think such threads are opened without any experience, without going through this situation or wihtout witnessing it? If ‘Yes’ than its oky if you don’t wish any further to contribute your valuable words. I don’t mind

Originally Posted by ehl-e-chamman
life isn’t all about absolutes.
you sound very very young and naive …
as khawateen said above … wait till you marry and have a child before you climb the pulpit to lecture others.

Oh! I didn’t know that I need a permit (marriage+kids) to open such kind of thread. btw I don’t understand why non-concern audience, first place a naive on the pulpit, than listen his lecture and afterward blame him.

Originally Posted by Jolie
LOL…Why are you ladies all ganged up on the poor OP? Did she say anything anti semitic or somethig?

FA: I’m sorry that you had to witness your parents’ divorce, its not easy and often it leaves the kids with lots of questions, confusion and resentment. Its nothing out of ordinary, perhaps posting here was not a very good idea. Maybe you need to talk to a proper adult in real life and open up without getting ridiculed and judged. I agree that not all parents do everything within their power to make the marriage work for sake of their kids, sometimes they just want an easy escape for themselves. Yes marriage is a hard work and not every couple in this whole wide world works hard enough to make it work (oh shock horror!)..So try to at least acknowoledge the other side of the argument instead of just throwing the text book answers. I think someone had already said that life is not all black and white nor its a nice real life Disney channel.

Jolie! I am ‘He’ NOT ‘She’.

Secondly, when did I said its all about me?

Thirdly, I appreciate your concern and I’m the above (underlined) is a point of thought for me.

[ehl-e-chamman]

Re: How Come Parents live without their kids

@FairysAngel

I am not interested knowing what happend with others and please don’t make it (your’s) personal topic. Do you think such threads are opened without any experience, without going through this situation or wihtout witnessing it? If ‘Yes’ than its oky if you don’t wish any further to contribute your valuable words. I don’t mind

Oh! I didn’t know that I need a permit (marriage+kids) to open such kind of thread. btw I don’t understand why non-concern audience, first place a naive on the pulpit, than listen his lecture and afterward blame him.

Jolie! I am ‘He’ NOT ‘She’.

Secondly, when did I said its all about me?

Thirdly, I appreciate your concern and I’m the above (underlined) is a point of thought for me.

as suspected you have nothing useful to add. your reply to everyone is defensive and obnoxious.
carry on … you continue to be naive and immature.

[FairysAngel]

Re: How Come Parents live without their kids

as suspected you have nothing useful to add. your reply to everyone is defensive and obnoxious. carry on ... you continue to be naive and immature.

Are you one of those who enjoy knowing what actually happened with others in their life. I bet you love to read. aaahan!
I am very well aware what I wrote. So far I can't see anything useful from you except one line ideal chitchat.

[Sara516]

Re: How Come Parents live without their kids

@FairysAngel

Bring youself in middle and tell to your friend that on my right hand, ‘This is my real mother and my step-father’ and on my left hand, ‘That is my real father and my step-mother’. Tell me how do you feel while saying that to your friend or how your friend will react?

I don’t know your situation but seriously…it’s not the end of the world? Why is it such a huge deal?

Why should it matter how my friend reacts? if my friend reacts badly, then they’re not my friend. Period.

@FairysAngel

**I bet you love to read. aaahan! **

LOL and that’s an insult…

I’m not divorced and neither were my parents but yeah you’re pretty offensive and obnoxious with the “divorced parents don’t love hteir kids.”

Ridiculous.

[FairysAngel]

Re: How Come Parents live without their kids

@chips6

Unfortunately life is not as black and white.Divorce is not an easy solution but if the parents are not compatible for whatever reasons and they already have kids,the worst thing would be to stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the kids.Do not ask me how or why I know for sure,but that can screw up the kids so bad that it can be impossible for them to hold onto any relationship when they themselves grow up. The ideal perfect and happy family no doubt is the one where mommy and daddy love each other and all live happily ever after,but this necessarily is not always possible. It is not easy to put aside your own issues,unhappiness or whatever issues you have with your spouse and pretend in front of the kids all is well.Marital problems take a toll on your on mind and that influences parenting.I know for sure that on days when I am upset for some reason (not necessarily with the husband but for any reason) ,my daughter can sense that.She is just 2 years old.I sense that that I am not being attentive to her and just want to be left alone for a while.I cannot imagine someone being upset or sad or depressed about their marriage yet being cheery and pretending all to be normal in front of the kids. Secondly step parents are not always bad.As I said before there are always exceptions.My own father was raised by a step mom after his own mom passed away while giving birth.My dadi (may she rest in peace) was nothing like the monster step mom we imagine. I am not an advocate for divorce,but if the parents are divorced they can be good parents...I still believe what I said in the earlier post.You don't have to bash or bad mouth the other parent if the kid asks you why you guys are not married.I would also add that yes kids from divorced parents might face some issues,as it is not the prettiest situation,but to say that the parents don't love the kids when they decide to get a divorce just does not seem to be the right thing.

No offense or disrespect and just out of curiosity,are you married...??..Your POV certainly changes about marriage and all once you actually do get married...:)

Yeah I'm married.

I read carefully what you said. Step-parents and divorce are not my POV. Let me tell you what was is in my mind.

Divorce due to any reason occured within a short period is understood but those divorces which held after many years where couples have one or more than one kid suddenly can't live together anymore and would like to get divorce because of whatever reasons. That reason I think is 'selfishness' where one of both or both just think about 'I', like:

I can't live with him due to this
I can't live with her due to that.

When 'I' occured than couples only think about their egoism and in importuniy of winning guardianship case of the kidz, they do whatever is best in their interest. They just love themselves more than anything otherwise if they still love each others, especially the kidz, surely they'll sit down and start talking all over again and try to find out the reason which cause them to reach at this point, but they don't.

Hope you got my point.

[FairysAngel]

Re: How Come Parents live without their kids

@Sara516

I don’t know your situation but seriously…it’s not the end of the world? Why is it such a huge deal?

Why should it matter how my friend reacts? if my friend reacts badly, then they’re not my friend. Period.

LOL and that’s an insult…

I’m not divorced and neither were my parents but yeah you’re pretty offensive and obnoxious with the “divorced parents don’t love hteir kids.”

Ridiculous.

[Marmalade]

Re: How Come Parents live without their kids

@NomiCA

why do you people assume OP is a she??

‘FairysAngel’ is an odd nick for a male to name himself.

[Reha]

Re: How Come Parents live without their kids

@FairysAngel

Ofcourse its has to do. I think if parents really love their kidz they will do whatever it takes within their power to secure their marriage life and not to get divorce ever.

After divorce, a kid can live either with father or mother. This is not a bright future for a kid because when he grow up he’ll say… oky this is my step father and that is my real mother. This is my real father and that is my step mother. My parents got divorce when I was kid. Probably the kid going to ask their parents why did they divorced ? What will be the answer? Going to Blame each others?

Just for the sake of their kidz, can’t parent’s leave a side their issues and start all over again freshly?

You know if they really loved their kidz, divorce idea never cross their mind.

Divorce is never easy…for parents or children. Its one of the hardest things to do and NEVER the first option. No one gets married thinking one day…they will walk away. Its almost always for life.

That being said…if a woman or man finds themselves in a bad marriage…its MUCH worse if a kid actually witnesses that. Why? Because its an abusive and negative environment. I would never want my kids to see that. Its a bad example for a little girl to see and a little boy to see. I remember every little thing from my childhood…what kid doesnt?

A parent always tries to do what is best for the child. In some situations, that means making peace with each other and moving on in different directions but also taking care of their child. Maybe once you’re a parent…you’ll know. Its easy to come into a forum and say these things but MUCH harder to do.

You cannot say “oh, they got divorced…they must not love their kids enough”. Why? Because maybe they love their kids so much they decided to shut up, put a smile on their face and make the most of their situation. Sometimes it means divorce and sometimes it doesnt. I know many people who are devoted parents but are divorced…men AND woman.

[Le_Pakistan]

Re: How Come Parents live without their kids

Jolie! I am 'He' NOT 'She'.

What? FairysAngel?! He??
Bhaijaan, yeh kya chawal maari hai aapne? :|

jk nvm :(

[NomiCA]

Re: How Come Parents live without their kids

I was mistaken earlier…so i knew

[queer]

Re: How Come Parents live without their kids

wow fairysangel from fairyland is a married guy. even my gaydar didn't pick that one up.

[chips6]

Re: How Come Parents live without their kids

Yeah I'm married.

I read carefully what you said. Step-parents and divorce are not my POV. Let me tell you what was is in my mind.

Divorce due to any reason occured within a short period is understood but those divorces which held after many years where couples have one or more than one kid suddenly can't live together anymore and would like to get divorce because of whatever reasons. That reason I think is 'selfishness' where one of both or both just think about 'I', like:

I can't live with him due to this I can't live with her due to that.

When 'I' occured than couples only think about their egoism and in importuniy of winning guardianship case of the kidz, they do whatever is best in their interest. They just love themselves more than anything otherwise if they still love each others, especially the kidz, surely they'll sit down and start talking all over again and try to find out the reason which cause them to reach at this point, but they don't.

Hope you got my point.

I am sorry if you have had bad life experiences.
I still do not get your point and I still believe in what I wrote.

[Lusi]

Re: How Come Parents live without their kids

Yeah I'm married.

I read carefully what you said. Step-parents and divorce are not my POV. Let me tell you what was is in my mind.

Divorce due to any reason occured within a short period is understood but those divorces which held after many years where couples have one or more than one kid suddenly can't live together anymore and would like to get divorce because of whatever reasons. That reason I think is 'selfishness' where one of both or both just think about 'I', like:

I can't live with him due to this I can't live with her due to that.

When 'I' occured than couples only think about their egoism and in importuniy of winning guardianship case of the kidz, they do whatever is best in their interest. They just love themselves more than anything otherwise if they still love each others, especially the kidz, surely they'll sit down and start talking all over again and try to find out the reason which cause them to reach at this point, but they don't.

Hope you got my point.

I know someone very close who got divorce 13 years after living together. The husband threw the wife and 2 daughters out of the house at night. That is when she decided, it is time to move on. The daughters are still in contact with the father. All of them are doing much better now. Also, now when the parents are separate, the girls have somewhat a better relationship with the father then what they had when the parents were together.

[automne77]

Re: How Come Parents live without their kids

Honestly if you ask kids who have lived in abusive households if they would rather their parents were together or would it have been better that they should've divorced.... a lot of them would answer that it is better they would've divorced

It not only affects the kids themselves but also their relationship with their future spouses and also siblings.

[somegroovychick]

Re: How Come Parents live without their kids

i know someone in a situation you describe, fairysangel. she's young, has a two year old. he regularly beat the crap out of her and their daughter witnessed the beatings. one day, she couldn't handle it anymore, reported him to the cops and they put her in a women's shelter while they got her aid and figured out the next best thing for her in moving forward with her life. thanks to people with mentality like yours, she was talked into going back to him "for their daughters' sake", at which point she promptly became pregnant again (ridiculous!), and now is back in a marriage with the same abusive husband as before. nothing has changed except now there are two children witnessing the abuse, and at some point, most likely, will be at the receiving end too. abusive men don't only target their wives.

you think her kids are going to thank her for it when they grow up?
you think she's happy even though she did what you consider to be an unselfish, noble thing?

[Niksik]

Re: How Come Parents live without their kids

Oho!

When you have a child, you don't stop being a human. Yes you love your child and if there are problems between you and your spouse, they don't JUST go away with the wave of a magic wand. Sometimes things get better and sometimes no matter how hard you try, things get worse. But that doesn't mean you don't love you child. Most people do NOT get out of horrible marriages just for their kids until they realize that the bad marriage itself is breaking the kids.

[khawateen]

Re: How Come Parents live without their kids

I sense a big fat hairy ugly troll.