How children ruin your wedding day...

Lifestyle Wedding, Fashion & Beauty
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Re: How children ruin your wedding day...

Ok, here is what I think:

My mom feels that if a wedding invitation cards says "and family"....then it means that kids can come. However if it does not say "and family"....it's implied that kids are not invited...and it's a couples only invitation. Not everyone is considerate of this hint.

HOWEVER....for some parents, it's hard to arrange for babysitters or they don't feel comfortable leaving their kids behind. And so the kids end up coming to the wedding. And in such a scenario......THERE NEEDS TO BE GROUND RULES!

I don't have kids of my own, but I have taught preschool, elementary, and middle school. And I've learned from experience.....that ground rules and consequences need to be established **PRIOR **to any special occasion or major event. And parents who fail to do this end up ruining the wedding for others and embarrassing themselves.

For example....Get your kids ready on time....sit them down and talk to them about your expectations. For example,** 1)** You are not to run around at ANY time during the wedding.
2) You are not to go anywhere near the stage. ETC.... And then tell the kids that IF I do catch you even THINKING of doing this............then you will have the FOLLOWING **consequences: (grounding, privileges revoked, etc). **BUT KIDS ALSO NEED TO BE MOTIVATED. So, a parent can say, "IF you kids can show me your BEST behavior at the wedding, I will take you to the beach on the weekend, etc."

^ I have to go through this procedure even with teenagers.....before going to the library, field trip, or attending a special assembly. And it makes a BIG difference. Parents and figures of authority over children need to do their part **(ground rules, consequences, and motivation).

Now..........as the bride, you have the RIGHT to design your invitation card however YOU want. After all, this is YOUR big day. And you can put on the card "couples only". It has been done by brides before as a precaution. At the same time, keep in mind that the groom's side might not write that on their invitation card.
**
ANOTHER OPTION TO CONSIDER: Brides.....if you have an amazing friend or cousin whom you have an AWESOME relationship with, get them to help you **"manage" **the kids at the wedding who seem "rowdy." Maybe they can come up with some low energy games/activities for the little ones to keep them busy. Or perhaps they can help gather the kids and keep them seated or usher them into their seats when the ceremonies begin. Delegate responsibilities.

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Re: How children ruin your wedding day...

^In Pakistan, they write, 'Mr. and Mrs. Khan only'. Those who want to invite the family add, 'and family' at the end. I think that's a smart way of doing it.

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Re: How children ruin your wedding day...

To completely ban kids will be tough to do..........cuz you KNOW some parents will bring their precious darlings to the wedding no matter how many hints you give about leaving them home, lol.

Here are some options:

1) "If you want cake, you are going to wait until they serve the cake in plates. If I see you anywhere near the cake before desert time...........you are NOT getting a piece of that yummy wedding cake."

2) Most weddings take place in a hotel or a hall.....and if one's child is throwing an unexpected fit or tantrum.....the parent should really consider taking the child outside to the hotel lounge and calm the kid down before entering the reception room again.

3) Consider some "SAFE" toys your child can play with. Perhaps a book to read? Or a mini hand puzzle. Rubix cube. Without sound video game, etc. Only precaution is to make sure the toy doesn't become a cause for fights.

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Re: How children ruin your wedding day...

^ Exactly! My siblings and I are all in our twenties. And if my mom receives a wedding invitation card that does not say "and family"....then the rest of the family stays home....and only my parents go. Even though we're old enough not to behave like little kids.....but it's good to try and follow the instructions on the invitation card.

Bait Bazi March 2013
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Re: How children ruin your wedding day...

yes ...but still whole family would be comming :D

the MOM dont want to go home and cook something for kids.thats why they will bring kids with them in Shadi..

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Re: How children ruin your wedding day...

^ Normally the whole family won't come if its only 'Mr. and Mrs.'.

I cannot imagine a wedding or similar event without children! They add so much colour and life. AND they do not behave in a synthetic way the adults do. My idea of a wedding is 'fun' and a 'perfect' wedding is a boring one.

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Re: How children ruin your wedding day...

Believe it or not....some people **will **come even if the card does not indicate invitation of the whole family. I know that my parents and several other desi parents have done that. Also, some parents (not all) might even be relieved about leaving the kids with grandma for a change....because they know how tough it can be to manage kids during a wedding.

As for those parents who have no choice but to bring their kids to the wedding....then they need to fulfill their responsibility of reminding the kids of rules BEFORE leaving for the wedding and also manage them during the event.

Yes, kids are endearing and adorable and even funny. But they **can **get out of control.....and potentially ruin somebody's special day and that's not fair. Kids do add color to an event....and if they do come....then common courtesy is a must.

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Re: How children ruin your wedding day...

I don't know about anybody else but for as long as I can remember, if the card had "Mr. and Mrs." then it was only our parents who attended the event.

This is just to throw a different perspective on this issue: it's for everyone who's keen on excluding the kids from the wedding altogether.
I agree that not everbody's kids (read people you barely know) shouldn't be invited but I think its important to have kids of your family/close friends at such events. That's how they get exposure to the cultural/religious practices. I mean how else are they to become aware of how the society works?
If the kids are behaving badly, parents have a duty to discipline them (not physically ofcourse) that's the only way they will learn about what is socially acceptable and manners. And if the parents can't do that, they should go take some parenting classes to be honest.

The idea of hiring babysitters sounds very good, it's like the best of both worlds-they get exposure to the culture while having the guidance to behave properly.

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Re: How children ruin your wedding day...

It's torture for kids to go to weddings - I would do the Mr and Mrs things except kids in the close family - and have a separate room with t.v, videos, babysitters, and board games and activites.

I think its unfair to ask a family that is already paying for so much to pay for babysitters for the whole community!

Bait Bazi March 2013
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Re: How children ruin your wedding day...

this will be the most painful story regarding kids and a bride...

so bride is now my cousin's darling wife..and just 2 months before she had gotten her nose peirced..so on the wedding day her nose wasnt in the best condition but she wanted to wear a nath on her wedding...n she lukd spectacular...
in walked a lil boy aged 3 or 4 maybe and stared at the bride and then ran over to her and pulled on her nath....

omggg the poor bride had blood comin out of her nose and she cudnt yell and scream frm the pain but the way the tears were rolling down her cheeks..it was sooo painful....

n the sadest part was tht the boy wasnt even yelled at...

it was a sight to see..the entire hall was quiet and aunties were yelling to get ice

2500 posts: GS Café Flooder of the week challeng
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Re: How children ruin your wedding day...

^if i was the bride, regardless of who was watching me, i would have gotten up and slapped him and yelled at this parents if they didn't have the courtesy to atleast make the boy feel ashamed of what he did.

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Re: How children ruin your wedding day...

OMG........poor bride....didnt any one slap the boy ?:@

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Re: How children ruin your wedding day...

omg.... thats just so painful....... just reading about it..... bichari dulhan!!

thats the thing na.... i dont know why mothers keep saying to their kids......... "oh woh dekho dulhan!!!" as if she is a cartoon or something....... and then when the kids see her... they wanna touch everything she has on!!!

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Re: How children ruin your wedding day…

Over here how it is done is not everyone is given the same invitation cards. Some are for couples only and some are the whole family. It is a set standard and it is done like this almost in all of the desi community. There are couples only but some full families. Usually the ones that want the whole family to come they would personally go to their house and deliver the invitation card and invite the whole family verbally and also on the card it would say for example, Mr. & Mrs. Suhail Yaqub and then with pen it would say family. After that it would say Aisha, Huda etc etc.. This is how it is done here. There are hardly young kids present at weddings, especially the reception. At the dholki, which is usually done at home and the mehndi the kids are there but reception no kids. Oh by the way over here there is a seperate card for mehndi, dholki, reception and baraat. So not all people that were there on the mehndi would be there on baraat and so on.

Young kids as in toddlers and infants. The babies are always there:blush: and becharay do not make such a chaos and mess compared to the others.

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Re: How children ruin your wedding day...

[quote=kakaballi;6446912
I cannot imagine a wedding or similar event without children! They add so much colour and life. AND they do not behave in a synthetic way the adults do. My idea of a wedding is 'fun' and a 'perfect' wedding is a boring one.[/quote]

I agree. It's true some parents need to learn how to teach their kids behave, but a wedding without kids is simply boring.

Bait Bazi March 2013
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Re: How children ruin your wedding day...

My instinct would've been to SLAP him. but heck if anyone touched my nose ring i'd hit them, b/c of hte severe pain.
Ouch. :(

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Re: How children ruin your wedding day…

I have SUCH horrible kids in my family and they LOVE to be on the stage all the time touching bride’s stuff :bummer:

I really want to have all of them sit down and tell them how to behave at the wedding :mad2:

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Re: How children ruin your wedding day...

The thing about a wedding is that it should be an event for the families and friends of the bride and groom - a very important event full of cultural and religious experience. Children should be included, they should learn and experience this very exciting and important part of their culture and they should be allowed to participate in age-appropriate fashion and share in the whole thing.

It is exciting for them to be sure and of course they will want to be where all the action is. The cake will be a big draw. The stage also. If you dont have a professional baby sitter (which is the BEST idea I've ever heard!) then at least have a couple of designated friends or family members supervise or even get a large number of them with each taking turns for 30 minutes or so. Give rules to the kids, they usually respect rules and typically do much better when things are structured and outlined for them - like each kid gets to visit the stage once and do not touch the bride. Kids can get on line to look at the cake and then leave it alone until they are served a slice of it. Have the kids sit at a table (you dont even need a separate room) just a kids table which can have at least crayons and paper. Have them make an original drawing and/or story about the wedding and offer a prize to the best one.

From the weddings I've seen, there are indeed some parents who let the kids run around because they want to enjoy and visit for themselves and they think that the kids are excited and ok to run around thinking well, let them enjoy too. While I do think the kids should be included, I also think they should have some age-appropriate things to do...otherwise they'll go for the inappropriate things to do. But to deny the kids such a rich cultural and religious experience I dont think is a nice thing to do.

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Re: How children ruin your wedding day...

the Mr and Mrs thing does work at time and doesnt work at times.
my ferinds and realtives have had it written on the invites and some ppl STILL brought their kids and some dint... it was so funny.. coz i remember da father of da the bride started cussing ke " ITNE BACHEE KAHAN SE A GAI" lol hehehe it was quite funny..
and da children mothers ignoreeee their kids.. like dey rnt even related to themm.. its like dey tell dem b4 leavin k betaa dunt come near me..lol

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Re: How children ruin your wedding day...

So, from reading everyone's comments, it would seem that kids would NOT be so much of a problem if it were for PARENTS. So really if the parents allow their kids to misbehave, the PARENTS SHOULD BE IMMEDIATELY KICKED OUT OF THE VENUE. Redvelvet mentions consequences, this should be a consequence of lack of parental control.

Really don't know how that poor bride with the nose ring coped. I think someone senior should have asked that boys parents to take him home, expecially since they didn't reprimand him.