Well, me and my hubby are going to pakistan soon on my SIL’s wedding…The thought of going to Pakistan has always scared me because once i am there in my in-laws,my husband totally ignores me and gives all his time to his own family..I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND that this is quite normal and i should have no issue with it,but no matter how much I try NOT to get bothered by it,still i do have that feeling of loneliness and may be a bit of jealousy too..I just want you people to tell me how can i avoid getting bothered by my husband’s behavior towards me once i am in pakistan?My own family is not in pak so i have to spend all my time with my in-laws,no option of going to my parent’s home…
I hate it how i feel when my husband ignores me there and i hate myself for being jealous and all..so plz tell me how can i avoid all this?there is nothing i can have there to get myself busy in something…I don’t want lectures on how right my husband is and how bad i am to feel that way,i actually want to overcome this feeling..how can i be less sensitive to whatever happens there?..hope u understand and give me some good advice..
Its so natural to be bothered by the ignorance especially when the other person is your husband. Its really good of you to realize already that you know its normal. This understanding helps a person to overcome his feeling.
You are going to attend a wedding and such a place is so fun to live in, where the wedding preparations are on. Just try to keep yourself busy with the preparations. Call out the people, cousins, girls every alternative night to enjoy the moments, rent a dhol and celebrate rat-jagays... help your MIL preparing burry....... the more you will take interest, the more she will let you allow to take part in everything.. your cold behavior can lead to tensions which is not a good thing for you, your hubby and the rest of the people around.
Just try to be friendly and busy yourself in such moments..... you will see your husband complaining at the end of the day.......tum mujhay ignore ker rahi ho............lol! :)
I have same issue with my husband. I understand that he needs time with his family bt wat about me and our kids. Last time to avoid loneliness I ended up taking full charge of kitchen and spent most of my time washing dishes and cleaning bench tops.
Im going end of this year with two kids for 3 months as my bro will be getting married aswell. My inlaws who are not bad with me and totally love my daughter, their tones have changed suddenly since my bro's engagement.
There's rumor they wanted rishta of my bro for sil bt we never ever said that it will happen or we r interested. Infact told all relatives we r luking outside family.
I am totally worried as I b spending 3 months with them and the change in their tone and mood scaring me.
Hubby understsnds this bt once hes in his clan dnt know wat to expect.
but this time you are going to attend your SIL wedding and that itself will keep you too busy to be bothered by anything else.
further its good that you realize and want to overcome this feeling. this shows you have a will and if you have a will you can overcome anything.
you must first find out first that is it some kind of insecurity you have that triggers the jealousy in you? and then you must try to address that insecurity. you can also try to broaden up your horizon and see things from a different perspective like there must be some factors in your mind that makes you feel jealous so if you can overcome those factors you can overcome this feeling as well.
when your husband sits with his family engaged in a topic..jump in and join him!give your input and views! sit next to him if you want!
he's visiting his family so naturally he wants to be around them more and it would make him happy that his wife is joining in the family fun..basically start participating..
Bohat saallllll - I'm married 12 years and now its gotten better.
Now he's starting to put his kids and wife before his family.. and generally referring to us as "immediate family" rather then his siblings.
,my husband totally ignores me and gives all his time to his own family..I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND that this is quite normal and i should have no issue with it,but no matter how much I try NOT to get bothered by it,still i do have that feeling of loneliness and may be a bit of jealousy too..I just want you people to tell me how can i avoid getting bothered by my husband's behavior towards me once i am in pakistan?
Why are you trying to beat them? Join them. Try to be a better part of his family, and you will lose these feelings. But so long as you keep thinking about this in terms of 'his family' and 'my family', you may never be satisfied.
Bohat saallllll - I'm married 12 years and now its gotten better.
Now he's starting to put his kids and wife before his family.. and generally referring to us as "immediate family" rather then his siblings.
long time :(
How long are you going to be in Pakistan for this wedding? Do you get along well with his family?
no generally everything is okay between me and my in-laws..i don't have any issues with them..its just my own possessiveness may be..i don't know how to express it..but there is something inside me that doesn't like my husband being more concerned and overly sweet to his own family and ignoring me in front of them...i feel embarrassed at times..i know i can't do anything abt it except overcoming my own feelings...like yesterday i told my hubby that i still have my clothes to be made for the wedding..will u take me to markets and all..and he sed yeah i would but don't expect i will be available for u all the time for ur shopping,i have better things to do and i am not going there for ur shopping...it made me feel sad and maybe insecure too..i just don't want myself to get hurt by all these things once i am in pak..but i also know things like these are going to happen there everytime and everyday..i want myself to be insensitive and strong...
Why are you trying to beat them? Join them. Try to be a better part of his family, and you will lose these feelings. But so long as you keep thinking about this in terms of 'his family' and 'my family', you may never be satisfied.
i would love too..but its impossible...i can't live here alone..plus i have to attend my SIL wedding there..
ok, in that case, make some ground rules with him before you leave for Pakistan. make him to stick to those rules. one of the should be that he'll pay attention to you on a daily basis without fail. :)
Cute ainee: I don't think there really anything specific that's going to change your feelings. You know that your feelings are purely emotional and there is no logic behind them. With time, you're just going to have to learn to deal with it/get over it.
It's a great thing that you don't have any tension with the in-laws. As others suggested, when you get there, keep yourself busy with the wedding activities. That way, at least you'll hopefully be focused on something other than your husband.
Its not a matter of owning someone.
Rather the feeling that you're only important when the family isn't around. Kinda makes you feel like you're not a choice but a convenience.
Wife should a wife no matter whose around.
The flip side is that they don't get to see the family as much as they are with us so space is required.