What Muniya said!!! I’ve been married 14 (almost 15!) years and we’re now to the point where our family (me, him & the 3 kids) are first. I didn’t bamboozle him into it, he had to get there himself. Whining/complaining to him about will not serve any purpose. It will make things worse.
Here’s a little anecdote I always find funny:
When my husband and I got married, I was still in college and working almost full time at the mall. We lived about 25-30 minutes away from his family to be closer to his job and my university. Working at the mall, my hours were usually 1pm-9pm, sometimes I’d have the opening shift though the very next day or college classes. The first 2-3 months we were married, my husband would insist on us going to his brothers/mom’s house **every single night **regardless if we both had work or school the next morning. If I objected, obviously, he’d get pissy and make a face. So I sucked it up and did it, even though as soon as we got there, they were all busy in their own conversations (my in-laws speak another language) and I was largely ignored. Khair, I made myself busy with the young neice and nephew…It continued on like that for years…whenever we got together for dinners or get togethers, regardless if it was at home or out at a restaurant, un logon ki alag masjid banna zaroori hi tha…
Fast forward to about 5-6 years ago, my hubby’s best friend got married to a girl from out of state. The girls Khala lived here in our same city so her parents would visit quite frequently. Everytime they were in town, she would insist on going to her khala’s for dinner or to hang out no matter how late it got. One day, the friend was over at our house complaining about how he was getting sick and tired of driving 30+ minutes to see his inlaws every night when he had work the next day. We aaahd and oooohhd sympatheticaly. After he left my husband turned to me and said “had hai yaar…uski biwi ko samajna chaiya, yay kya bachpana hai..” I nearly pee’d in my pants laughing so hard! I had to remind dear husbaaand ji of our own past with the exact same issue and the look on his face was priceless
So cute ainee, chin up…it does get better. Go and enjoy the wedding and try to busy yourself in preps so you don’t feel left out.
Its not a matter of owning someone.
Rather the feeling that you're only important when the family isn't around. Kinda makes you feel like you're not a choice but a convenience.
Wife should a wife no matter whose around.
The flip side is that they don't get to see the family as much as they are with us so space is required.
Well, me and my hubby are going to pakistan soon on my SIL's wedding...The thought of going to Pakistan has always scared me because once i am there in my in-laws,my husband totally ignores me and gives all his time to his own family..I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND that this is quite normal and i should have no issue with it,but no matter how much I try NOT to get bothered by it,still i do have that feeling of loneliness and may be a bit of jealousy too....
Honestly, I don't know how people think it is quite nomal for a person to ignore their spouse when they are with their families or close friends. That's not normal. Maybe your husband does it without being aware of it and realizing how hurtful his behaviour is. A person can throughly enjoy their family **and **be inclusive of their spouse. It's not a mutually exclusive experience. You either enjoy your family or be good to your spouse. I was going to suggest you talk to him but honestly, everyone works differently. Being open & honest with some people just doesn't work.
I wonder what your husband would think is fair if you told him that you have a friend whose husband does this and ask for his male perspective on how your friend should deal with the husband, you'll get more insight into what is going on inside of him. Maybe asking him his perspective will get his mind thinking and then a few days later, tell him that you understand how much fun it is for him to be around his family and you hope that you can be a part of the merriment.
I think most men have a blindspot when it comes to their families. If you tell them almost exactly the same situation, they'll sympathize with the wife, without even realizing they're putting their wives through the same crap.
Honestly, I don't know how people think it is quite nomal for a person to ignore their spouse when they are with their families or close friends. That's not normal. Maybe your husband does it without being aware of it and realizing how hurtful his behaviour is. A person can throughly enjoy their family **and **be inclusive of their spouse. It's not a mutually exclusive experience. You either enjoy your family or be good to your spouse. I was going to suggest you talk to him but honestly, everyone works differently. Being open & honest with some people just doesn't work.
I wonder what your husband would think is fair if you told him that you have a friend whose husband does this and ask for his male perspective on how your friend should deal with the husband, you'll get more insight into what is going on inside of him. Maybe asking him his perspective will get his mind thinking and then a few days later, tell him that you understand how much fun it is for him to be around his family and you hope that you can be a part of the merriment.
Well I dont think it is quite normal for a person to ignore their spouse, if you talking about me, then I said, its quite normal to feel that you are being ignored!
Gosh.. am I the only one here that actually enjoys going to her in laws.. My husband has even complained about me ignoring him when we are visiting his family. lol
Right. The topic was about not entirely understanding that your husband's family lives miles and miles away and only gets to see them once a year, yet you still want him all to yourself.
Maybe he isn't trying to ignore and is cherishing the time he has with his parents. Since the rest of the time is spent with you. The reason why I said enjoying your time with them as well, is that you probably don't get to see them quite often either. So try to enjoy the time instead of being worried about how your husband is behaving towards you for the little time that he is with his family. It doesn't mean he is happy to ignore you.
