I’m a single 21 year old male. My dad runs a hotel and wedding hall in Islamabad, and I’ve seen a fair share of, um, “exotic” weddings take place there. The past week, two Pathan families had their wedding there. And I was spellbound.
Basically, the Pathan girls were extremely attractive! I have to admit, I don’t think I’ve ever seen more beautiful women. Most of their girls tended to be tall, fair-skinned but with a perfect natural shade, curvy, sexy, with large brown and blue eyes, and just stunning in general. They were actually very well educated and were funny and relaxed, and were just so cool! I’ve been thinking for the past few days, and I’ve decided that I want to marry one since they’re so gorgeous and amazing. But I’ve heard they’re very traditional, and sometimes even pretty backward. And that most likely, they don’t marry outside of their ethnicity (even the educated ones, I think?).
I’m obsessed. I keep thinking about the really awesome girls I saw, but like I said, they’re so freaking closed to anyone who’s not of their ethnicity. I keep getting this weird burning feeling in my chest (like, when you have a crush on someone and you just feel weird all the time). I feel like I’m going crazy. Is there any way I can get one to marry me? Or just be friends with one for the time being, at least? Please help!
My Ami is Pathan & my Baba is Punjabi. They married almost 30 years ago & it was an arranged marriage so to ease your tension Pathans do marry out of their ethnicity too.
21 is too young to be thinking about marriage. Even 21 years old girls don't think about marriage these days. The feelings you describe sound like infatuation. Give it some time & it will go away. If It doesn't and it's only one particular girl that keeps on occupying your thoughts then what the heck. Try finding her without actually stalking her, respectfully approach her & try your luck.
Also what makes you think "beauty" guarantees a happy married life or a wonderful wife for that matter. Pathan women are wonderful women but for other reasons not just their "beauty"
You sound quite young and I think you should give it a bit more thought. There is more to marriage than a person's appearance. As the poster above said, beauty does not guarantee a happy or successful marriage. There is much more to consider in marriage, such as compatibility and whether or not you're on the same page in terms of core values, and future goals.
You should also keep in mind that marrying someone of a different cultural background is not all roses and has its challenges. I can tell you that there are major differences between our culture and certain aspects of Pakistani culture.
Examples of differences:
Career and stability - It's generally expected that the groom be established in his career and financially stable, though not necessarily wealthy, prior to considering marriage. As with everything, there are exceptions. Generally though, it's preferred that at least the groom be finished uni and into his career before considering marriage. This is more of an issue with parents than with girls themselves. You stated that you're only 21. If you're done with uni and have begun working towards establishing yourself in your career, you shouldn't have any issues on this front. However, if you're still studying or not properly established, you may have trouble convincing the parents of such girls.
The joint family system - In our culture we generally don't do the whole joint family bit (although, again, there may be exceptions). It is expected that prior to getting married, a gentleman have a place of his own or the means to acquire place of his own (either via buying or renting). Now, this doesn't mean that the groom is expected to completely forget his parents or stop speaking to them completely. Most women wouldn't have a problem with you continuing to help your parents financially or support them if necessary.
Wedding costs - It's also expected that the groom cover all of the expenses related to a wedding, including the engagement party, which tend to be almost as big as weddings in our culture, and other related events. Note that when I say the groom, I mean the groom himself, not his parents.
**Disclaimer: I'm Afghani and the above is what I've observed in our culture, both in Kabul and living abroad. It's quite possible that Pakistani Pashtuns do things a bit differently. Naturally, there is also room for individual differences among families, so I am not implying that what I have observed applies to every single individual.
My cousin is married to a Pathan girl. It was an arranged marriage and for the reasons you have described that is my cousin's parents (Urdu speaking / Punjabi) wanted a fair skinned girl. She did live in a joint family system for quite a long time. Though yes, Pakistani Pathans like Afghanis expect the men to bear the wedding expenses for the most part.
If you should ever mistreat the girl and the girl's father/brother/male cousins should find out, God help you.
Joke joke. :D
No, seriously.
^^ What culture DOESN'T that exist in?
OP: why narrow yourself to one group of people? I don't understood this mentality. If you want to marry a beautiful girl, then let THAT be your criteria. It's quite silly to have the logic: I have seen beautiful Pathan girls. All Pathan girls must be beautiful. Therefore I must marry a Pathan girl.
I don't know how to reply with quotes on here, so please bear with me.
Okay, so I've had a thing for tribal people that speak "Iranic" languages my entire life. No idea why, exactly. That's why I also kinda like Baloch girls, and Tajik girls from Afghanistan too. It's just that I like Pathan girls the most, hands down. I'm interested in the language, the culture, the region (KPK and Afghanistan), the history, and of course the chicks. After seeing so many of them, I'm convinced I wanna spend the rest of my life with a Pathan girl.
I don't really care if I'm too young. If I do manage to meet the right person, why wait, right?
@Mezhgan: That's awesome! I freaking hate joint families too.
@nnabid: It's not even just about beauty of fairness. A lot of them had really sexy natural tans too! I don't know why, but I'm just really attracted to them.
** @Iconoclast**: I asked one of the hotel workers where the families that stayed were from, and he said they were Pathans. One from Charsadda, and the other from Malakand.
Anyway, I've made up my mind. Without seeming lame, I'm gonna try hanging out with Pathans in Islamabad from now on. They have their own crowd, and I figured that if I can make some connections now, it would be worthwhile in the future. Not doing this to just try and get married, but because I'm genuinely interested in the people and culture too.
@Theorist: Why is this funny? Anyway, I'm not attracted to Kashmiri girls or the culture at all. I know they're really pretty too, but that spark just isn't there. :l
@Theorist: Why is this funny? Anyway, I'm not attracted to Kashmiri girls or the culture at all. I know they're really pretty too, but that spark just isn't there. :l
Because it just is! Mezghan is right. Pathan men are really protective of their women. You should be careful especially if they are tribal ones. It seems like you are attracted to the Pashtun culture. Know this that many Pathans are very proud borderline arrogant about who they are. Those kind really tick me off. I have a few examples in my own family.
But I've heard they're very traditional, and sometimes even pretty backward. And that most likely, they don't marry outside of their ethnicity (even the educated ones, I think?).
Some tribes don't even marry outside of family. The vast majority of Afridis don't.
@Theorist: Thanks for the heads up, bro. I can't stand arrogance either. I'll keep that in mind, but it won't deter me from my mission. And just out of curiosity, you have Pathans in your family? What are they like? How do they act, and are they racist?
@queer: Your comment makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, but okay.
@Jolie: I see. I don't care if the one I marry isn't Afridi, though. If I'm correct, neither of the families I saw were Adfridi, since I believe Afridis are from the Bara/Peshawar reigon(?).
@Theorist: Thanks for the heads up, bro. I can't stand arrogance either. I'll keep that in mind, but it won't deter me from my mission. And just out of curiosity, you have Pathans in your family? What are they like? How do they act, and are they racist?
@queer: Your comment makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, but okay.
@Jolie: I see. I don't care if the one I marry isn't Afridi, though. If I'm correct, neither of the families I saw were Adfridi, since I believe Afridis are from the Bara/Peshawar reigon(?).
It's only some of my older cousins on Naniyaal side. Never lived with them but met them a few times, they really put me off. Yes, they are beyond racist. They think any non-pathans are below them. For whatever reason, they don't like Punjabis.
Please help!