Okay, firstly me and my hubby are very much in love and very happy, mostly. The problem is when im upset for whatever reason, i don’t get the consoling, protective, let me make it better response from him. I have been feeling really down for the past 3 days for several reasons. Stress with family, education, and most importantly feeling lonely and missing him because he works out of state on weekdays he is supposed to move back home in a year 
anyway so i was upset and told him, and he takes it as no big deal or startes getting kind of annoyed about being ungrateful for all i have. That is nottt what i want to hear. I told him so many times, god please just try to be nice, supportive and show u love me and ill feel better. I just need some love and reassurance. Well he just said im being ungrateful, which caused me to shut him out and not pick up his calls all day. I finally did, and he was actually being caring and nice and i broke down crying, and we talked, he was being sweet, i was just beginningtto feel better, when he mentions he has to go now coz he has to do some project work. I felt hurt that here i am, a mess, jut barely stopped crying and now hes leaving anddd he just told me hed been watching for 2 hours. U have time for that, but not me+? Anyway so he leaves, u have a burning fever, cant sleep all nightt and pretend to be asleeo wen he calls me next morning. Than he comes home, calls me and i sound down. He asks me wats wrong and y am i being so weird for 3 days, and y am i having a attack for no reason. I tell him as if u care, and than the fight starts. Ahhh now im depressed, and wish it didnt happen. I probably over reacted but i swear guys everytime im upset, sharing it with him just makes it a million times worse i i feel like i will never be able to depend on him for support and uplifting. Please telle what to do and if im over reacting. And pleaseee no harsh hurtful comments, i already feel ****ty as is.
Re: how are husbands supposed to react when the wife is upset?
- how are husbands supposed to react when the wife is upset?
This philosophical problem has puzzled very smart people for centuries and has not rendered itself to a satisfactory explanation.
You like to be consoled in one way, he consoles in another way. You guys will have to find a happy medium.
Lastly, do not think your husband is the replacement for your girlfriends.
Re: how are husbands supposed to react when the wife is upset?
You are not overreacting; in fact you haven't done enough.
Beckon him to come closer to you. When he's in your face, start coughing. Hose him down with your highly contagious spittle. Aim for his eyes and other orifices of the face. Should he fall sick, he will take off from work and you can have him all to yourself.
Re: how are husbands supposed to react when the wife is upset?
You like to be consoled in one way, he consoles in another way. You guys will have to find a happy medium.
Lastly, do not think your husband is the replacement for your girlfriends.
How??? He refuses to listen to anything i say and gets defensive. He thinks im too sensitive and emotional and hes tired of trying to make me happy. I told him exactly how i would like him to react since he said he was confused. But he says no, i dont tell u do stuff for me, why are u telling me? Goddd y cant he just do this if he knows its effecting me so much. Now he says he thinks were too different. And im starting to agree.
Re: how are husbands supposed to react when the wife is upset?
You are not overreacting; in fact you haven't done enough.
Beckon him to come closer to you. When he's in your face, start coughing. Hose him down with your highly contagious spittle. Aim for his eyes and other orifices of the face. Should he fall sick, he will take off from work and you can have him all to yourself.
What???
Re: how are husbands supposed to react when the wife is upset?
the day he understands you well enough, he will KNOW exactly how to do ALL that you need in order to get consoled. i think it's hard for men to understand the woman's feelings in general. it all depends what kind of close contact and interaction you had with your own sisters, childhood friends, friends at work etc. i'm saying this because we are three brothers and we are all different. i spent most of my time back home with my sisters, cousins and neighbourhood girls...i'm more understanding and empathetic to their feelings, alHamdolillah.
Re: how are husbands supposed to react when the wife is upset?
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Re: how are husbands supposed to react when the wife is upset?
the day he understands you well enough, he will KNOW exactly how to do ALL that you need in order to get consoled. i think it's hard for men to understand the woman's feelings in general. it all depends what kind of close contact and interaction you had with your own sisters, childhood friends, friends at work etc. i'm saying this because we are thrtee brothers and we are all different. i spent most of my time back home with my sisters, cousins and neighbourhood girls...i'm more understanding and empathetic to their feelings, alHamdolillah.
That may be true. Hes never had friends who were girls aand never been in any relationships. Hes also not close to his sister or mom. But what do i do?? How do i make him understand??
Re: how are husbands supposed to react when the wife is upset?
Like X2 said, your husband will not fret over you the way your mother would when you're sick. Women are better at providing that nurturing type of attention than men, generally.
You said the main reason behind your anxiety is that you miss him. I think the reason he treats it ad no big deal is because he knows he can't get out of work and that things are going to by this way for the next year. Maybe he doesn't see the point of complaining about something he has to do and cannot control. As for him calling you ungrateful, maybe it's because he sees showing his care as being able to provide for you. It cannot be easy for him to live away from home and manage on his own, but it's a sacrifice he has made to provide for you. If you feel that you both don't talk as often, discuss it with him and he can maybe skype or call/text more often.
You avoided his calls all day and he got the message that he needs to change his response and he did. He could have given you the cold shoulder or gotten angry with you for ignoring his calls, but he didn't. Instead he took the time to comfort you as best he could. He doesn't have absolute freedom at work, there could be coworkers waiting on him for this project. He is going to expect more flexibility/understanding from you than the people he works under/with. So, try to see his limitations. The project required more attention. Nevertheless he didn't totally ignore or dismiss you; he listened and as you said was very "sweet." There was nothing that he could have done for your raging fever and exhaustion besides telling you to take medication and try to get some sleep; but you know that as well. He tried calling the next morning, but you ignored his calls. Maybe he wanted to check up on you and if so, you didn't give him the opportunity to show that. When he came home, he still asked about you and maybe he views his asking as showing concern and that's why he got upset when you accused him of not caring; plus he was prolly also tired from work. You ignored his calls twice. Try to recognize his efforts. Maybe he'll understand you better if you, without complaining, tell him what you want him to do. Easier said than done I know, but u can try that.
Re: how are husbands supposed to react when the wife is upset?
That may be true. Hes never had friends who were girls aand never been in any relationships. Hes also not close to his sister or mom. But what do i do?? How do i make him understand??
i think you tell him from time to time as to how you feel and how you would like to be taken care. i guess it's the way ... well, i dunno because i'm NOT married yet! :(
Re: how are husbands supposed to react when the wife is upset?
Thank u red velvet. I know im wrong in some form. But what do i do about him not being there when i upset? Do i just stop telling him my problems? Do i accept it that u can not run to my husband for emotional support. Im a very private person and hate discussing my problems with friends, hes the only one i open upto. And i always had this idea that ur husband would see u upset and do anything to make u happy. Is that extremely stupid? Am i expecting too much? How can i change all of this? Will i ever be able to change him or myself? Which is easier?
Re: how are husbands supposed to react when the wife is upset?
How??? He refuses to listen to anything i say and gets defensive. He thinks im too sensitive and emotional and hes tired of trying to make me happy. I told him exactly how i would like him to react since he said he was confused. But he says no, i dont tell u do stuff for me, why are u telling me? Goddd y cant he just do this if he knows its effecting me so much. Now he says he thinks were too different. And im starting to agree.
Omg. My fiancé and I have had this exact conversation before. Except our roles were reversed. Does this mean I'm the man in our relationship? Lol.
Re: how are husbands supposed to react when the wife is upset?
Omg. My fiancé and I have had this exact conversation before. Except our roles were reversed. Does this mean I'm the man in our relationship? Lol.
Can you tell me your story and your point of view? Maybe seeing yr side will help me see my hubbies side
Re: how are husbands supposed to react when the wife is upset?
Can more guys please reply and tell is this man thing? Do men just not get emotional women?
Re: how are husbands supposed to react when the wife is upset?
Thank u red velvet. I know im wrong in some form. But what do i do about him not being there when i upset? Do i just stop telling him my problems? Do i accept it that u can not run to my husband for emotional support. Im a very private person and hate discussing my problems with friends, hes the only one i open upto. And i always had this idea that ur husband would see u upset and do anything to make u happy. Is that extremely stupid? Am i expecting too much? How can i change all of this? Will i ever be able to change him or myself? Which is easier?
^I don't know; I wish I had definite answers. If he's not there when you're upset due to a valid/necessary reason like work/appointments, etc....then try to be flexible. This'll give you some time to calm down. Talking to him when you're stressed and he's busy can get messy. Think about your problems; some of them may be the kind that you can't really do anything about. If there's no real solution to it, then it's just venting. Sometimes the more you vent about something you don't have control over, it can drain you and the listener. For some problems, you have to suck it up and get the work done because moaning about it all the time will accomplish nothing. For example, with your education....the coursework has to get done; there's little your husband can do to help especially if he's miles away. If you are having family issues with a relative who doesn't want to fix themselves/take responsibility; there's little you can do. So reflect over the nature of your problems....as in are they fixable or do you keep complaining about the same things over and over again that are not within your control. Also, could you be rushing to vent as opposed to giving a situation time to see how it plays out? I think you need to have other friends besides your husband to open up to. Being heavily dependent on him can wear him down and leave you feeling hurt/insecure.
Re: how are husbands supposed to react when the wife is upset?
you need a nanny not a husband.
Re: how are husbands supposed to react when the wife is upset?
I don't see him doing anything wrong in all this.
Re: how are husbands supposed to react when the wife is upset?
you need a nanny not a husband.
No need for personal attacks. I clearly asked in mu post to not give any harsh hurtful commebts. If u dont have anything good to say, dont say anything. You can simply just leave the thread if you can't be nice.
Re: how are husbands supposed to react when the wife is upset?
^I don't know; I wish I had definite answers. If he's not there when you're upset due to a valid/necessary reason like work/appointments, etc....then try to be flexible. This'll give you some time to calm down. Talking to him when you're stressed and he's busy can get messy. Think about your problems; some of them may be the kind that you can't really do anything about. If there's no real solution to it, then it's just venting. Sometimes the more you vent about something you don't have control over, it can drain you and the listener. For some problems, you have to suck it up and get the work done because moaning about it all the time will accomplish nothing. For example, with your education....the coursework has to get done; there's little your husband can do to help especially if he's miles away. If you are having family issues with a relative who doesn't want to fix themselves/take responsibility; there's little you can do. So reflect over the nature of your problems....as in are they fixable or do you keep complaining about the same things over and over again that are not within your control. Also, could you be rushing to vent as opposed to giving a situation time to see how it plays out? I think you need to have other friends besides your husband to open up to. Being heavily dependent on him can wear him down and leave you feeling hurt/insecure.
Thank youu. I will try to fo these things iA. Thank you