Re: housewifes pay
suggestions?
Re: housewifes pay
if you can't help out your mom monetarily.........you can help her out doing the house work??
Re: housewifes pay
lil_ash:
That's actually very sad. :( My heart goes out for your mom. It must be very lonely for her emotionally. Unfortunately, it really is too late for your mom. Nothing will change in her marriage at this point. This is why I'm a big advocate for women asking for and ensuring that they're respected from day 1. Unfortunately since your mother never stood up for herself before....and I imagine its been decades since they married....she has allowed this to become a "way of life". It's almost impossible to allow your husband to get away with treating you a certain way for 15/20/25 years....and then all of a sudden ask that he change.
For what its worth....at least she has you. Since your dad doesn't have an issue with giving you money....perhaps you can get money from him and then give some to your mom. Out of curiosity....have you ever had a simple conversation with your dad(just the two of you) where you asked him casually why your mom doesn't have a credit card in her name?
Re: housewifes pay
if you can't help out your mom monetarily.........you can help her out doing the house work??
I do actually. But that doesn't give her financial independence.
Re: housewifes pay
lil_ash:
For what its worth....at least she has you. Since your dad doesn't have an issue with giving you money....perhaps you can get money from him and then give some to your mom. Out of curiosity....have you ever had a simple conversation with your dad(just the two of you) where you asked him casually why your mom doesn't have a credit card in her name?
I do actually, I take her out give her half of my allowance or get her things she needs or wants. But thats not the issue, its the respect and allowance she should get from her husband and son who work fulltime. Because she earned and deserves it. Talking to my dad is pointless, he himself is at a point of age where he needs to rest and not take any mental stress or feel guilty.
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Obama supports back to college moms. :@:
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^ does he support the hungry family at home in need of home cooked food. :D
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:no:
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;)
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to be honest with you, if you cant stand for your mom's right and feeling bad, then it is better for you to support her both financially and physically.
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^Financially I can't support her, I'm an unemployed student, looking for a job. Physically I do help her.
Re: housewifes pay
lil_ash, my mum is currently a houswife.
However, when me and my bro hit our teens, something overcame my mum and she just wanted to make something of herself.
She got married at 18 and was from a pretty sheltered family.
But she went to college, did a diploma which allowed her to become a teaching assistant, then worked her way up and worked for the local council, however since june went back to being a houswife.
No matter how much we lament your mothers situation, your fathers and brothers personality will not change over night.
I think you need to push your mother in a direction where she earns some respect, she can do anything she sets her mind to.
There are some ladies in the community who sell samosas etc at markets, can she sew? maybe she can earn some money that way?
Ok the money women earn from small jobs will not pay the bills etc but will definitely give her self worth and a little more confidence.
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yup I know exactly how you feel lil_ash. Sadly, nothing can be done about it :(
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lil ash, so if your mom won't speak out for herself, why dont you?
yes she may get upset at you for speaking, but in the end if your speaking out makes it easier for her, why not?
or give your bro and dad this discussions link, and I can set them straight right here.
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There is no parallel to our mothers , and nothing can repay what they have done for us and still doing . May Allah shower his blessings on them , and enable us to do any good if we can do it for them . Ameen .
Re: housewifes pay
My mother is a housewife, all her life, she has taken care of her husband and us, her kids, doing her best to keep her home in good condition and giving the best values and love to her family. But one thing that hurts me a lot is that regardless of the fact that she has done and still does her duty 24/7, she is appreciated or paid for it. Don't get me wrong, but this is my observation, for MOST housewives that they are not appreciated enough, nor are paid enough, by pay I mean given an allowance. My mother always has to ask my dad and few times by brother for money, which is mostly for house needs, not her personal needs, but is first bombarded with questions for what the needs are, and then given a little lecture about how earning money is hard and she needs to control the spending, and after giving the money, they do it like its a burden or are doing a favor on her. Maybe she should be paid an hourly wage for as well for taking care my her husband's kids, and his house, maybe us, her kids should pay her an hourly wage for taking care of us and loving us. But obviously, she doesn't do it for money. Its usually the men, or at least the case in my house. My mom always has to ASK for money to fulfill her needs. I wasn't expecting that from my brother, since his own wife works, and he has seen my mother's situation, but I see him following my dad's footsteps toward her as well, which saddens me. Why can't a housewife be given an allowance without being asked what for? Just because they stay home and are not paid a regular salary makes it easy to intimidate them/control them, I guess. Is this the situation with every housewife? I know when I get married, I won't be staying home for sure, even if I have to work at McDonald, I will, but I will feel so ashamed of asking my husband for money. What do the rest of the housewives have to say?
your bro is on the wrong path....he shouldnot question your mother regarding the money...infact he should give her the money before she asks him. i will say speak to your bro politely and calmly and make him realise that she is his mother, she has done sooo much for him and now its his duty.
as for your father well you can speak to him as well but since he is the husband so he might think that your mom told you to say all this.
if your dad and bro are not willing to change then maybe you can do part time work and help your mom out.
all the best.
Been there, done that. Before the kids came, when I was working full time, I handed every paycheck over to hubby , and then would have to endure the endless "iski kya zarroorat thi" and abhi to shopping gain thi tum, phir kuch liya kya?" etc, etc, don't get me wrong, my hubby is very generous, and financially smart, we live a good life, and alhamdullilah are not lacking anything, but the constant questioning was starting to ware me down! Especially after i quit the workforce and was at home...So after taking a 5 year hiatus to stay home with the babies, I went back to work full time, last year, but with some changes. After having a heart to heart talk with him, we came up with this plan: I now get my paycheck divided into 3 separate auto deductions: 1/3 goes straight into our joint savings acct, 1/3 into our joint household checking account, and the last 1/3 I keep in own personal account, that is completely my own play money to do with as I choose. It's made our relationship much stronger...I no longer have ask him for money or answer an endless barrage of questions and hubby is satisfied knowing that our "nest egg" is growing too! I learned this tactic from Suze Orman, the finance expert who's always on TV...it's extremely important for women to have their own financial autonomy....
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^khattichic I like your idea...
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What makes you guys think that a joint checking account means the spouse is less controlling somehow?
I know wives who have access to the joint account where the husband is the sole breadwinner but they will not spend a dime unless it's approved beforehand.
relationships and marriages are a bit mroe complicated than the simple advice that's just dished out on forums/magazines/tv shows etc.
Re: housewifes pay
What makes you guys think that a joint checking account means the spouse is less controlling somehow?
I know wives who have access to the joint account where the husband is the sole breadwinner but they will not spend a dime unless it's approved beforehand.
relationships and marriages are a bit mroe complicated than the simple advice that's just dished out on forums/magazines/tv shows etc.
I agree ... but sometimes you get real gems of help ... look at what khattichic recommended ... it is actually what Islamic exegesis prescribes anyway ... housewives must be given their own money to spend how they wish, so a joint account will not suffice, at least two accounts are needed ... and if lil_ash is clever about it slowly dropping the hints to her male family members, with subtle reminders of this using various forms of media to portray the message eventually they will be well primed to hear the full fledged request ... it can be done over the period of a year ... but it does work.