My mother is a housewife, all her life, she has taken care of her husband and us, her kids, doing her best to keep her home in good condition and giving the best values and love to her family. But one thing that hurts me a lot is that regardless of the fact that she has done and still does her duty 24/7, she is appreciated or paid for it. Don’t get me wrong, but this is my observation, for MOST housewives that they are not appreciated enough, nor are paid enough, by pay I mean given an allowance. My mother always has to ask my dad and few times by brother for money, which is mostly for house needs, not her personal needs, but is first bombarded with questions for what the needs are, and then given a little lecture about how earning money is hard and she needs to control the spending, and after giving the money, they do it like its a burden or are doing a favor on her. Maybe she should be paid an hourly wage for as well for taking care my her husband’s kids, and his house, maybe us, her kids should pay her an hourly wage for taking care of us and loving us. But obviously, she doesn’t do it for money. Its usually the men, or at least the case in my house. My mom always has to ASK for money to fulfill her needs. I wasn’t expecting that from my brother, since his own wife works, and he has seen my mother’s situation, but I see him following my dad’s footsteps toward her as well, which saddens me. Why can’t a housewife be given an allowance without being asked what for? Just because they stay home and are not paid a regular salary makes it easy to intimidate them/control them, I guess. Is this the situation with every housewife? I know when I get married, I won’t be staying home for sure, even if I have to work at McDonald, I will, but I will feel so ashamed of asking my husband for money. What do the rest of the housewives have to say?
Re: housewifes pay
I think there is nothing wrong if i ask my wife where she spend the money.
Just an hour ago she was going out asked for money, i gave her my debit card - in return if i asked how much she taken and where she spend, nothing wrong with it, IMO.
by the way its not like only women work 24/7 and blah blah. it's vice versa.
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^ but if she worked, and spent from her own pocket, would you still ask her? And yes they do work 24/7, its a constant struggle of keeping the house and family together.
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^u may be a just husband.but a lot r there in society who want housewife but when they have to expend some money on them,they treat them as they r doing some kind of charity .....
that is all mind set of our society nothing else......friendly inquiry is ok but....
few r zalim bollywood husband
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My mum is a housewife, but I call her a lady of leisure, her and my dad share a joint account, she spends as she pleases but is very sensible about it and understands how hard my dad works to earn it , there is nothing wrong with a husband who is earning asking his wife.
However, if the wife feels she has to lower herself, beg for money be humiliated etc then thats something altogether different.
lil_ash, can your mother get a job?
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^ Shes never worked, has no experience out of home. Shes at an age where she needs rest. But don't you think just asking for money is kind of humiliating? Shouldn't a houswife be given an allowance? A women that works outside the house doesn't get asked where she spends her money. The difference is, one works out of love for her family not for money, and one works out for whatever reason, money/independence.
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She shouldn't have to constantly ask for money. There should be a system in place whereby your mum has easy access to money, whether that is by way of a joint account or a pot of money within the house.
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My dad used to handover all money to my mom and she spent it wisely, and she was the one who gave money back to my dad as he needed.
have you ever spoken to your dad about this issue?
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^The men in my house have a bit of controlling/trust issue. Maybe its my mom's soft spoken personality that leads to it, because my dad has no issue giving me money/allowance regardless of me asking or needing it.
Re: housewifes pay
^The men in my house have a bit of controlling/trust issue. Maybe its my mom's soft spoken personality that leads to it, because my dad has no issue giving me money/allowance regardless of me asking or needing it.
i feel pity for your mom.
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Men always turn out just like their fathers. fact.
Your mom should definitely have access to the money in some way or another. She shouldn't have to ask every time she needs to spend on the house or even herself. Isn't there like a monthly "allowance" set aside for her to spend on the house stuff?
I could never be financially dependent on anyone, and this is why every woman should be or at least have the capability of being financially independent so she doesn't feel like this.
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I find it interesting that you wrote a lot about YOUR feelings regarding the situation your mother is in....but you never mentioned how SHE feels about it. Has she ever said or done anything that showed you that she's unhappy with the situation? I only ask b/c I do know women who really don't mind situations like that...for whatever reason. You and I might think they're being treated unfairly....but they don't. And if you mother is unhappy about it....has she ever spoken with your dad? Has your dad actually refused to make her a joint user on his credit cards or bank accounts?
Moving onto us. My mother was a career woman up until she had my siblings(she's highly educated). Once she became a housewife...she never got a credit card in her name. She completely gave up her independance. Like your mom, my mom also asks my dad for money every single time she needs it for something. However.....my dad rarely asks her WHY she needs it. My mom generally doesn't ask for large amounts of cash....and she rarely goes out without my dad so usually when she shops....he's with her. But I will add this....I've heard my dad suggest to my mom NUMEROUS times over the years that she get her own card...or to make her a joint account holder...b/c he actually gets annoyed at being asked for $ all the time. He knows that she's not irresponsible and tries his best to give her more "freedom". Yet my mother....for whatever reason....CHOOSES not to take that "freedom" and continues to ask him every...frigging...time. Obviously she herself is not bothered by this at all. My siblings and I have even asked her why she just doesn't get a card in her name and she just shurgs her shoulders.
My fiance's mom has ALWAYS been a stay-home wife/mother. She's a joint account holder on her husband's accounts and has her own credit cards. I've gone out with her on several occassions (without fiance's dad) where she has spent money (that it wasn't a "planned purchase") without asking permission (and she didn't seem "worried" about it so I'm assuming this doesn't cause any issues).
I myself will give up my career once we have kids and will do something similar to what my fiance's parents do (joint accounts where I have direct access to $$). However...I will add that if my husband were to ask me where I spent the money if he sees a unusual or large amount spent....I honestly will not be offended by it. I also don't really agree with an allowance. Children are given allowances. A PARTNER shouldn't be. I think there should be a joint account where both wife and husband have access to the money. And both should agree that if EITHER one wants to spend over a certain amount....it will be discussed first (that "cut off" amount can vary depending on income level).
Personally....I don't feel that a wife should do whatever she wants with her paycheck....just like a husband's shouldn't either. Once married....it's a PARTNERSHIP! My fiance and I already discuss major spending BEFORE either one of us spends. Whether it's a big shopping trip, vacations, major items for the house, car expenses etc....if its more than $200.....we generally discuss it before we spend. Both of us refer to the money as "our" money. After all....if we're not careful....it'll be OUR future that'e effected.
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^The men in my house have a bit of controlling/trust issue. Maybe its my mom's soft spoken personality that leads to it, because my dad has no issue giving me money/allowance regardless of me asking or needing it.
so you are not softspoken??
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Men always turn out just like their fathers. fact.
Your mom should definitely have access to the money in some way or another. She shouldn't have to ask every time she needs to spend on the house or even herself. Isn't there like a monthly "allowance" set aside for her to spend on the house stuff?
I could never be financially dependent on anyone, and this is why every woman should be or at least have the capability of being financially independent so she doesn't feel like this.
Not necessarily. My grandfather was the same way with money and my dad turned out to be the exact OPPOSITE. THANK GOD!!
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Anyways, I agree there is nothing wrong with an ocassional/simple/monthly friendly inquiry but the kind of behaviour you describe is just REDIC and annoying and trust me I hear about stories like this all the time, so nothing new unfortunately. The whole inquiry process of "kitney paisay, kahan paisay, konsay paisay, ITNA KHARCHA, kya kar rahee ho, control karo, meray paas naheen hai, asmaan se paison ki barish nahee hoti hai" everytime the homemaker asks for is so demeaning and embrassing. But then again it all comes down to trust. The person earning should trust their partner enought to know that he or she won't sqaunder their life savings. The homemaker in turn should understand the income, expenses and the burden of the breadwinner in the family ( which Im sure your mom does :) )
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^ No she doesn't tell us how she feels. She usually keeps things to herself, but I can tell from her face that she doesn't like it. It has come to a point that she doesn't even ask my dad for money unless its really needed for house supplies. She was out of medicines and she didn't even bother asking my dad or a whole week until I asked I brother, he later handed her medicine with a bit of an attitude, and I saw her cry alone in her room after and she yelled at me for asking by brother for it. No there has been no system of her having her own allowance other than house needs. Nor my dad or by brother think that maybe they should hand her some $$ to spend on herself. I guess they don't think that she cares for spending on herself so they don't bother about pampering her either.
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so why don't you do anything for your mom........???
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JOINT ACCOUNT. Tell your mum to stand up a bit more and ask for one, or otherwise cut off the roti supply/stop cleaning.
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so you are not softspoken??
nops I'm not. If I have a need or want something I say it, if I see something wrong I say it or fight for it, she doesn't.
Re: housewifes pay
JOINT ACCOUNT. Tell your mum to stand up a bit more and ask for one, or otherwise cut off the roti supply/stop cleaning.
LOL I WISH! she can't or won't. She just doesn't have the personality of a person who would cause trouble at home for money. If she doesn't clean no one would care, she does it cause she knows its her home and no one else would do it.