You’re married, living with your husband and you have 3 children in the age-group of 1-4 yrs. Eldest of your kid goes to kindergarden from 9 am - 1 pm. You dont work outside house, but its your job to clean up, cook and do grocery. Your husband on the other hand works from 8 am till 9 pm (at times even 10 pm).
Is it fair to ask your husband to help you once he gets home? Plz all feminists be reasonable. I know very well that housewife is a tough job, but still. Only serious replies.
responsibilities towards raising a family doesn't end...its 24/7 for both...husband and wife. so, a wife is also a human, she is supposed to get tired oo just like the hubby...so, somebody has to tend for kids...share the resposnibility amicably...husband and wife must feel for each other and do as best as they can :)
but for your husband to be working from 8am to 9pm (sometimes 10pm) is hard enough! imagine how he feels when he gets home so tired? he must be missing his kids all day, and probably by the time he gets home his kids are asleep.
i think your husband does morethanenough to contribute in your household.
^True, so which one of them should tend for the kids more?
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both...couples must put themselves into each other's shoes and ask this...i know she is tired, i am tired too but i would rather let my beloved wife take a bit of rest and i'll do that and vice versa...try to take sabqat [english meN iska equivalent word nai hai shaayad].**
Sweetmoi,
This was the exact situation in my family lol! I had the 3 boys very close together, my hubby works very long hours and I stay home with them. All 3 are in school now, the youngest just entered kindergarten so my life is much more organized these days.
I have to say that the years when they were infants and toddlers were the toughest years of my life, and also my hubby's. Happiest also! But exhausting and very difficult. When you have a career, sure its stressful and the day is long. But you get to leave work and come home. You get paid vacation and sick time. You get a lunch hour. You get challenging and interesting adult interaction.
Moms are on duty 24-7-365. No breaks, no vacations, no sick time, not much (if any) challenging or interesting interaction with adults. You fulfill your duties no matter how sick or tired you are, no matter what the time of day or night.
Dont take that as a complaint - its just how things are. Lucky me, I married a gem of a man who understood all this very well. He would come home and take over the care of the boys. He would give me time when I needed it - taking over care of the boys when I was sick or needed a break. When I got feeling overwhelmed and behind on the housework, he'd get out the vacuum and mop and get caught up on housework. He is a true parent and a true team mate. When my dad was sick with cancer, he worked from home for a few weeks, cared for the boys and the house so that I could fly down and see my dad. He gave me time with my dad before he passed and I'll be forever grateful for that time.
Just the fact that theres no break from motherhood can sometimes feel overwhelming. I cant imagine having gone through the early years with my boys with a husband who leaves everything to the mom.
BUT.. what if the husband has his "own" lil buisness, which means he actually works 7 days a week (shorter on weekends) and cannot take time off, has no workers and have to do it all by himself.. my point is would your take be any different with different work-load?
I guess it is unfair....i never ask my husband to do something when he comes home from work. but now that im working, he does help otu a little bit. is it possible for the wife to hire help to come in several times a month just for the cleaning?
^the situation is ''hypothetical''. I am not even married :p but thank you for the reply
... then she must be your bhabi :p
well... he has to make time for his family ... work work and work is just not an excuse to get away from his responsibilities as a father and as a husband..
wese seriously .. why no sympathies towards 'housewives'?
depending on the nature of the husband's job, he should make an effort to be home more for his children and you, by hiring help at his business or cutting hours however he may want to do it. Its his house too, and they are his children as much as they are his wife's. While he is home, "haath batana" is not going to make the man any less of a man.."being tired" is part of parenthood....after all its his "home"....a little sacrifice has never hurt anyone :)
Lolz u wish.. no she is not... My brother is a good husband/father :p (I think)
I just came up with the situation (of course there are some extreme and some real life ends to it - ab itni imagination be nahin hai meri) to have some different POV on the subject .. I'm all for equality, but within limits and with seen aspects from both side ...
I dont think so he could help her in house hold things, when he come back its allmost over every thing… what can he do, talk to her various things, about kids about or appreciate her for her duties and give her a SWEET HUG :aq:
on his days off help her in kitchen, washings, etc etc.. mitual understandings is bridge between a couple
BUT.. what if the husband has his "own" lil buisness, which means he actually works 7 days a week (shorter on weekends) and cannot take time off, has no workers and have to do it all by himself.. my point is would your take be any different with different work-load?
Sweetmoi, no my take is the same. No matter how many hours hubby is at work, mom is always at work. There are various solutions - hiring someone part-time to mind the business for a little while each week or close the business for half a day each week or hiring some household help. Sacrifice, cooperation and teamwork are essential elements to family life and the most important thing is the well-being of the family. That means emotional well being as well as financial well being. I mean, if the choice is big house and lexus but miserable family or small house and used car but happy and loving family - hands down I'd choose to have a happy family.
If I was in that situation I would be telling my hubby to reduce his hours of work, not so he could help me but to ensure he had a decent relationship with his kids!
It depends on what one partner is willing to give and the other willing to take. If your husband likes to help around after work, theres nothing like it, however, if your husband is only willing to lend his hand on weekends and not on weekdays, you can hire a maid.. Off course it is no substitute to the support of your husband but a way to shed off the workload..
i think i wouldnt expect him to help...at the end of the day being at home is being at home...BUT i wouldnt be happy if this was the long term plan for life..i could understand it for maybe a year or 2 during financial diffculties.but apart from that i wouldnt expect him to help during that time..and id be more wiser in the planning of children lol...
That's a very long day for him. Now I don't think that if something comes up he should refuse to help, but she shouldn't expect A LOT from him. And if the wife needs additional help with cooking, cleaning, carpooling, etc, the hubby and wife should discuss and agree to hire outside help.
He's never off duty as a dad. Just like she's never off duty as a mom. That should be clear. Things like cooking, cleaning, etc should be discussed and outside help should be called in.
Sometimes (actually many times!) its just a matter of sitting down with the kids for a meal or giving them a bath before bedtime and then tucking them in for the night. By that time, mom is just stick-a-fork-in-me-I'm-done. And the dad, even if he's had a long hard day at work, should look at this as bonding time with his children.
