Re: Housewife and help?
as long as he is not expected to do stuff that she should have done, had plenty of time to do and just did not do unless there were specific circumstances. Cooperation and sharing of duties is important but if the wife did not put in the effort she should have and expects the husband to help her with things she should have done, then that is not right.
Re: Housewife and help?
^ well said. for busy dads, spending quality time with kids is much more important than mopping or vacuuming when they come home. if the wife is overwhelmed and finances allow it, DO hire some help.
Re: Housewife and help?
In a true teamwork situation, this shouldnt be a worry. Both parents know each other and work together yeah? There were times when I indeed had enough time to accomplish the things that should have been done but did not have the strength or fortitude to accomplish them. Theres a difference as I;m sure you know...theres just times occasionally when one partner or the other needs a break man. And one of lifes biggest blessings is to have a partner who can recognize, accept and act upon that.
And as long as its taken as a blessing and not as a requirement lol, things will be happy and blissful in hearth and home!
Re: Housewife and help?
well sweetmoi unless u r married n hav small kids u can only hav ur views abt wat's fair n unfair u might think the lady is all day home n guy is working coz u r not in her shoes. but the fact is where is the dad's role in this situation? is a father or a husband just suppose to bring in money? if the wife takes care of kids n house n run outside errrands n hubby only doing his office/business job there's no balance. if a husband comes home eat, watch tv n go to bed wat is he good for? no matter how tired a man is after work he should hav some sort of involvement around the house. he can bring in grocerry on his way home, chk kid's homework, play n keep them busy while mom does something else, put them to bed. i don't think these lilttle things r a lot to ask for. or if whole week is a busy schedule he can make up on the weekends. As a dad he should be spending time with his kids. as a husband he should provide comfort to his wife.
Among most of our family friends moms r stay at home moms but dads do grocerry, banking or pick n drop kids from programmes after school. only 1-2 families i know where everything is the mom's job.
Imagine:
You're married, living with your husband and you have 3 children in the age-group of 1-4 yrs. Eldest of your kid goes to kindergarden from 9 am - 1 pm. You dont work outside house, but its your job to clean up, cook and do grocery. Your husband on the other hand works from 8 am till 9 pm (at times even 10 pm).
Is it fair to ask your husband to help you once he gets home? Plz all feminists be reasonable. I know very well that housewife is a tough job, but still. Only serious replies.
Thank you
Ps. No, its not about me :D
I dont think its a matter of fair and unfair. Its more so that he sould have some time in the day to spend with his kids...it can be something like reading a book or changing diapers or whatever.
He works long hours and wife is with the children all day. Both are working equally hard to make their little family happy. But if they dont help each other out, they wont really get to enjoy their children.
Its his responsibility to spend time with his kids and hers to facilitate that.
Re: Housewife and help?
im not a parent and will never be a father especially, but......if ure too tired to deal with a child after coming home from work all day long......why have kids?
In a true teamwork situation, this shouldnt be a worry. Both parents know each other and work together yeah? There were times when I indeed had enough time to accomplish the things that should have been done but did not have the strength or fortitude to accomplish them. Theres a difference as I;m sure you know...theres just times occasionally when one partner or the other needs a break man. And one of lifes biggest blessings is to have a partner who can recognize, accept and act upon that.
And as long as its taken as a blessing and not as a requirement lol, things will be happy and blissful in hearth and home!
sometimes, sure, but what if it was habitual, when the wife had the time but just did not do it, and then expected the husband to pick up the slack, after he had put in a full days effort at work.
Thats what I am talking about.
sometimes, sure, but what if it was habitual, when the wife had the time but just did not do it, and then expected the husband to pick up the slack, after he had put in a full days effort at work. Thats what I am talking about.
Thats what I was talking about .. Hubby doing housework after duty..
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well sweetmoi unless u r married n hav small kids u can only hav ur views abt wat's fair n unfair u might think the lady is all day home n guy is working coz u r not in her shoes.
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I think we all have views about everything and there is nothing wrong with having them. You make it sound like being a housewife=mathyrism... when infact many of them has plenty of time to watch every indian soap opera/ talk abt every tom dick and harry and yet complains and nag.. BUT thats not what the topic is about ;)
Its his responsibility to spend time with his kids and hers to facilitate that.
Agree. Good point.
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im not a parent and will never be a father especially, but......if ure too tired to deal with a child after coming home from work all day long......why have kids?
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Lolz with that view a lot of people shouldnt have had kids hehe :p
sometimes, sure, but what if it was habitual, when the wife had the time but just did not do it, and then expected the husband to pick up the slack, after he had put in a full days effort at work. Thats what I am talking about.
Not a good situation for sure! If the husband is a great guy, he'll try to figure out the reason behind it - is the wife not doing her share due to the "princess syndrome" or could it be something like postpartum depression. And then work things out accordingly.
Sara, most parents I know of and us for sure....you dont know what parenthood is really like until you're home with a new baby. Its lifes biggest blessing for sure! but its exhausting, around the clock care of a little person who is completely dependent upon the parents. Of course you adapt and all that but its surprising to most people how much energy it takes. I guess because it takes much emotional energy as well as physical energy. It very different from the type of stamina it takes to maintain a successful career.
Re: Housewife and help?
He can do small things like try not to make a bigger mess for her to clean up.
Guys who live single and work, manage to take care of things at home. Every guy who I work with (most are single), cook and clean when they get home, just like I do. And we have busy hours (don't judge by the past days, I'm on a break), but seriously, its not a big deal to pick up your clothes off the floor, maybe throw your dirty clothes into a hamper instead of leaving them on the bedroom floor, maybe fixing yourself your own chai (which takes 2 minutes). If there are kids, then relieve the wife by taking the kids outside for some play time?
I mean, how hard is this all?
Yeah, if you're a housewife, and your husband is working, you should definitely pull your share.
However, its funny, because I know some men who have sat at home and didn't do dishes/clean/cook while wife worked and when wife came home and asked "why isn't this work done?", they would look at her and be like "don't talk to us like that".
I mean comon. I'm sure if tables were turned, the guys here might not entirely want to pull their weight and thereby peeve off the working wife with little care.
Anyway, yeah, just talk to him about small things he can do to make your life easier. Other stuff you just have to accept - if you live WITH ANY OTHER PERSON - even a girl, you'd have to deal with some behavior characteristics you might not be comfy with.
My roommate leaves her dishes in the sink for 2 days before she'll wash them. My roommate doesn't take out the trash each night, and if I don't do it, there is an overflowing trash can with its mouth open and trash popping out and don't tell me that doesn't attract roaches. My roommate wont shut the door to her bathroom, and the smell is evident when she's pooped and my bedroom is NEXT to HER bathroom (long story on how that happened), she will fry in MY frying pan and leave the pan w/oil on the stove for 2 days before I notice it and take it off and wash it myself. I can go ON AND ON, but these are not gender issues really. If you've been to college and lived with roommates, you'll see that you might have to do more work to clean up after someone.
Same thing in a marriage. Its really no different than having a roommate.
Not a good situation for sure! If the husband is a great guy, he'll try to figure out the reason behind it - is the wife not doing her share due to the "princess syndrome" or could it be something like postpartum depression. And then work things out accordingly.
Sara, most parents I know of and us for sure....you dont know what parenthood is really like until you're home with a new baby. Its lifes biggest blessing for sure! but its exhausting, around the clock care of a little person who is completely dependent upon the parents. Of course you adapt and all that but its surprising to most people how much energy it takes. I guess because it takes much emotional energy as well as physical energy. It very different from the type of stamina it takes to maintain a successful career.
Mo3- I have seen this in Pak families even in Pakistan where ladies are unable and unwilling to do their part and then complain that the husband does not do anything to help. Some of the things we talked about like shopping, maintenance, homework help, just spending time with kids is not seen as help.
On your second note to sara about the effort raising a kid takes, that is true. but when a kid is school age and available time increases, then it is no longer an issue.
He can do small things like try not to make a bigger mess for her to clean up.
Guys who live single and work, manage to take care of things at home. Every guy who I work with (most are single), cook and clean when they get home, just like I do. And we have busy hours (don't judge by the past days, I'm on a break), but seriously, its not a big deal to pick up your clothes off the floor, maybe throw your dirty clothes into a hamper instead of leaving them on the bedroom floor, maybe fixing yourself your own chai (which takes 2 minutes). If there are kids, then relieve the wife by taking the kids outside for some play time?
I mean, how hard is this all?
Yeah, if you're a housewife, and your husband is working, you should definitely pull your share.
However, its funny, because I know some men who have sat at home and didn't do dishes/clean/cook while wife worked and when wife came home and asked "why isn't this work done?", they would look at her and be like "don't talk to us like that".
.
good points and es what you are stating should be glaringly obvious to any sensible bloke.
btw, its an explosive situation when you have mama's boys married to princesses. the dude does not know how to do anything, cant even get up to get a glass of water, the wife thinks of managing a home beneath her and is frankly unable to really even do it. I knew some couples like that, lets just say they are not couples anymore.
Re: Housewife and help?
In Pakistan, ladies have friggin' maasis to do all their work for them, and then they still are somehow "exhausted" at the end of the day.
Reminds me of when we had relatives over from Pakistan. It was my mamoo's family - they were wanting to move here, so they tried the living experience for 2 months on a family vacation and couldn't handle it. The wife had to, OMG, actually cook for her kids. She had her husband clean the bathroom once a week. (I think it needed to be cleaned 2-3x per week, but you know, I kept my mouth shut). She complained about how here, it takes like an hour to boil water (we don't have gas stoves). Honestly, other than that I don't know why she thought life here was so much more hard work - she had my mother to help A LOT as she was living with us - it wasn't like she was managing a household on her own.
Lady couldn't take it - she was like, we'll live in Pakistan - at least I have the maasis helping out.
Its a matter of culture. American women do way more housework than women in Pakistan. We just don't have a servant culture here.