I have just been hospitalized for a few days due to risk of premature birth. It was scary cuz I am only in week 30 but I was strong all the way and was in a good mood and had my hopes high during my stay at the hospital.
However ever since I came back home a few days ago I am feeling so scared and down.I am feeling so lonely. docters have told me to stay home for a few days and not go for long walks. I really feel like going out in the nice weather and find it depressing to be home which by the way isnt very clean either cuz I cant do much.
Hubby is extremly busy with his work and part time studies and away most of the days, even in the weekends!!he says he cant concentrate at home so goes to uni library in the weekends to study. today he stayed home cuz I was complaing about his absence yesterday. but had to go to his uncle’s place to help them out with something important that he had promised them over a month ago!
I havent told my family about this. They dont live here and would just freak out. mum is coming in 2 weeks time and she will just be worried until she sees me in 2 weeks so I havent told them.
my SIL knows but she didnt even come to visit me in the hospital or when I returned home. Weekend has passed and she still hasnt shown any interest in coming over..come on, how busy can you be?! really!!!I am so pissed at her and dont want to see her now. she can just stay away!!!
the few friends I have, they came over to see me and have been in touch over text messages to ask how I am doing.
but I really feel extremely lonely and feel like getting extra care. I have been crying today only cuz I feel lonely. i never thought I would feel so low or so bad…yesterday I wasnt even able to cook and was so hungry but was home alone and had to figure it out on my own.
my neighbour whom I supported so much when she was pregnant and had a baby a few months back seems not to need me anymore as things are going well between her and her husband (which is very good Alhamdulillah!!!) but I am just amazed how ppl use u and cant even ASK how u r doing by sending a text, mail or just popping by for a minute or two. She knows that I was hospitalized but havent even bothered asking what was wrong or how I am!!!
I am pissed at hubby for being so damn busy but cant stop him either. he has a deadline next weekend for his exam assignment and have to finish it. cant wait till he is done with it and can give me more time!!!
Aww, hun just read your post and am sad for you. Where about are you base? Pregnancy can be a lonely and worrying time especially if you don't have that family/parental support network. I won't patronise you by saying that you can blame it on the pregnancy hormones cos it's not always about that.
Have you sat your hubby down and spoken to him? You say he's busy with his job and studies but you need him and he needs to support you too! And why is is tending to his uncle more important than you??
I take it it's your first baby and I am really concerned that you are having to feed and fend for yourself. Here we have health visitors who come round to your home and sit and sat with you and ask how you are etc. There is even a scheme run by the government that helps pregnant women who are lonely and don't have much support at home. Do you have contact with a local mums group? They can help with the companionship, they have coffee mornings, make new friends, have a moan and just let off steam. I speak from personal experience, I had 3 kids and was pregnant with my 4th when I had to have an emergency operation on a different matter but it was a scary time cos I was also estranged from my husband at the time so I had to go through everything on my own. My hope is that when your mum comes over, she'll be able to look after you with the love and support that you need. Is there anyway she can come down earlier?
Don't worry about your SIL not turning up to visit, most of the SILs are like that, its their job to annoy their nands lol. I wouldn't waste my energy worrying about her or your neighbour. Just carry on being a good neighbour and Allah will reward you.
Bottom line is, I really think yo need to grab hold of your hubby, sit him down and tell him what you have put here on this post.
I feel for you, but good luck anyway. Im sure things will sort itself out pretty soon. Make sure you are eating and resting as much as you can. Pregnancy takes a lot out of you so be kind to yourself.
Hubby was asking me to cancel going his uncles but their family is going for umrah for the very first time and need assistance so I actually said no to him reg. cancelling so that he could help them out. He is out at uni 2 evenings in a week and the whole weekend untill 6 in the evening.
I am home from work due to my condition and I just miss having conversations during the day and being taken care of. I dont want to come in his way to finish his paper soon but I could really do with extra care and comfort these day.
Ammi can comer over before but then I have to tell her that I was in the hospital and she will just freak out like rest of the family. I have never felt such a huge need for ammi to be around like I am doing these days.
you are right about SIL and neighbour but I am just chocked that ppl cant even ask ur haal chaal.....
I know that I am being hormonal but there are deepers loneliness issues here that have been there ever since I moved after I got married. I have had other issues of friendships as well hence I am being careful making new friends as well.
There is a new mothers group here that I am joining early May...still 3 weeks to go....
perhaps thats why I actually enjoyed staying at the hospital that there were people around me taking care of me......
Your last sentence struck a chord with me hun, I felt like that too. In hospital they do look after you better than how you would cope if you were on your own. Sad but true. If you were in London or me near you, I would love to meet and keep your spirits up! I think the best thing would be to tell your mum now at least when she comes you'll have company.
I do feel like calling her and telling her. I might see how I feel like in a few days. I can start going for walks again from tomorrow...that might help inshaAllah
I dont live in the UK. would love to be pampered in London though:)
The o ly thi g u should be caring bout right now is about ure unborn... Thats it... U had a scare... Go easy. I wouldnt help anyone out at this time cuz its u who needs help. Plz be careful.
Get some books... Rent some lovies... Its not the same as talking to a person... But u gotta make most of what u have.
perhaps thats why I actually enjoyed staying at the hospital that there were people around me taking care of me......
its lonely being pregnant and ppl dont realise you need extra love n care...
sounds silly even me writing it,but for a better solution could you not be admitted in hospital for a few days again...
If your in west ask a health visitor to visit you,if you're in pak...grin and bear it...I spent a lonely time on bed rest here...
people some how dont realise that girls who help others out also need help from time to time...
May Allah SWT give you ajar for looking after your neighbor...
I wish you best of health and a healthy happy baby right now you and your baby are most important don’t think about anybody or anything else. Take rest , follow doctor’s advise , think about your baby and think positive about your upcoming life as a parent
Awww chameli Insha Allah u will be ok soon and baby will be alright,my suggestion is read Quran as much as u can...u are not alone Allah is with you all the time,talk to Him tell Him your all Problems He will listEn and Insha Allah will answer your dua's...
Whenever u feel alone or depress just sit on jaye Namaz and tell Allah how you are feEling,trust me this has to work u will see...
May Allah bless you and your baby
Thanks guys:) please make dua that everything goes well. i feel much better today. will call the midwife and ask her about yoga and will go for a walk in the sunshine...i am sure it will help too:)
:( hope you feel better soon. This time will be over before you know it! Its temporary and you'll get through. InshAllah everything will be fine just trust dua!.
I need to get things out of my system so wirting about it here...eventhough it might have needed its own post...but I thought that since I have mentioned my own condition and health here and also how my neighbour has been..then let me just post here.
Last night my neighbour came screaming asking us to open the door. the screams were so loud that several neighbours had woken up..and one of the neighbours had even called the police. she was crying cuz her husband had beaten her and tried to strangle her. she had confronted him with proofs she found of infidelity and they had a fight and he hit her...she ran out and came over to us....
We offered her to stay the night at our place so they could both calm down till tomorrow but suddenly the police came as the neighbour had called them. So they had to answer questions and my hubby was suddenly noted down as witness....
Before the ran over she had called her hubbys brother who arrived when the police was here. so he took his brother home and she went downstairs to stay the night on her own. she has a 4 months baby daughter and as she was shelving and out of herself when she left we decided to visit her for a short while to comfort her. thats when she told what had happened between them etc.
She also told us that they are going to buy a house very soon and she has started packing so they will be moving soon. that made me wonder if thats why she hasnt really asked me how I am doing as she obviously dont need me anymore after she moves away...but Allahualim.
Now I have no intention of becoming a mother theresa in this condition as I got pain in my tummy since last night's experience of screamings ans shoutings and am completely tense in my shoulders as well. I really need to rest. At the same time I feel that it will be so selfish not to help her out at all. she is alone here like me and has no family. she hasnt told her family about the problems with her hubby....we did try to convince her to call her brother and let him know..maybe he can fly over and let her hubby and his family know that she isnt alone and they seriously need to sort out things....
On one hand I dont feel like intervening and on the other hand i feel like making her hubby sit down and give him a hard time!!!!
I spoke to the dr. the other day and she said that the risk of premature birth was decreased significantly when they sent me home but I dont feel good cuz of the pains I am having in my tummy after yesterday..
Dr said I dont need bed rest. and now I can go for walks too and perform yoga as well. so its not very risky anymore but i still need to be precautious.
right now you and your baby are most important don’t think about anybody or anything else. Take rest , follow doctor’s advise , think about your baby and think positive about your upcoming life as a parent