Hospitality

Lifestyle Relationships
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Warning, if you don’t have the stomach for self-reflection and criticism of your community’s ways, then you might as well put your head in a hole or else, enter at your own risk

So, some of you may know, I recently moved.

I don’t have any family here. I know a few people here who are long distance (and by that I mean, our great great great great grandfathers might have been third cousins), who I do know and I’ve met. But other than that, I only know co-workers.

So, as I am missing my desi and muslim community, I’ve been looking for communities to join. I’ve done everything from networking sites looking for people in Dallas to contacting friends of friends to freqenting facebook sites and randomly messaging people.

I’ve gotten polite short responses. No one really inviting me out to meet anyone. No one informing me of any small youth groups or young adult groups. I don’t even think there is such a thing as a young professionals’ group here or post-grad group.

Guess what? I randomly contact some convert muslim (nondesi), and next thing I know, I have a phone number and a bunch of activities lined up.

Really, I don’t get why it is so hard to break into any desi social circle. It’s like next to impossible to really meet people and make friends. Now watch me come back after the local desi mela here for ind day and gripe about how I got cold shoulders when I tried talking to people.

Desis have such cliques and they don’t really want to expand them. But then I really feel sorry, looking back on it, for any desi families who were new in town back where I grew up. I bet it took them a couple of years just to find a social circle, and in the process met many who gave them the cold shoulder.

Sheesh.

I thought desis pride themselves on hospitality…

I haven’t seen much while I’ve been here. Meanwhile anyone nondesi is ridiculously friendly and glad to invite me along wherever and whenever. All I have to do is say “Hey, I’m new to this town, do you know of anything interesting going on around town”. It’s a done deal, I’m invited to dinners and lunches just like that.

With desis, I just don’t know WHAT TO DO.

Urgh. I’m going to go and find some small desi crowd and just walk up to them and start talking and see where that takes me. Wish me luck…

:frowning:

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Re: Hospitality

At the end, forget the story, what we know is PCG has a guy’s number

:faizy:

As for Desi people unless they all live in a neighbourhood (for the majority of time) thats where their social circle lies

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Re: Hospitality

It's a girl, actually. Pretty friendly and I barely said anything except I'm new in town, and saw a fb message of hers and was wondering if she knew of any good groups or organizations to join and make friends, and bam, just like that I've got her phone number and she's got something lined up on weekends and I'm invited.

It was like NO WORK.

Not so with desi people.

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Re: Hospitality

I think MOST desi people would be more open to other people who are married and have children like themselves?

Though, if you're looking for friendship then it shouldn't matter if theyre desi or not, as long you got on with them well!

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Re: Hospitality

I'm talking about single young people! I feel so awkward messaging random people on facebook. Jesus. What has my life been reduced to?

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I hope things get improve soon. Some people respond better face-2-face as opposed to FB...calling, etc. Just get out there....try the masjid maybe....you might meet some people there...and learn about community events, etc.

As far as the Muslim converts being more welcoming...I wonder if it's maybe because their conversion made it tougher to relate/connect with friends that are not Muslim.....and they're more welcoming of others....because they themselves really want to feel welcome/be a part of the Muslim community...where they could represent the minority.

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Re: Hospitality

[QUOTE]
Jesus. What has my life been reduced to?
[/QUOTE]

To messaging random people on facebook?

I am not bery helpful am I :(

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Re: Hospitality

Yeah, my plan is to go to a mosque this friday for jummah at least.

I thought to go tonight, but can't get my friend to come with me. Plus, I have an early day tomorrow morning.

But honestly, I'm going to run into a certain crowd at the mosque. Dunno how to meet other ... normal every day type pakistanis.

I dont wanna get caught up with feverish hijabis who just want to discuss why I'm not wearing a hijab. Been there, done that.

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^Not necessarily. In a masjid where every female has her head covered, it's hard to tell who is a feverish hijabi, a relaxed hijabi, or non-hijabi that only covers her hair for namaz. KWIM? And I don't see anything wrong with asking. Working in a Muslim school....I've been asked if I wear hijab outside of school...and I'm not offended by the question. Get a feel by talking to them a bit. Ask them about any community events that they know of...or are a part of, etc.

May sound like a silly idea.....but what about MSA? I've seen people who are not students...that are actively involved in that...and get to meet people....and learn about other community events such a Project Downtown etc...where you can contribute positively and form social connections.

10

aw, PCG, i know what you are going through. I moved to a completely different city 2 years and knew nobody here at all. It was impossible to get invited to anything desi or let alone have a phone number the first few months. Finally, going to Jummah enough times I guess as people got familiar I was able to get a few phone numbers mostly from everyone except desis people. It took forever though honestly. The worst is going to a Pakistani community picnic. People will make a point not to talk you. weird.

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Re: Hospitality

^^aww, psb where abouts in Canada do you live? I would love to have a new desi friend! BTW, I live in Toronto.

PC, its just going to take time. But honestly, going to the masjid for jummah is a really good idea. Just start talking to people, and even if they only offer small talk back in return, you can keep going back and talking to the same people, and they will get more comfortable with you, and open up to you as well. Also, Ramadaan is around the corner, and I find that people get friendlier, especially at taraweeh, and you can also find out if your local masjid has iftar parties, and you can make something to take there, and interact with people.

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Re: Hospitality

MSA's are all college kids. I'm too old for it, and feel out of place. They're like 5-8 years younger than me.

Project downtown - mostly filled by kids from MSA's. Same thing with other charities and youth groups.

I'm not sure where folks in the post-grad age group fall, honestly. I know a lot of people my age are married, but there are a lot of single people out there too. And I'm not discriminating at this point - I'd just like to meet people outside of work who do different things, you know?

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This is what I keep saying and people blast me for it. I just think its so hard to meet people who are Pakistani and actually friendly. There are people who are not rude, and so yeah you can hang out with them...but most of my friends are dispersed and in different cities. Can't exactly fly out every weekend to meet people...

14

My sister used to volunteer with PD...and there were people from the post-grad age group. Just go to the masjid a few times. As Saimab said above...Ramzan is coming up and that might make things easier...since the crows at the masjid will be bigger during the week and not only during Jumah.

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Re: Hospitality

it happens in every circle.

My parents and us kids faced the same issue when we first came to Aus... there was already a paki circle.. and can u belive it, even after 25 odd years, we're still the newbies...?? geez!

And the same has happened to every other family who has come... unless ur a relative of the family who is already in teh group, there is no hope for you.

Im facing similar dilemmas now myself.... people who have migrated from pak have their own circles.. and if by chance i get invited to one... i hardly have anyone who speaks to me. So instead, I end up managing the bacha party.. cus they obviosuly need managing, or become the kitchen hand.

Such is thy sad life... better to stay home or go out with the hubz and munchkin.

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Re: Hospitality

May Allah have mercy on Texas.

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Re: Hospitality

^^^ lol, and why is that?

Here is a young gal who wants to get involved in the community. Share some tips.

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Re: Hospitality

Can someone block Kaleem from posting in my threads and replying to me. His intentions are anything but good. Thanks.

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Re: Hospitality

OK, mein keh deyti hoon.

Kaleem sahab, please aap PCG ko bug na karein aur agar likhen to tanz na karein. Thank you jee.

Anyway, on a serious note, please stay on topic and avoid personal attacks. Thanks.

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Re: Hospitality

Niksik, I was going to suggest that she should go visit a mosque...but someone already suggested that. Some of the information she is looking for is available online as well. Other than that, I have been married for 15 years, have three kids and do not have time to make new friends and waste energy mingling with the "new paud".

PCG, why are you paranoid. I have nothing against you.