I am not married myself but the fact that i didn’t myself want to get married at an early age keeps me at peace. However different people have different priorities and that is perfect ok too. I know people who are younger than me and are really frustrated for still being single?. Their families are looking but no success so far. Then i know girls older than me, towards their 30s and i feel depression in them. Its like life has stopped for them and they keep their self drowned in depression all day.
Mind you, all these girls are fine women with no visible drawbacks. So what does one say to these girls? How do we support them or comfort them?
i met a girl last year in a wedding, must be around 34-35 and it broke my heart to see her in a state which was not normal. I mean God forbid she was not abnormal but she her mannerisms were not of a stable mind either. I was told the delay in her marriage led to this :-(.
What i tell these people is that life is not about marriage only and we shouldn’t make a fuss about anything including marriage. However when you listen to these people with their concerns for not finding the right person just because they are not in their early 20’s or the fear of having difficulties conceiving due to age, it all makes me go quiet and feel for them more.
but if what i made out of what you said is indeed what you were trying to say then all i will say is guys have it easier in terms of marrying late. There are undoubtedly more options for them! Nobody can deny that.
This exactly i have an experiance, i listen girls few of them are now busy in jobs and they have stopped thinking about marriage after thirty..,ifew dont even like to discuss this matter, may Allah make it easy for everyone Ameen...what i say Allah knows what is best for us, He is the best listener, indeed marriage is sunnah and one should do it...but its not an aim of life...just make a good aim of life and go on...shadi it will happen if its in your fate¡
I think Zareen that very REALISTICALLY speaking, one should try to get married within their twenties. Because even scientifically, having a child before thirty is better for both mom and baby. But beyond that, when one enters 30s mostly their friends and family are married and have their own life which is so busy that it calls for common grounds if you want to meet up. Otherwise one will begin to feel like the odd one out. And feel more and more despondent.
And the marriage pool isn't that large the older you get, slimmer pickings.
That's the realistic picture.
Ideally, one can get married anytime and no worries.
I think our sisters who are still single can learn forbearance and patience from the Sufi Lady Hazrat Rabia Basri:
People asked : “Why do you not take a husband?”
Hazrat Rabia responded, “I am saddled with three concerns. If you remove these worries from me, I shall take a husband. One: Tell me, will I die with Imaan? Two: On the Day of Qiyamah, will my Record of Deeds be given in my right or left hand? Three: On the Day of Qiyamah, will I be among the people of the right side or the left side?” The people said that they were unable to give her assurances regarding these issues. She said, “A woman who has these fears has no desire for a husband.”
I think Zareen that very REALISTICALLY speaking, one should try to get married within their twenties. Because even scientifically, having a child before thirty is better for both mom and baby. But beyond that, when one enters 30s mostly their friends and family are married and have their own life which is so busy that it calls for common grounds if you want to meet up. Otherwise one will begin to feel like the odd one out. And feel more and more despondent.
And the marriage pool isn't that large the older you get, slimmer pickings.
That's the realistic picture.
Ideally, one can get married anytime and no worries.
But this isn't an ideal world
But what about those who have actually actively tried to get married yet no success? What does one tell them?
As for having kids in your 20's. I am no expert or well researched on that but from what i have heard, i think one needs to be scared about this after they are 35. I don't think before that its such a risk. Look at most celebs, they get married later than 35 and all are blessed with healthy kids.
After I improve on some of my shortcomings, I meet someone that does light up my and I his, great! No issues with divorced men. All that I would look for is that he is not one of those people that sees himself as flawless and that is actually flexible and adjusts to any situation, has learned from past mistakes since he would've gone through some of those marriage issues already. If there's no mutual attraction, i'd rather stay single. :-P
No matter what/how you explain to these girls/ladies, I felt it's like water slipping over a rock, it just doesn't sink in. Some listen , some shake their heads, others just start with the same complain again.
Yes it is a big issue but there's more to life and be thankful for.
Remaining single by choice (specially in desi community) is like swimming upstream. You have to fight the current and everything coming down your way. A new/fresh swimmer wont realize what the fuss is about but down the way realization strucks.
There is nothing wrong in swimming upstream specially if you feel that there is a fall laying ahead/downstream but you do not want to do swim upstream all your life.
But what about those who have actually actively tried to get married yet no success? What does one tell them?
As for having kids in your 20's. I am no expert or well researched on that but from what i have heard, i think one needs to be scared about this after they are 35. I don't think before that its such a risk. Look at most celebs, they get married later than 35 and all are blessed with healthy kids.
those who are trying and yet no success: you can comfort them by citing examples of girls who have gotten married at later age and by telling them that if its meant to be it will happen, they only need to be optimistic about it and keep their hopes up and to ask ALLAH as HE is te one who makes your destiny. and that duas can change your destiny.
Evidence enough that how big of a cry babies women are. Trying to get sympathy every possible way.
BTW if you are single it means you have bad social skills. Work on it. Not a rocket science.
Woho! With that kind of an attitude, you must be a lucky one to have gotten married.
Now maybe i can use your case to give tassali to all these women that see maybe its not happening for a better reason :) who knows what kind of an idiot you may end up with!
Exactly. Now you have yet another excuse for not fixing your selves. Bunch of Lazies. :)
Woho! With that kind of an attitude, you must be a lucky one to have gotten married.
Now maybe i can use your case to give tassali to all these women that see maybe its not happening for a better reason :) who knows what kind of an idiot you may end up with!
