Re: Hope for single ladies
Yes, that’s exactly my point. Almost everything in life requires a compromise. If a woman wants to have 6 kids, then after having 6 kids she can’t be surprised if she’s not a size 2 or doesn’t have too much free time for herself due to having 6 kids. If a woman chooses to marry a taxi driver, she can’t really be surprised if they’re not living in a fancy house or driving a fancy car. Similarly, while there is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman choosing to delay marriage until her 30’s to pursue higher education/fulfilling career…but she cannot be surprised if she’s having a very hard time finding a Pakistani guy to meet all her criterias.
BTW, going back your education comments earlier…I have a Indian friend who is a M.D. (Oncologist). She’s Gujrati. She was single & looking well into her early 30’s. Of course she was searching for a Gujrati doctor due to her own background. Finally one day she came to her senses and relaxed these criterias. As of right now, she’s married to a Marathi guy (born/raised in U.S.) who only has a Bachelor’s but still has a great job in the administrative area of a large hospital. He’s not a doctor, probably makes close to 6-figures but nothing compared to what she earns, and not Gujrati. But he’s a GREAT guy, both of their families get along perfectly (b/c both sets of parents focused on the couple’s happiness instead of what they wanted), and they’re expecting their 1st baby soon. Has she stuck to her “dreams” of marrying a Gujrati doctor, she may still be single. And by reading this, you may think she didn’t get what she “deserved” but I can tell you as a close friend of hers that she is very happy and if she had to do it all over again, she would choose to marry this guy in a heartbeat b/c he has filled her life with nothing with happiness since they met.
Women…even the one’s with impressive resumes/careers need to realize the realities of life. I often see this sense of entitlement coming from such women (and I am NOT saying the girls you know are like this). All these women see themselves as great looking & coming from decent families. They all think their great education/career should put them in more demand in the rishta scene. Yet they don’t take into account that perhaps their personalities/attitude MIGHT be playing a role in turning off potential rishtas. It is 100% true that as we get older, we are more set in our ways. Having graduate degrees, and earning a big fat paycheck can be very empowering…which has the potential to make someone (guys AND girls) a stubborn, egotistical jerk who refuses to compromise or see any shortcomings within themselves. It does not effects guys as much b/c of the whole supply/demand thing I mentioned earlier. Plus guys are also more flexible in marrying a non-desi girl. But with women…its not like these women are willing to marry someone younger or willing to consider non-Pakistanis. The situation is not fair but that’s just how it is. And being angry/upset/whiny/depressed about it is not going to change anything.
No, you are not being unrealistic. However, keep in mind that you’re basing your views based on what you’ve seen with the people around you. Other people are basing their views based on what they may have seen happen within their families, friends etc. Just like your view is not unrealistic…its also not unrealistic for others to think that a girl’s husband and/or in-laws will insist on stopping her education once the nikah papers are signed even though they promised otherwise before marriage. The issue is not whether or not the guy/his family are willing to “promise” certain things…but the odds of the keeping that promise once the deal is done OR something else (such as pregnancy) preventing the girl from completing her education.