Hope for single ladies

[lafuriaroja]

Re: Hope for single ladies

@Paheli00

^ Unless I totally misunderstood the earlier posts…I got the impression we’re talking about females who are close to 30 or already well into their 30’s (the depressed girl in OPs initial post is 34-35). Even in that case of the depressed girl…if her parents are still not willing to consider non-Pakistani guys to her and/or are not encouraging her to start looking on her own outside the Pakistani community…then it really is ridiculous to sit there and complain about the guys families (as she continues to get older each year).

And speaking of women who would like to get married but is not letting that control their life b/c they do have a professional/social life to focus on that’s fulfilling…again, that is also up to the girl’s parents in how they raised/educated her, and encouraged her to be social instead of keeping her sheltered and inside the house all her life. I do agree that there are double standards in our society but before we start pointing fingers at the guys/their families and demand they change how they do things, its important to look within ourselves (ie. the girl’s parents) on what they’re doing that they’re girls are becoming mentally unstable/severely depressed due to not having a husband (ie. why don’t these girls have a professional career/large social circle/hobbies to keep their schedule packed).

^ agreed, I wasn’t saying its the fault of the guys families only, I meant society in general and that includes the girls parents as well.

My mum got hassled when we were kids and she would make my brother do the same chores as me, when she sent me to the same private school as my brother they questioned her, when she gave my brother and I the same curfew, when I moved away on my own for university, when i chose to work full time after getting married, etc. At every step, people have talked about every move my mother makes regarding my upbringing and she obviously ignored it but it’s even ridiculous that she has to hear that stuff. Simply because I happen to be a girl and am therefore expected to behave a certain way in life.

I know the double standard exists and has for a while but it’s not like this mentality can’t be changed. A couple of generations ago, girls weren’t even educated and thats not so much the case anymore.

This is where I feel we need to question society for the bogus expectations they place on girls and their families, and girls parents are obviously partially responsible for that. But at the same time, my mother stood up for what she thought was right but it wasn’t easy, I’m sure if instead of having 20 people telling her she was wrong at every step of the way if she had had 20 people encouraging her for doing all the right things, it would have made her life a lot easier. The same way if society can step up and tell girls of these parents, that hey there’s nothing wrong with marrying a non-pakistani muslim, or let her finish school, her education is important, etc. and not just your girl needs to learn how to be a good wife first and foremost, we’d be looking at a different group of girls. And similarly if guys parents are pressured to recognise that there’s nothing wrong with considering a 26 year old girl who’s finished her bachelors and masters vs. a 22 year old, they too would be more open to those considerations. Not taking personal preference for certain characteristics into account of course.