Honeyfund

Lifestyle Wedding, Fashion & Beauty
21

Re: Honeyfund

I have a sore point with that. What's wrong with a gift or even a pitcher/regifted item? Maybe people should stop having weddings that are so expensive that htey're just expecting everyone to cover their own plate. Not every person is in a financial situation to drop hundreds or thousands for a wedding, nor should they be forced to sit out social gatherings because of that. This kind of arrogance and sense of entitlement is pretty gross.

22

Re: Honeyfund

At my wedding, a member of our extended family (my khala’s nand) gifted me a set of votive candles..nice, except it was the exact same gift my mother had given her at her housewarming party 6 months earlier…it even had the card my mother hand wrote still taped to it :cb:

Talk about regifting!

Point is, like Sara just said, I have a real problem with the sense of entitlement or expectations that have are becoming the norm at desi weddings. A gift is a gift, regardless if it’s grand, luxurious or tacky. To expect a certain dollar amount (like that covers the cost of the meal) or to dictate no boxed gifts is wrong in my opinion. A guest should be given an invite because theie presence is cherished, not expected to live up to a gift standard.

23

Re: Honeyfund

agree with khatti and sara.
when we invite people to be part of our celebrations/mourning .... its about wanting to connect with them, sharing a special moment. Presence of the guest is supposed to be an honour for the host (since the guest has taken time out of their life to spend time with you) ... not a calculation of how much x person/family with bring in cash/gifts.

i'd trade a heartfelt dua from a guest over any amount money/gift. But i understand this may be old fashioned ... things have changed, people have changed .... these days a persons value is directly proportional to their wealth.

24

Re: Honeyfund

You should not be relying on gifts to fund your wedding or honeymoon or lifestyle. Gifts are a bonus.

Now, given that, I don't think there's anything wrong with listing the "Honeyfund" with other registries. Please keep in mind that you NEVER put registries/honeyfund on the wedding invitations. These are supposed to be shared only upon request. I also think it's okay to include it on a wedding website, if you have one, for guests who may be looking for suggestions about what to gift you.

25

Re: Honeyfund

A definite NO. Its a fancy name to ask people money.

26

Re: Honeyfund

I don't see any difference between a gift registry, no boxed gifts or the honeyfund. Don't know how anyone can say that one is acceptable while others are not.

27

Re: Honeyfund

"No boxed gifts" is an order.

The other two are suggestions, depending on how the information is passed along. That makes all the difference.

28

Re: Honeyfund

To me personally expenses like a house (and its costs) are more about needs and helping a couple get on their feet, whilst a fancy honeymoon is not.. For that reason I'm fine to go along with the first but not the second..

Again for me personally I'd rather know my gift will definitely benefit them than sit boxed up or dumped in the garage because it might not be to their taste.. Obviously many people feel offended and interpret "no boxed gifts" as demanding money but to me it would be more hurtful/offensive to see my gift not being appreciated, dumped or regifted because it doesn't suit the couple's taste or lifestyle.. I've seen far too many times (inc in my own family) gifts which people have given being dumped in the garage, hidden or regifted and to me that's worse and a massive waste (considering just how many gifts seem to end up this way)..

(I know what I've said above is quite controversial, that's just my personal take on the "no boxed gifts" thing)

29

Re: Honeyfund

I definitely agree. The idea of writing 'no boxed gifts' is showing that entitlement to a gift from our wedding culture. I just meant to point out I feel it is already an unspoken rule for desis to gift money on weddings, not that I feel everyone deserves to have their weddings financed. No boxed gifts is presumptuous to me as well, it just seems to be a norm.

30

Re: Honeyfund

My american friend had a honeymoon registry, pretty much everyone I know contributed to the honeymoon.
They had set it up on a travel website, it included everything categorically...cost of tickets, cost of hotels, cost of dining (places they would like to dine at), and cost of entertainment(places they will visit).

31

Re: Honeyfund

I don't have an issue with no boxed gifts because you never know what the newlywed's financial situation is. They really may need that money to cover the cost of the wedding, pay towards their student loans or maybe even put it towards their savings. They're starting a new life and I'd like to contribute in a way that can help.

It doesn't matter...I'd rather give them something they like, appreciate and use.

Re-gifting is also fine. Why not? I have gifts that were given to me that I have not touched and I know I'll be re-gifting them because someone else might find use out of them. They aren't used, are in still in packaging and are sitting in storage until I find someone that can use them.

The honeyfund...seems a bit tacky because honeymoons are a luxury and really something that you and husband plan yourselves.

32

Re: Honeyfund

Yeah IF we did it (we were toying with the idea since a few people mentioned it to us) we would add it to wherever the other registries went. If we told anyone, it'd be our close friends (the younger crowd) and not the older people.

I think they used the website that I'm referring to. How did people react to that? Were they upset?

Re: no boxed gifts. I've never been offended when I saw it on cards because most of the couples I know moved cross country and I wanted the gift I gave to be used, not returned or stashed away at some storage facility and, more importantly, not to turn into a burden where they're trying to figure out how to ship their 5 toasters (yes, this actually happened to a friend of mine 8 years ago...) or return them.

I don't have a problem with regifiting--as long as it's not obvious (ie: take the original card/tag off the package and don't regift the same gift back to me 3 months later). I've definitely regifted and I know I've gotten regifted things in the past and it's not a big deal.

33

Re: Honeyfund

understand your POVs/personal preferences.

I think what some of us (anti no boxed gift, registry, honey fund ppl) were trying to point out was that the inviting couples dont necessarily know the financial situations of their guests either (are you guys familiar with the term "safaid posh" ?) ... and "no boxed gifts" on the invite comes across as a demand.
So say an invited guest is going through a tough financial time privately ... and it might have been easier/cheaper/more financially feasible for them to hand crochet a duvet cover vs gifting an amount of cash that would be on par with other cash gifts and wouldn't embarrass them. In such situations (which are v plausible) such instructions on invites can be construed as very insulting because it can be taken to mean ... hey your affordable home made gift is not wanted ... bring adequate cash only or be embarrassed.

and have you guys seen registries ... where every desired item listed by the couple is designer and begins at $300 -400+ .... I have ... I was a student then and definitely couldn't afford it ... and thought it was incredibly unreasonable esp since the request was coming from a student couple! .... it caused me a lot of unnecessary stress and dilemma on whether i should attend the wedding or not.

my personal stance is that ... if you dont like my gift ... thats ok ... return it, throw it away, re-gift it .... whatever ... but don't force me into a corner. its disrespectful.
AND if you are ready to get married and start a new life ... embrace its responsibilities ... that includes setting up a home. if some family and Friends WANT TO help ... great! but dont expect ALL your guests to.

34

Re: Honeyfund

This is true as well...you never know the financial situation of the guests attending and forcing them into a corner is harsh.

One thing my BFF pointed out to me when I was making my baby registry was very helpful. She said I should have a wide range of items...not everyone is able to buy expensive presents. There should be options for them to gift you what you like and stay within their means. I hadn't thought about this before making the registry and edited it later on.

35

Re: Honeyfund

To me they are all different ways of saying that we would rather receive something of our choice/need than something of your choice.

36

Re: Honeyfund

I was the only desi friend, everyone was american, no one had an issue with it. Actually, our entire group contributed towards the honeymoon, whatever everyone could. She had a regular gift registry and a honeymoon registry. Anyway, I suppose you have to see how the community you are inviting will respond.

37

Re: Honeyfund

True. His community seems more accepting of the idea...my side, not so much. lol. so won't do it. But it's an interesting topic, i suppose

38

Re: Honeyfund

Gora or not, I still think it's weird, but why is it acceptable when gora will do it but tacky w desis....

39

This! I don't find it acceptable either way

40

Re: Honeyfund

Because there's different social norms for different groups of people. Talking about a honeymoon with gora people isn't considered weird or besharam; I would NEVER have anything that advertises in a more desi setting because that's not talked about. There's nothing wrong with either groups but the expectations and norms are different