So a friend of mine had cancer - same age as me, good pious Muslim Pakistani boy. Good earner. Good looking - you get the picture. Due to the treatment he had to undergo, there is no chance that he can ever have babies.
Should he disclose this to a potential rishta or stay quiet? Is it just a case of the kismat of the woman he ends up marrying not having babies?
Ladies, would this be a deal breaker for you? How would you react if you found out he deceived you after you married him?
Re: Honesty
That is something one should never hide. The whole purpose of getting married is to reproduce in our culture and by hiding something as important as this, you are taking away someone's right to their potential future.
Re: Honesty
I definitely believe that this should be disclosed. I'm not sure if its a deal breaker since adoption is always an option but thats just me. As for if he lied i would be very upset. I also think the parents of the girl would lose alot of respect for the guy if he lies on something that big. It is also not fair for the girl.
Re: Honesty
This would be a lie by omission and in all fairness not one either party should go into a marriage with because it does affect the joint future of the couple. Guy or girl - if there a reason one can't have children - be honest about it.
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just be honest about it.....there's no need to go into a relationship based on lies.
and yes, it is a lie by omission.
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Did the doctors not freeze his sperm because that's pretty common nowadays..
If someone knows they won't be able to have kids they should say something.. In an arranged situation you're usually looking for specific 'qualities' and being able to have children is usually one of them..
If it was an arranged marriage I'd probably be furious.. If it was a love match I'd be more likely to accept it..
Re: Honesty
The right thing to do is to be upfront about it obviously but how many girls would want to marry him after that? The ones that he would want to marry (good looking, well educated, i.e his type) wouldnt want to marry him most probably.
So maybe he shouldnt tell her, and wish that she falls in love with him and forgive him for hiding this part. But then obviously this is something big and it would be ethically wrong to lie about it.
Re: Honesty
there are plenty of women out there that will marry a guy knowing full well that they may never have children of their own.
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Should be disclosed...not disclosing it is directly impacting their spouse's future.
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One of the reason people get married is to start a family and if one of the two has precondition that can hinder in starting a family, that should be disclosed.
There are tonz of women out there who DO NOT want to have kids anyway. Inshallah he will run into one such women.
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Shud disclose.
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Good luck to your friend. Hope he makes a complete recovery and has a healthy long life ahead of him.
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seriously is that even a question? if this is a question then good bye ethics!
Re: Honesty
So a friend of mine had cancer - same age as me, good pious Muslim Pakistani boy.
For a man who is a good pious Muslim and truly God-fearing, the answer to this should be obvious.
Is it just a case of the kismat of the woman he ends up marrying not having babies?
Kismat only does so much. Your friend's disease is a perfect example. When he got cancer, he didn't leave it up to kismet decide what happens next. He took it upon himself to get treatment. I'm sure you wouldn't drive a car without a seatbelt and see what kismat has in store for you. In a situation like this, for ANY man to claim that it's the woman's kismat to end up in this situation and this justifies him lying by omission is a cowardice act.
Ladies, would this be a deal breaker for you? How would you react if you found out he deceived you after you married him?
Not a deal breaker for me but I'm also not super crazy about the idea of having biological children. However, if I found out that he intentionally lied/kept hidden from me something so big.....then THAT would be a deal breaker.
Re: Honesty
All abnormal known medical conditions should be disclosed. Some women are open to adoption, no woman deserves deception
Re: Honesty
He should be honest about it. What if whom he married had AIDS/STDs and didn't tell him? Things of that sort have potential to harm the future.
He can also marry a widow who has children of her own. On an Islamic standpoint he will be raising orphans (children under age of puberty without a father are considered orphans) and that will be more good deeds in his account.
May Allah keep your friend patient and bless him with happiness and so much more beyond this cancer, Ameen.
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he should disclose. this is something serious.
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I think honesty is key before anything else. I would think that it would be a lot harder for him in an arranged marriage type situation because starting a family is part of the reason why people get married. However, as others have pointed out, there are many women out there who don't care for such things or to start a family.
Inshallah he has a safe recovery and good health ahead.
Re: Honesty
Ok, so one of my friends brother in law married 3 years back and he also had chemotherapy or some form of cancer treatment which left him infertile. His finance and her family were aware of this but were given the impression it may take time to conceive as in several years. They are happily married, no kids but unfortunately his cancer has returned and he has has treatment since. She has been super supportive and been by his his side. It's an open fact amongst the community this is the reason they are childless and although I do come from quite a narrow minded community, ppl have been very supportive and not critical at all. Things have all been discussed upfront and nothing has been hidden. Honestly is the best policy.
Badabing- your friends may regain fertility, it can happen.
Not it that it's relevant much but I made( I really regret it) my husband have a vasectomy after my first child was born due to having post natal depression. It took me almost 10 years to change my mind about trying for a second. He had the reversal and I was pregnant 2 months later. Miracles do happen.
Re: Honesty
^ the guy had an arranged marriage by the way although she was a distant family friend.